forum New 1st Character. . . Needs Advice & Suggestions!
Started by Claire
tune

people_alt 3 followers

@CinnamonRoll

My! Time! Is! Now! Top down~~

Okay, I always throw in a few ~personal~ things mixed with my general critiques, so here's a personal thing: It kind of drives me insane that you have a cool tone (blue) for the hair and eyes, then go to tiger, which immediately makes me think of warm tones. That's just me though. Okay, real stuff!

Okay, you list her as aggressive as well as lazy and introverted. This REALLY clashes. Aggressive people aren't usually lazy and definitely not introverted. Also, no hobbies? It sounds strange, but just a few hobbies are enough to add depth to a character. (Ask anyone who's reviewed my characters about me demonic priestesses and their secret artistic talents! ;P) Also, I would move what you currently have as mannerisms into personality type and put in some tics: 'Twirls hair when she thinks,' 'Taps her foot when she's annoyed,' stuff like that. Also, no prejudices? Everyone has them, even if they don't want to admit it. ALWAYS put prejudices, even if they seem simple. It makes your characters more human.

Oh dear. Here's my #1 pet peeve: no backstory. Literally everything about your character needs to be rooted in the backstory to make it realistic. Otherwise, all these traits that you've got sorta fall flat. Backstory is like your support system for the entire character!

Well then–overall. I definitely think you've got an interesting character foundation laid down here. I especially love the fact that you're using varied races–that is SO hard. Just smooth a few wrinkles, give her a backstory, and bang! You've got your character!!

I hope this helps you!! :DD

@joufflucharlie

Right of the bat, her name is so so so cool! Very curious as to how you came up with it.
Everything about her looks is quite good! You use enough descriptive words that I have a very clear image of what she looks like in my mind. I also think her very unique race is amazing and quite magical :D.
I would definitely add more for motivation. It's a great start to have a person who motivates a character, but I would go into more detail about how and why Kekkan motivates her. Is Shinryaku motivated to protect her at all costs? If so, why is this? etc.
I mostly agree with @CinnamonRoll with the details of the nature section. I would definitely consider adding in some physical mannerisms, as these can also be helpful in building a personality. Also, lazy does definitely seem to contrast with her aggressive and impatient nature.
I would also consider filling in more of the slots of the social sections. Though these may seem like trivial questions, they can serve as a testament to how "real" feeling your characters are, and help us, the readers, view them in a more human light.
Backstory premise is amazing (I actually have a character with a pretty similar backstory :D) but I would love to know more about the specific events of her life that made her the character she is in the present day.
Overall, you have a lot of very good things going on here to make a strong character. She seems very entertaining, and has the potential for a strong narrative voice. Awesome job!

Claire

@joufflucharlie If you were curious about how I came up with the names to most of my characters, I used an English to Japanese translation. Her name means 'aggression', which I don't know why I chose that XP. Also, thank you for the advice!

Claire

@joufflucharlie If you were curious about how I came up with the names to most of my characters, I used an English to Japanese translation. Her name means 'aggression', which I don't know why I chose that XP. Also, thank you for the advice!