forum I need help with my girl Elizabeth

Started July 13, 2018 by @purpleconverse

tune

please help me out yall

Heh, you might want to start by making it available for public viewing, I think she must still be marked as private

Looks:
-How does she wear her hair? With it that long, it would probably be a pain to have down all the time, so she would probably wear it in a ponytail, braid, or other convenient style.
Nature:
-Maybe add a little more to the mannerisms section. How does she carry herself? What does she do when she's happy or excited?
-How exactly does she shut people out? Does she avoid eye contact, not talk to anyone?
-What do you mean by "be somebody?" Is there a specific field she wants to excel in?
-Prejudices are preconcieved ideas. It's fine if she doesn't like untrustworthy people or bullies, but that isn't really a prejudice. This section can be hard for characters like Elizabeth who see the good in everything, but think about anyone she instinctively doesn't like or trust and why that is. (Also, she's a musician, and I've seen musicians judge people based on what instrument they play. Like, in a high school setting, all the band kids hate the orchestra kids EXCEPT the cellos; they're okay. And the percussionists think they're better than the woodwinds but they're BOTH wrong; the brass section is obviously the best, but not the trumpets; they're the worst, etc. It's very strange, but people do it.)
-In the personality section, you seem to describe her as an introverted person who has a wild side once you get to know her, which conflicts a bit with the (extroverted) campaigner personality type. Also, I find it a little strange that she'll fight someone if they mess with someone else (especially since she's shy and anxious in crowds/with people she doesn't know), but won't stand up for herself. Maybe she shouldn't be as aggressive in standing up for others (she would still do it), and then she could more realistically not stand up for herself (maybe because she feels she doesn't need to because she can take it) while fitting with the gentle personality she seems to have. Does that make sense?
Social:
-There are many different branches of Christianity (including but not limited to Catholicism, Methodism, and Episcopalianism). They all have the same core beliefs, so if you don't plan to write about her religion in the story (beyond celebrating Christmas or something like that), it's no big deal.
-Fill out the favorite weapon section even if it doesn't apply (character development!)
Overall, pretty good job! I really like her!

Hello @purpleconverse, I really like your character!! I love how you described her hair, when you write make sure to describe why she doesn't cut it, it would be cool to hear. She is really good overall, although one critique I have is, two of the body type notes you put in don't match. Slim hourglass and thicc but not that thicc are not similar, maybe it would help if you stated what parts of the body are slim, ect. Really good job!

Hello @purpleconverse, I really like your character!! I love how you described her hair, when you write make sure to describe why she doesn't cut it, it would be cool to hear. She is really good overall, although one critique I have is, two of the body type notes you put in don't match. Slim hourglass and thicc but not that thicc are not similar, maybe it would help if you stated what parts of the body are slim, ect. Really good job!

Hey, thank you so much for that review! I re-read the body type and hair categories and I fixed them up a bit. I was hoping that you'd look at it and tell me what you thought of her now! thank you <3

Looks:
-How does she wear her hair? With it that long, it would probably be a pain to have down all the time, so she would probably wear it in a ponytail, braid, or other convenient style.
Nature:
-Maybe add a little more to the mannerisms section. How does she carry herself? What does she do when she's happy or excited?
-How exactly does she shut people out? Does she avoid eye contact, not talk to anyone?
-What do you mean by "be somebody?" Is there a specific field she wants to excel in?
-Prejudices are preconcieved ideas. It's fine if she doesn't like untrustworthy people or bullies, but that isn't really a prejudice. This section can be hard for characters like Elizabeth who see the good in everything, but think about anyone she instinctively doesn't like or trust and why that is. (Also, she's a musician, and I've seen musicians judge people based on what instrument they play. Like, in a high school setting, all the band kids hate the orchestra kids EXCEPT the cellos; they're okay. And the percussionists think they're better than the woodwinds but they're BOTH wrong; the brass section is obviously the best, but not the trumpets; they're the worst, etc. It's very strange, but people do it.)
-In the personality section, you seem to describe her as an introverted person who has a wild side once you get to know her, which conflicts a bit with the (extroverted) campaigner personality type. Also, I find it a little strange that she'll fight someone if they mess with someone else (especially since she's shy and anxious in crowds/with people she doesn't know), but won't stand up for herself. Maybe she shouldn't be as aggressive in standing up for others (she would still do it), and then she could more realistically not stand up for herself (maybe because she feels she doesn't need to because she can take it) while fitting with the gentle personality she seems to have. Does that make sense?
Social:
-There are many different branches of Christianity (including but not limited to Catholicism, Methodism, and Episcopalianism). They all have the same core beliefs, so if you don't plan to write about her religion in the story (beyond celebrating Christmas or something like that), it's no big deal.
-Fill out the favorite weapon section even if it doesn't apply (character development!)
Overall, pretty good job! I really like her!

Thank you above and beyond for this comment!! I was honestly struggling on putting this character together and you've help a lot! I fixed her up and i would love it if you would take another look at her and tell me what you think! thank you <3