forum Murderous Critiques

Started May 05, 2020 by @SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

tune

Here's a list of my homicidal maniacs. Go in depth and murder them if you want. 😂

• Clownface
• Lux
• Oliver
• William

(I don't do critiques very often so bear with me, hope it's somewhat helpful at least)
Clownface:
-Good physical description. I am curious what his mask looks like though. (Is it a clown mask? Just a wild guess lol)
-Idk why but the white jumpsuit gives me a really creepy mental image heh ^^;
-Interesting talent. Does he have any others?
-'Temperamental' and 'angry outbursts' are roughly the same thing from my perspective
-His psychotic/sadistic tendencies seem well-described, although it's debatable whether they count as 'personality traits' or 'psychological conditions'. I'd also like to know more about this character's daily life, his past, his social life if he has one— basically he seems like a solid antagonist but adding more depth to him could really help.
-Okay, but why is he prejudiced against teenagers? Is he just jaded from having to deal with them constantly? Is he picked on by them? I want to know moooore
-Ahhhhh there's the description of the mask! I'm gonna have trouble sleeping tonight TvT
Overall: Looking good but consider fleshing him out further ^^
Lux:
-Good physical description. Nice detail about his eyes ^^
-Not to quibble, but "muscular" isn't really a body type. It's more about your bone structure nd the shape you're genetically inclined to be most often. If he's genetically inclined to build muscle easily, that's one thing, but it might just be the product of hard work and a healthy lifestyle. (Not to say I don't write the exact same description for some of my characters, but the point still stands lol)
-I like his talents and mannerisms ^^
-Motivations seem strong, nice nice
-Good logical flaws, although you might want to at least add as many as there are talents for the sake of balance shrug
-Aaaaaand why is he prejudiced against orcs exactly? Is it something he learned from his family/society or did they hurt him somehow?
-You say he's intelligent, wise, and kind, but he's also on your list of homicidal maniacs. How come?
-"Cursed to be evil" is an interesting concept, but a bit vague. What specifically is he forced to do that's evil? Remember that right and wrong are subjective, so make sure his actions are clearly wrong when he's influenced by the curse.
-I love his horse's name lol
-More worldbuilding, good. More curse details, good. I still think "evil" isn't maybe the right term to use here. It makes me think he just starts doing the Evil LaughTM and picking on random heroes for no good reason whenever the curse takes effect…..which isn't very compelling.
-Overall: An interesting, well-made character, but consider making sure all the details add up and explaining his curse/backstory more carefully.
Oliver:
-Again, nice description and outfit details.
-Very nice mannerisms, but anybody who spends time around him will be able to read him like a book if they pay attention to his behavior. This probably isn't good for a supposedly talented liar. shrug
-Solid, straightforward motivations. Very real sounding.
-Good flaws
-Well of course he hates superheroes if he's a villain lol. Anything else he hates? Cold coffee for example? Drooly dogs? Obnoxious children? These kinds of things add a lot more color to a character.
-What kinds of books does he like to read?
-Consider adding some positive traits to his personality, or at least some traits that make people believe he's a nice guy at first.
-I like the detailed 'favorites' section, and the 'job/occupation' section. Sets him up well as a man of influence and corruption.
-Woah, he has powers? I'd like to hear more about that. His past definitely needs more explaining compared to the rest of his profile. Also, are his powers a secret? Does the city know their mayor can create black holes?
Overall: Looking good, make sure his personality is consistent and maybe flesh out his backstory.
William:
-I assume his physical description refers to his true form, or the body he is currently possessing.
-I'm starting to notice a pattern among your villains when it comes to distinctive scars lol
-consider going into more detail about what it means to be a part of the demon race–What are some traits of the race, their habitat, culture, ect.–if you want
-Personally, his fashion choices strikes me as kinda cliché, but maybe it just fits his personal aesthetic. Up to you.
-Consider fleshing out his talents section a bit more, "killing" is maybe a talent but it's more interesting to hear what makes him a good killer (for example 'stealthy', 'good at covering his tracks,' good at combat' etc.)
-I'm going to be a little biased here and suggest you remove 'smirking' from his mannerisms. Cocky/evil characters always smirk. Always. What even is a smirk anyway? Read any amateur writing/rp and you will find an overabundance of characters that only know how to raise one eyebrow, smirk, and chuckle darkly. Just saying.
-His motivations are interesting and have potential. I recommend handling them with care. I tried designing a species that feeds off chaos/destruction/the suffering of others once, and it didn't really work out in the end because ultimately the villain's motives became too weak and shallow. I think it can be done though, so definitely keep it in if you want.
-His flaws look good
-lol I bet he makes a lot of friends with prejudices like those. /sarcasm
-Good hobbies I think
-A solid, balanced personality–just make sure his 'soft side' isn't used as an excuse to justify his bad behavior
-I think I read about this character's backstory in a different thread somewhere, but you might want to add it to his profile as well. Right now I don't know anything about his situation/personal struggles and therefore have little reason to sympathize with him.
Overall: A great base for a villain, but if you're trying to make him likeable/charismatic/compelling at all, some more work needs to be done. On the other hand, if he's intended to be a villain with no sympathetic traits, awesome work!

That's all I found! These are all just my opinions of course, good luck developing these characters further!