forum Let me critique your characters!! (Closed for now :) )
Started by @JuniperDreams group
tune

people_alt 60 followers

@JuniperDreams group

@Oppy-is-tired First off, I want to say thank you for your kind, insightful review of my character, Seraphine! It was greatly appreciated, and a lot of your criticism is really helping me develop her further. :)

-Overview: Very solid; you've clearly put a lot of thought behind why she would have each alias instead of just finding cute nicknames, which I respect. I really like the detail of adding her birth mother's name for her and how that was misinterpreted. Original and well thought!

-Appearance: This might just be a personal peeve, but I don't really see what the point is to describing a character's scent if this is for a written work (hell, even for a drawn or animated work!). Unless her scent is so distinctive that someone would be able to recognize her by that alone (which doesn't seem to be the case here), it just seems a little excessive.
Aside from that, she seems a little underweight for her height (if that was your intention then that's fine! I am 5'5" and for along time I weighed around 111 lbs, so I know it's not an unhealthy weight, just teetering on that line). I love your descriptions of her hair (I like to see "looks" sections that would easily let me draw the character if I were asked to) since the way she wears it seems very unique and intentional. I also liked the detail of her cutting her own hair when it passes a certain point, which is something I do too lmao. Her entire looks section is extremely detailed, almost excessively. It does paint a very clear image of what Alice looks like (which I appreciate as an artist), but it could also overwhelm a reader if you tried to include every single detail you have mentioned here. Just keep that in mind!

-Nature: Yeah, her alignment fits pretty well here. Make sure you aren't building her around the alignment, though. Those should be bent to fit your character, not the other way around. You did a great job with the conditions section (one I struggle with tbh)! However, are you sure she has only moderate anxiety? I have moderate social anxiety and can still go out in public most days. Hers sounds kind of critical, from my personal experience at least. Either way, you have done a great job explaining how her life is impeded by her anxiety and in my opinion, you have also done spectacularly at separating that from her personality (it annoys me to no end when an author builds an entire personality around one condition. I understand how they correlate, but they should never define each other!).
I often find the mannerisms section kind of useless too, especially for written work, but you have done a good job at justifying why each of them is important to know and I can easily imagine them being worked into a story seamlessly. Good job!
Her motivation is fine, very realistic.
Okay, you could work on her flaws some more. Most of them are either recounting her conditions section or are trying to be justified. Let Alice have some flaws that aren't endearing or pitiable. It's okay for your character to not be 100% likeable or sympathetic. In fact, that can often give dimension and room for visible growth from a reader's perspective. I'm not going to tell you what your character's flaws should be, just make sure you step back and really think about this section.
Her talents and hobbies are very cool! I LOVE how you tied in her alchemic practice with cooking! Shit like that makes me so excited about a character! In my opinion, she doesn't need more than two or three hobbies (many people will try to tell you to pile them on but that's just not necessary) so good on you! Very neat :)

-Social: Alice has a lot of close friends for someone with bad social anxiety, don't you think? And I'm not saying that would make her instantly unlikable, but she really has a posse of friends built up. Would some of them be better categorized as acquaintances perhaps? If she tends to isolate herself, like you have implied, many people would be turned off from trying to get closer to her, and she probably wouldn't want that much attention either. Again, this is your story and I can't make you change anything. Just take it into consideration.
Lmao maybe I just don't know enough about your universe bc a lot of her likes and politics and stuff were lost on me. I'll just assume they make sense in context and move on.

-History: That is quite a history! Maybe move that into your universe category and leave this section to your character's actual life story. It does help with context, but it's a LOT to read through to get to the actual character part. IN terms of Alice's life, it can be read as a bit cliche and overdoing it in the "bad home life" area, but it's interesting and if you edit down and really research the tropes you are using, I think it will be an awesome story!

Over all, you have a really solid character and a great sense for visualization. You have clearly put a great deal of thought into this character and with a bit of editing down and refinement, she is potentially very fascinating!

@jantz

Yooooo this was super super helpful, thank you! You made a lot of good points and I'm already taking them into consideration. I really appreciate this <3
(and no problem on the critique of Seraphine! If you ever need a second thought on something I'm here for you)

@JuniperDreams group

@Celestial-Burst
Ivy:
-Overview: Nothing stands out here, pretty solid. Why does her being the oldest make her the leader? Is she so much older that its a matter of maturity? She's only seventeen so the others would have to be a lot younger to justify that. Did she declare herself the leader because of her age? Not a major criticism, just a nitpick.

-Looks: I didn't really have any issues with this section either, especially since you provided drawings. She's very cute! Your drawing style is super clean and pleasing to look at! :) One note, actually, is that her weight, height, and the way you drew her don't quite match up. She looks quite skinny in your rendition, and even though you said she has slightly thick thighs, 140 is on the much heavier side of average for a 5'6" teenager. For reference, I am an athletic 5'6" 20 year old, and I would say that I have a fair amount of muscle build on my thighs and torso. I weigh around 120 lbs (give or take 2 lbs). She would have to be either THICC or RIPPED at her height and age to be 140 while still having an athletic build.
I'm interested in this special race of humans, though! That could be extremely interesting to read about!

