forum I WILL CRITIQUE YOUR CHARACTERS
Started by @Discombra
tune

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@Discombra

I have some free time and nothing else to do with my life because writer's block is a bitch, I'll critique your characters. Constructive criticism and/or compliments.

Have at me!

@Discombra

I have 2 buddy cop paranormal investigators here. https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/676445- Jacqueline Ash
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/676416- Richter.
Can you plz critique them?

@Caboose

Jacqueline Ash
In short: Strong character with a well-developed history. Expand history some more; specifically the time when living with Tobias.
In long:

  1. The tattoos. The last one is brilliant. The first two I'm confused by. Is there a deeper meaning to them like the last? Or were they just for fun?
  2. Blessed blood is a really cool idea, but a bit vague. "Light protection against demons" What does that mean?
  3. You should add something with a bit more substance to her Talents. Something more related to her hunting abilities, rather than her drinking?

Richter
In short: A very interesting character, all in all. Put some more detail into his Nature. Expand more in his History, a bit of detail regarding his life post-possession.
In long:

  1. You should add some Character Flaws. Or move anger management to "Flaws".
  2. I love the concept of the Spirit of Reckoning. How was Richter possessed by the Spirit of Reckoning? What changes did the possession cause to his psyche (changes to personality, etc.)?
  3. The demon form is a neat idea, but you focus a lot on what the demon adds to Richter. What does the angel add? Does the angel give Richter an angelic body? If not, why?

@Discombra

Elliott (Macnon) can you do mine?

@CurtisFamWriters

In short: I love this! The idea of a demon with a split personality is brilliant. That being said, you need to go into more detail regarding his Nature.
In long:

  1. What does "average" weight and height mean? Don't be afraid to go into more detail
  2. How is he motivated by his parents' murder? Does he want to kill Abigor? Does he want to free Abigor? What does he want to do with Eligos?
  3. Expand more on his Personality. "Charismatic" is merely one aspect, and way too broad for a 13 year old.

@Discombra

Hey bro could you critique Luis for me here?

@Suspicious_Reptiles

In short: Seems like an interesting character, given what information is there. It would be nice if you could expand more on his relationship with the Wolf and the butcher.
In long:

  1. Why does he keep the Wolf a secret from his Wife? Does it serve a purpose or is it there purely for conflict?
  2. Expand more on his relationship with the butcher. Is it purely professional, with Louis having a crush? Or is it an affair? Does his wife know?
  3. What would drive him to kill someone? Would it be slow, or quick? Would he hesitate even if it was morally correct?

@Discombra

Can you do this one to? Pride Godafre

@CurtisFamWriters

In short: I love her name. She sounds like a pretty cool character, but needs a bit more backstory in the History tab.
In long:

  1. Why isn't her Mind Manipulation as powerful as Elliot's, since she was born with the ability?
  2. What is she possessed by?
  3. Her personality is a bit confusing. You have conflicting information. Specifically about her being snooty. It's her flaw, but it's merely an act?