forum I need help with writing a asexual character.

Started April 28, 2020 by @aaloo_thinks

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Hey guys I am writing a main character who is a female and identifies as asexual Any advice how to write it properly without it looking offensive or forced.

Aromantic asexual, or just asexual?

Just Asexual

Ah. I fall on the asexual spectrum myself, as I am demisexual.

Well, it's pretty simple. No sexual attraction. Some asexuals have more limits, per say, as far as affection in general. Some asexuals aren't comfortable with kissing, or cuddling, and the works. Some are, but just don't experience sexual attraction. It depends on how your character feels in that respect.

If my character experiences romantic attraction how should I write that,like will it be same as writing a romantic relationship of any other character and thanks for replying and helping.

^^^^ Very good advice for sure. Keep in mind that ace people often do still think someone's pretty/handsome/generally pleasing to look at, but it just doesn't translate to whatever sexual attraction feels like(I'm asexual myself). It's just an aesthetic attraction. Some of us also feel sensual attraction(wanting to be touched in a non-sexual way, like cuddling etc.), but again, it's not a sexual thing. I hope this helps, and don't hesitate to ask if you need stuff clarified! It's nice to see someone trying to make sure their character is written and portrays asexuality accurately! :)

@Cloudy-On-Quarantine Thank you for this reply. I also want to write about the struggles of my main character with their sexuality Any tips for that?

You're very welcome! And as for that, a lot of the time we get told that we "haven't found the right person" or that it's a "hormone imbalance"(I forget what the actual term is, but it's[wrongly] classified as a mental illness). Possibly the worst part is when we're told or sometimes even tell ourselves that we're broken and need to be fixed. There's also the fact that a lot of the times we question ourselves on it, like thinking that maybe we're repressing our attraction or something like that.

@Cloudy-On-Quarantine Thank you this was very helpful I will keep this mind while writing my character.

One thing I would say, is to make sure you talk about people saying things like:
"Keep an open mind"
"You're young, just wait until those hormones kick in" (I'm 18 and I still get this one)
"How can you not want children? It's part of being human"
"your legacy is something to be proud of, you need to make sure those genes pass on"
In the end, it always, (in my experience), amounts to "you don't know what you're talking about"
I'm an ace/aro person here, so ye.
bIgGEst thING thO: DO NOT make asexuality the main defining trait of this character, PLEASE. (I mean, do what you want, she's your chara) but honestly, usually the LAST thing on my mind is my sexuality. I think about millions of other things, my entire life revolves around everything but my aceness, and so forth.
Of course, I'm highly confident in my sexuality, so if your oc isn't, it will take up more of her worry, but she'll still have the majority of her life not to do with it. Sexuality is a tiny, _tiny

part of who we are.

@Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull Thank you SO much this will be very helpful.

Glad to hear! If you have any more questions, you can always tag me or pm me :)

Write them, without having romantic or sexual feelings for anyone, if it's an asexual character. Basically, no love interest as motivation. Instead write them as people.

Write them, without having romantic or sexual feelings for anyone, if it's an asexual character. Basically, no love interest as motivation. Instead write them as people.

I actually kind of disagree with this one? Aaloo said that their character was just asexual when asked if they were aro too, so a love interest or love-based motivation is a completely viable option. Just not in a sexual way.

Sorry, that kind of hits a personal spot so if someone says that ace people don't have romantic feelings I tend to point it out.

Write them, without having romantic or sexual feelings for anyone, if it's an asexual character. Basically, no love interest as motivation. Instead write them as people.

I actually kind of disagree with this one? Aaloo said that their character was just asexual when asked if they were aro too, so a love interest or love-based motivation is a completely viable option. Just not in a sexual way.

Sorry, that kind of hits a personal spot so if someone says that ace people don't have romantic feelings I tend to point it out.

I am so sorry if I offended you @Cloudy-On-Quarantine, I did not intend to offend anyone
I was meaning love interest in like a sexual love interest, if that makes sense, I should have worded it better, my apologies

Write them, without having romantic or sexual feelings for anyone, if it's an asexual character. Basically, no love interest as motivation. Instead write them as people.

I actually kind of disagree with this one? Aaloo said that their character was just asexual when asked if they were aro too, so a love interest or love-based motivation is a completely viable option. Just not in a sexual way.

Sorry, that kind of hits a personal spot so if someone says that ace people don't have romantic feelings I tend to point it out.

I am so sorry if I offended you @Cloudy-On-Quarantine, I did not intend to offend anyone
I was meaning love interest in like a sexual love interest, if that makes sense, I should have worded it better, my apologies

You're fine, it was just worded weird, but you explained it so no harm done. I agree with the "write them as people" part though.

Asexuality is funky. All of us are different. For example, we all have different levels of comfort with touching people. Some aces are sex repulsed (sex is nasty, change my mind. Actually, please don't), and others might enjoy sex. Asexuality is about attraction, not action. Important distinction. Aces can still make dirty jokes, and enjoy dirty jokes. It's also important to note that asexuality is a spectrum. People tend to confuse "aromantic" and "asexual", so even if your character isn't aro, telling people their ace might make them think so. Another thing that some people say is "you're just gay and in denial" (although this might just be an aroace thing? Not quite sure).

I've mostly come to terms with it, but I still question myself a lot. But it's definitely not something that leaks into everyday life, y'know? More like…. I'm alone in my room or someone says something and I spiral down into wondering if I'm broken or if I'm even ace at all

Asexuality is about attraction, not action.

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice.