forum Incorrect character quotes, but it's only John Mulaney quotes

Started September 23, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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Self-explanatory

Quill: In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

Jack: I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die.

Cyrus: I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

Elyas: My vibe is like, hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you.
Ren: No one cared what I thought.
Himari: It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them - especially when you were supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.
Chan: The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
Lucas: I look back on being 17 and think, 'Oh my God, how did I not die?
Zephyr: I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.

Delta: jumps off a cliff with a glider suit Delta Airlines, where life is a heck-ing nightmare!
Theo: Before I got a girlfriend, I had no standards for how I should be treated.
Karma: I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel good about yourself. It sounds like I'm saying something sweet, but really, it's just the truth.

Alga: Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?
Rothos: The bread of god is breaaad. Bread is god is breaaaaad

kacey: i am very small and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under.
nabila: i will pepper in the fact that i am gay.
karuko: i'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, i'll die.
yannika: you know how i'm filled with rage?
teigan: my best friend is a bitch and i like her so much.
cassidy: hey, you could pour soup in my lap and i'll probably apologize to you.

Destrian: Oh no, those were bad people, you gotta stop the Nazis.
King Robin: But you saw what happened to Peter and still did nothing?
Destrian: Cause I was over on the bench!
King Robin: So how are you better than a Nazi?

King Tarrowyn: Shut up, you're all gonna die! Street smarts!

King Robin, talking about King Tarrowyn: It's like there's a horse loose in a hospital.

Sadon, when he first meets Destrian: I will pepper in the fact that I am gay.

Destrian and Sadon: the entirety of the Salt n Pepper Diner bit

Aryn: Look at that high waisted man, he got feminine hips!
Peter: NO THAT'S THE THING I'M SENSITIVE ABOUT!

Ari: Can I at least get on another flight?
Matt: No. As a matter of fact, we're going to frame you for murder!

paike: i also don't want me to be doing what i'm doing.
osha: i actually just quit drinking a couple months ago, because– oh, i'm not exactly slap happy about it myself.
iro: excuse me, i'm new in town, and it gets worse.
bishop: well, i was gonna put this bottle rocket into this carton of eggs, so that when i lit off the bottle rocket, the eggs would e'splode everwhere!
aeolus: hey, could you help me out? i'm very gay.
aethex: i've been zoned out since 2014.
dallas: you have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments! that you win!

Takeru: I'm standing in the basement and I'm holding a red cup, you've seen movies. And I'm standing there holding a red cup and I'm starting to blackout and I guess someone said like something police. And in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled “Fuck da police!" And everyone else joined in. A hundred drunk white children yelling fuck da police.
Vanth: I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
Haiael: It's 100% easier not to do things than to do them.

1. Valentin:
   Adrius: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair

2. Rafi: Do you think giants are real? It'd be really cool to meet one don't ya think.
   Isadore, internally: And I said no, you know, like a liar

3. Lets pretend this isn't a prostate exam
   Esa: oOoHhH I'm sOrRy

4. Uzar with Irakles or George:
   “How was school today?” I said, “It was good but someone pushed Tyler off the seesaw.” “And where were you?” “I was over on the bench.” “And what did you do?” “Nothing. I was over on the bench.” “But you saw what happened?” “Yeah, ’cause I was over on the bench.” “So you saw what happened and you did nothing?” “Yeah, ’cause I was sitting over on the bench.” “Let me ask you this. In Nazi Germany…”

5. Ilfred recounting knight training: I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. I didn’t drink water the entire time. I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and Adderall.

(These are just the characters I thought of off the top of my head.)
Micah: Fourteen years ago I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation. Now I'm afraid to get a flu shot. People change.
Mark: "Now when you get kidnapped-" Not if; when.
Kai: What's yesterday?
April: Everyone get out of my way. I just want to sit here and feed my birds.
Vita: This is an on fire garbage can; could be a nursery.

Frog and/or Juniper: Do my friends hate me, or do I just need to go to sleep?

Frog staring at mind-controlled Dick after he just confessed his love to Juniper: Now we don't have time to unpack all of that!

Shiloh and/or Vanessa: Hey! Do you want me to kill that guy for you?

Alex: Shut up, you're all gonna die! Street smarts!

Shiloh about Vanessa: My wife is a bitch, and I like her so much.

Frog: I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

Juniper: I'll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die.

(also Alex would pull the What's New Pussycat stunt so there's that)

Hinata, recapping everything that happened in his life: I look back on being 17 and think, 'Oh my god, how did I not die?'

Shiro: I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time that I was interesting.

Mya: I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

Kai: My vibe is like, hey you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.

Minus, to Kai: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair.

Collin: College was like a four-year game show called ‘Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?’

Luso: I don’t look older, I just look worse.

Kuro, talking about Luso: We started chanting, McDonald’s, McDonald’s, McDonald’s! And my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.