-Nature: You've really piled on the mannerisms and I don't think all of them are especially necessary. Everyone yawns, most people will vary their talking speed depending on their emotions. I'm not a huge fan of the mannerisms section in general because I think they are kind of useless for written work. If you are making something visual then you still have a huge excess of mannerisms. Just think about what you could describe with words that wouldn't sound contrived or unnatural.
Her motivation is very solid, pretty realistic to her situation. However, a some of her hobbies counter the immediacy and importance of her mission to me. A lot of her hobbies seem like lazy, time passing activities and she seems to be motivated by a sense of urgency for change, which creates an oxymoron. It's not that she can't like to do those things, but its every single one of her hobbies.
Her prejudices also seems realistic to her situation (although does parental dislike count as a prejudice? I'm actually just not sure there).
Maybe flesh out her flaws a little more. A lot of them are really good and I can see where you are going with them, but you don't try to describe how they impact her life and it feels more like a last-minute list. I always prefer a character to have a few well though out and balanced flaws than for them to have a lot of flaws for seemingly no reason.
Her conditions seem more like flaws to me (and I struggle with this section, as well, so no judgement form me!).
Again, I'm very, very interested in this power system you have created! It's a little generic but I think that you can work it into something extremely cool!

Social: I don't think the politics section is asking for her opinion on politics, more so it's asking what she believes is right and wrong. This is confusing, I know, because of our mainstream understanding of what politics are, but it all boils down to how we see the fairness and how your character might treat their ruling power/how they follow the rules if at all. The rest of the section is good. Everything seems pretty justified and natural, so good work here! I like that you took the time to describe her relationships instead of just linking the character pages. That's super cool and helpful!

History: Yeah, her story is super intriguing! I would be hyped to read something about her (be it a book, comic, or whatever) and I love where you are going with her character!

You definitely need to think more about the "why's" of your character's nature and make sure you are using the sections properly, but otherwise she is super cool and unique! (and if you wouldn't mind I would actually really love to draw her..)

@Rainy_is_back

(Awesome! Thank you bunches! I still need to edit some current things, but I feel like I want to share one of my actual story characters eheh.)(So it works for me that you won't be able to get it done today!)

@Celestial-Burst

Thanks so much! And yeah, I can see what you mean when you talk about her mannerisms, i'm thinking of doing a webcomic for their story or something visual like that so I just thought I'd chuck some simple little things into it. I've also been told her weight is a little higher too haha, I guess I should fix that then lol.
But I really appreciate your opinion! (and I wouldn't mind if you drew her, that would actually make my day lol)

@JuniperDreams group

Thanks so much! And yeah, I can see what you mean when you talk about her mannerisms, i'm thinking of doing a webcomic for their story or something visual like that so I just thought I'd chuck some simple little things into it. I've also been told her weight is a little higher too haha, I guess I should fix that then lol.
But I really appreciate your opinion! (and I wouldn't mind if you drew her, that would actually make my day lol)

Ooh, I would love to see this as a webcomic if you ever pursue it! (and thanks!!)

@JuniperDreams group

@Divine-Irish-Potato
Vozreal:
Overview: Ooh so they're basically Voldemort? lmao. Nothing here stands out, seems pretty solid!

Appearance: I would definitely be more descriptive with the appearance. A general rue of thumb I like to go by would be to make sure that if you gave your character's profile to an artist and asked them to draw your character exactly as you imagine them, their physical description alone should be enough for them to do so without going overboard in details. You have described their hair as black, short, and spiky. While this is in no way a bad description, its still very vague. Does it spike up? Down? Is it parted anywhere? What's the texture of his hair like? Is it soft or oily? Shiny? (okay I think you get my point here). The same goes for their skin tone and especially their body type!
I like that you included an outfits section! That is extremely helpful, and although the description is, again, pretty vague, I have a full idea of what their wardrobe consists of. Good work here!

Health: Oh my god, please be more descriptive here. Terrible mental health can mean SO MANY things! Saying that alone is just not enough. In what way is their mental health terrible? That could mean that they are severely depressed, have horrible narcissism, some sort of schizophrenic disorder, or so SO many other things. Not every mental issue will affect the body and mind in the same way, so we just need more.

Social: Maybe expand on what you mean by destruction as their politics? Politics should describe what your character views as right and wrong, how they approach the law, more of an alignment chart sort of deal. Destruction could fit into that, but it alone is not a political stance. Everything else is good, I'm glad that you have enough characters to catalogue all of their friends and enemies!

Nature: You really aren't giving me much to work with in this bio. A lot of these traits are great starting points; hating God is a fantastic prejudice and you have used the mannerisms and motivations categories well, but one sentence for each will hardly suffice. You really just need to expand on all of the sections here. Also, it is abundantly clear that this character is a villain, like so much so that they feel one dimensional. I hate calling characters on here tropey because I know that a lot of them are incomplete, but you couldn't have gone harder on the "evil satan bad guy" trope if you tried. That's not always a bad thing, but because of your lack of detail with his description, you aren't giving me anything to believe that this character is anything more than that trope. Am I making any sense?

History: Lmao all I have to say here is maybe don't put the chapter that your character dies in their description? Keep that in private notes if you really need it for your own reference, but don't make that public knowledge.

(also, you can use the stats page in whatever way you want obviously, but I think that is typically for D&D stats? Like 1-20 on a d20 die?)

Overall, I think you just need to add more details to Vozreal and really expand on most aspects of them. Make sure you aren't falling into one-dimensional character tropes and flesh out their personality. Great start! Keep it up! :)