Hey! so there is a non-binary character in my story, one of the main 3, and I would love some advice on how to write them in the best way possible. I want to know what things I should include (or not) and what some things that people would want to see when it comes representation. In short, how do I make this character as cool as possible.
Also if this makes any sense: most of the nods to their gender (or the gender or anyone else in my story) is based off of my own feelings towards my own identity and gender, but rn I’m highkey just a confused presumably cis girl and so like… I don’t know if anything that I’m including thats more personal is chill because I don’t even know who I am (lol)
HIIIII OMG I can answer this!! Ok, so I’m a transmasculine transgender, ftm transsexual nonbinary person, also I’m a hella butch lesbian, I use he/they pronouns and am medically transitioning to make my sex line up with my perception of my body. What does all that mean? Transmasculine transgender means my gender isn’t quite male, but I identify more with male traits than female. FTM transsexual means I’m transitioning my sex from female to male, including planning on top and bottom surgery. Sex transition is different from gender transition in my experience of my own body, as I honestly don’t think most people have an incongruence between their gender identity and their ideal bodily sex as I do so more people just use the term “transgender” instead of “transsexual”. It’s a bit complicated to explain, so I just say that gender ≠ sex and vice versa as they are two different concepts and people seem to misunderstand how I use them. Sex is a physical thing, gender is more in the clouds as far as I’m concerned and gender is a social construct that influences a lot more than we think about ourselves and our lives.
Sexuality factors into this too. I am attracted to femininity. Always have been, although the way it’s presented has been fluid and I’m by far no Gold Star Gay (aka someone who has only had intimacy with members of their same gender/identity). I’m primarily attracted to cis women, trans women, and nonbinary folk of both assigned birth genders. Basically, no men here, although I have had certain exceptions for a handful of trans men in the past which brings me to my next point: SEXUALITY CAN BE FLUID TOO. Testosterone and starting it has caused me to have a wildly different relationship with myself and my body compared to not being on any hormones. I’ve been on and off for it for a few months to mayyyybe almost a year?? It’s hard for me to remember timelines. Anyways, humans are complicated and hormones affect the brain in way wild ways so keep in mind that while it may not always change up how you view your sexuality, it definitely can.
That’s not to say any of the aspects of gender/medical transitioning are bad or wrong. I think everyone deserves access to safe and affordable gender affirming care should they need it, even cis people! Some cis women may get a total top surgery and remove all of their breasts to align themselves more with their gender, some cis men might start estrogen for the same reasons and they’re totally still cis! I will die on the hill that cis people can experience dysphoria too and that you don’t need heavy or even any dysphoria to access lifesaving affirming medical care. I’m getting top surgery in a few months, bottom surgery too if I can afford it.
But ultimately you can write the way you wanna write this character. I’m recording my experience here to say that nonbinary comes in so many forms, and as long as you aren’t stereotyping and flattening a character and their personality like a panini press, you’re all good! Three dimensional, well fleshed out and well written characters are always better than flat and bland and boring characters in my mind, and as long as you’re not relying on harmful stereotypes it’s fine to have a flannel shirt lesbian or a frog-loving enby in there if you know you’re writing them well.
Let me know if you have ANY questions! Literally any!!
Hi!
Thank you so much for sharing! I knew a lot about what you talked about here, and so this was all very easy to follow and helpful for me. I guess my main problem was that I wanted to base some of this characters story on my own experience with my gender (obviously not their whole story, talk about bland, boring, and flat) and because in reality I’m confused, maybe uneducated, lil repression sprinkled in there, and like kinda indifferent about it, I was worried that it wouldn’t be an ok representation, or that it would be confusing. I guess like “be honest” and “share your reality” but.. idk. That may make no sense lol.
Again, thank you so much, and also congrats on getting top surgery, I hope all goes well.
