So I have a side character in one of my stories who's biologically male but identifies as female and uses female pronouns. However due to the state of the country she lives in, she'll probably never get the chance to actually transition (is that the right word?) and knows very few people who understand her struggle (or even care). Transgender stuff is not really my field of expertise, so I wanted to know if there's anything I should focus on/avoid when writing this character. Bearing in mind that even she barely understands what she's going through because she doesn't know any other trans/nonbinary people who could explain things to her. How might she cope with this? Any thoughts or suggestions?
Thanks in advance!
I'm a trans guy, not a trans woman, so I'm not a perfect expert on the trans woman's struggle, BUT, I can hopefully help a little bit. These are based on my personal POV, and I'm by no means a terrific source on this, but hopefully I can help!
Your character's situation feels incredibly bleak. Not that that's an unacceptable thing to portray at all, but it really does limit what she can do to cope. After all, if nobody can explain this to you, nobody cares, hell even she doesn't even understand it, well, things don't look amazing.
- Note her discomfort with her AGAB. When people use her given name/pronouns, remember that that is deeply uncomfortable. I know for me, I got misgendered on a particularly bad day, and couldn't get out of bed for the next three because of the mirrors in my house. It suuuucks. Even if she doesn't know that she's trans, the dysphoria is still there. And it's brutal.
- Depending on when this is set, and if they even have photos, she may find herself attracted to photos of women, but not in a romantic sense. It may be difficult to figure out if she wants to date them or be them. From what I see, this is normal, and it's something I've experienced.
Coping skills!
- Personally, as someone pre-transition (both medical and social, somewhat), finding every excuse I can to wear men's clothing helps me feel less trapped within myself, even when I didn't understand that I was trans yet. For her that might be the case as well: maybe she finds every excuse in the book to wear "feminine" clothing, or maybe she grows out her hair.
These come from Intraspectrum-Chicago:
- "Avoidant coping" (Avoiding the issue entirely): minimizing the issue, becoming emotionally detached (“Whatever. I don’t even care."), using food, drugs, or alcohol to dull emotions or thoughts, isolating from social support
These aren't great coping skills by any means, they can be legitimately harmful, but it's definitely a phase many trans people have experienced. If your character doesn't understand that she's trans, and she doesn't have anyone to walk her through it, this might be the best she can do. After all, you can't ask people to start calling you she/her and a new name if you don't know that that's even an option.
These are the NHS'S symptons of gender dysphoria, if these help as well
Gender dysphoria behaviours in children can include:
- insisting they're of the opposite sex
- disliking or refusing to wear clothes that are typically worn by their sex and wanting to wear clothes typically worn by the opposite sex
- disliking or refusing to take part in activities and games that are typically associated with their sex, and wanting to take part in activities and games typically associated with the opposite sex
- preferring to play with children of the opposite biological sex
- disliking or refusing to pass urine as other members of their biological sex usually do – for example, a boy may want to sit down to pass urine and a girl may want to stand up
- insisting or hoping their genitals will change – for example, a boy may say he wants to be rid of his penis, and a girl may want to grow a penis
- feeling extreme distress at the physical changes of puberty
Teens & Adults
Feeling..
- without doubt that your gender identity is at odds with your biological sex
- comfortable only when in the gender role of your preferred gender identity
- a strong desire to hide or be rid of the physical signs of your sex, such as breasts, body hair or muscle definition
- a strong dislike for – and a strong desire to change or be rid of – the genitalia of your biological sex
Please note that while this is an amazing list, not every trans person feels all of these things 24/7.
BUT DO TONS OF RESEARCH. I don't doubt you will, but this is a particularly complex topic! I hope I helped you out, and feel free to PM me any questions you might have if I didn't cover something!
Thank-you so much!! This is all extremely helpful. It makes me think that this character (I'm thinking her name is Yarrow) is much more unhappy in her group than I previously imagined. She's part of a tribe of bandits, and the leader did make sure that she at least wasn't bullied while she was with them, but she still felt very alone and lost, and didn't have many friends.
She probably does practice avoidant coping to some extent–I don't really see what else she'd do in her situation. :(
She does wear feminine clothes and let her hair grow very long. And yeah, some photos still exist in this world. The way the story is written atm, she realized she wanted to present as female (and discovered she was trans) by looking at old fashion magazines and some manga she found while scavenging.
It also makes me realize that part of her story gets a lot more believable if we factor in dysphoria/lack of acceptance by her original group. Basically, at a certain point she and a few others get kidnapped by this all-female tribe of bandits who are pretty mean, but they totally accept the Yarrow as female and let her join their ranks. This causes her to ultimately stay with the tribe even when her old friends escape, because this is the first place where she feels safe enough to be herself.
I hope that makes sense. And I will definitely do more research! I want to make sure I get this right, even if Yarrow is only a minor character in the overall story.
Again, thanks so much for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it! ^^
Augh, this is great! You're tackling this in what I feel to be a super respectful way, thank you! Putting her in the all-female tribe is amazing, and it reminded me of a total gender euphoria situation: when an animal who normally likes the gender you identify with likes you. Total turnaround for the day. IE- my brother's cat normally likes dudes more than gals, and he was a total sweetheart to me. It's those little moments of "oh wow!" that can really, really help you on a particularly bad day.
Ohhh that sounds amazing, what a sweet gesture (especially from a cat)! Gosh now I have to add something like that into my story, I want to make Yarrow happy lol. I'm glad to hear I'm doing this right so far, representation is something I try really hard to do properly >w<
You gave me lots of ideas and motivation to write! I'm gonna dive right back into it now XDD
Can I just in here, Dusty? I have a question about one of my characters, who's a trans guy in a fantasy setting.
*jump
Apparently I cannot spell.
Ohhh that sounds amazing, what a sweet gesture (especially from a cat)! Gosh now I have to add something like that into my story, I want to make Yarrow happy lol. I'm glad to hear I'm doing this right so far, representation is something I try really hard to do properly >w<
You gave me lots of ideas and motivation to write! I'm gonna dive right back into it now XDD
Yeah! And thank you so much for asking for advice before just jumping in, I can tell you really care about what you're doing!
Can I just in here, Dusty? I have a question about one of my characters, who's a trans guy in a fantasy setting.
Yep, go ahead! ^^
Thank you!
I was wondering if it's reasonably safe for him to have gotten top surgery pre-story given the setting. The medical technology is decent and the procedure seems pretty straightforward, but I just want to make sure that he'd be safe.
This is high fantasy, right? If so, I'd say yeah. Honestly, I'd say you have hella leeway in fantasy. If that dude over there is literally fighting a dragon, I don't see why your guy can't get top surgery. I mean, something tell me he probably wouldn't have nipples- a graft, while probably possible, just doesn't feel as likely to me.
Cool, thank you! I hate the excuse of "iT's hIsToRiCaLlY aCcUrAtE" cuz like dude. you have dragons and mermaids, but you don't have any characters who aren't straight cisgender white people? You left the history at the door with dragons.
YES! Thank you, oml. And yeah, again, I find it perfectly plausible!
Thanks again for your help!
Aw yeah, I have a trans ftm character in a fantasy setting as well. And I'm struggling because on the one hand, there are dragons, but on the other hand, it's medieval-ish fantasy and medicine isn't great yet. Also there's no full-blown magic because it's not high fantasy, so there aren't any complex spell or anything he might be able to use to change his body. And it's frustrating, but he's not the main character either, so idk. I would love to find a way for him to change what he's uncomfortable with, but it doesn't seem plausible. Anyone else have thoughts?
Oh, this is tough. First up, I'll be honest. I couldn't find any any transitional surgery since before 1912, when the first top surgery was performed in Berlin, but even that was for a trans woman. As for trans men, it was more around 1945.. As far as I know, bottom surgeries didn't take place until '66. So this puts a damper on many things involving his transition. In my opinion, I can't think of many ways for him to transition other than binding with wildly unsafe methods (IE- using bandages or tight strips of cloth), but then you'd likely need to research the negative consequences of that. I'm definitely not a historian, sadly, so I can't give you a perfect answer. As frustrating as it is, unless you're willing to give yourself a pass on historical inaccuracy, your character might have to stick with binding. If your character wears braies, which are a sort of medieval men's underwear, then maybe he can try to pack, but these were loose. Sources are linked below.
https://www.medievalists.net/2018/06/underwear-in-the-middle-ages/ (This is actually super useful for the structure of an outfit as well)
http://bilerico.lgbtqnation.com/2014/11/a_short_history_of_top_surgery_for_trans_men.php
https://www.publicmedievalist.com/transgender-middle-ages/
I'd try asking r/askhistorians as well as on here, a lot of them give very in-depth answers! Sorry I couldn't be more helpful!
Whoa! Thank you! That’s a lot more than I was expecting! I’ll definitely check those links out.
Yeah, ofc! I actually really loved researching all of this, so it's no problem!
%20pngg.png)
.jpg)