I may not get around to them immediately, since I still have one research paper to finish, but it will be the second thing on my to-do list! Make sure your characters are public before you link them, and expect a thorough analysis! I'll try not to go too hard on anyone's character (unless you tell me to, ofc).
It would be awesome if you could look over Lisa. Her sheet is not extremely detailed but please go hard on her. I really want to build this world, so I have to know the character. I should probably explain a little bit, since the story's a bit odd: Lisa is a 61 year old woman in prison on death row. She's not liked and is constantly in solitary confinement, which leads to the development of insanity. She creates a post-apocalyptic world in her head where she's 19 and completely alone. Thank you in advance!
Meadow Robbins Not fully finished, but i would appreciate it :)
Alright @mackncheese06 lets start off with your character.
Lemme just say off the bat… this premise is really fucking neat! I love stories like this one you've planned out where the entire plot is only kind of actually happening! An older woman in prison using distorted memories as escapism? Hell yeah! To me, this could be an awesome base for some deep psychological exploration, metaphor, and narrative. Basically, you could do some super trippy stuff with that premise, and I super dig it! I'm already pumped to see what this character is like!
'Kay, so off the top, you chose a good name. It makes sense for a character born in the 60's, and I really appreciate when an author considers things like that. ((And are you thinking of titling your book "Insanity to Sunflowers"? Because if not, I think you should really consider it! It sounds really good as a title!)) I also really like that you added the detail that her name isn't mentioned until the end (although maybe make the bit about her execution private since it can be read as a spoiler).
Looks are solid, I like that you took the time to mention how they differ in her mind to the reality. Really pushes that fractured mindset theme.
So… you might want to elaborate about her prejudice against Chinese people… is there a major reason for that or is just… racism? Like, I think the nature of your character being an inherently messed up person who isn't "good" would leave the door open for racist tendencies, but it kinda goes against what you have established with her politically liberal worldview a bit. I think it's okay for a main character to have those prejudices if they are handles well and are presented as a negative trait (which it seems like they are for Lisa. She seems like a very troubled and almost evil person), but knowing of there is in fact a deeper seated reason behind a racist attitude does give depth to the character's mindset to me. Aside from that, the mannerisms are good and her motivation seems realistic to her story. Honestly, I think I'm okay with her "flaws" section being longer than her "personality type" in this scenario, seeing as her flaws are kind of her personality. Maybe this is an area to work on, though. Develop a small personality underneath her entirely flawed character, and bring that out in her made-up universe. Just a suggestion, but something that I think could really start to push her story.
"Favorite animal" detail is nice; I think it shows an interesting departure from her previously developed character, a desire to be free to run around the trees. Also like the wedding ring detail, though maybe elaborate about whether she has it in her reality or imagination (I think prisons confiscate jewelry from inmates, but I could be wrong about that). Neat stuff!
Ultimately, I think you have a solid basis. maybe expand on all of the sections a little more, really expand that cool duality you established with the premise, and consider how that can be exploited to further a possible narrative. This seems like an ambitious story, and I would honestly love to read it if you ever publish/post anything! Keep it up! :)
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Alrighty, @Milano! You're next! :)
So Meadow Robbins (cool name, first off!). I'll be honest, I'm having a little bit of trouble grasping this character. I think that, over all, you need to be a little bit more descriptive with her non-physical traits, and maybe give her some more dimensions. But I'll elaborate on that in my full critique, so just keep that in the back of your mind!
Overview looks perfectly good, no problems there (I find there rarely are anyways).
Height/weight ratio checks out. Wow, that's one flowery description for her appearance! I can appreciate a good simile, though. The line "…like she came with the earth, not to the earth" gave me the first inklings that maybe she isn't from this planet, so nice subtle hinting there! On that note though, I think you are a little on the nose with all of your descriptions. I immediately got the impression that she was an earthy, tree-hugger type (not mad at that, I totally am too!), and while it can be cool to have that manifest in her appearance, make sure that isn't her only trait and the only thing you are working her character around. It kind of seems to be at the moment.
And that takes us to her personality. I'll be frank with you, it always annoys me a when people say they "want to go back in time to stop climate change". I am an ecology major, so the environment and wildlife preservation are insanely important to me! Trust me, I'm basically dead set on becoming a riverbank and wildlife restorationist in the future; global warming and climate change are not just as simple fixes as changing the past. One would have to basically change thousands of aspects about all of human history since the development of agriculture to even hope for a world without global warming. Even in a world where time travel does exist, the changes that would have to happen to stop global warming would have other devastating effects on the future, and it is pretty foolish to ignore that. I think if you are dead set on having this as her motivation, you should take all of this into consideration, and please, for the love of god, make sure your science is correct!!! The way your story sounds right now, it leans towards sci-fi, and I promise you sci-fi critics will absolutely tear you a new one if you get the science wrong. (I am always here as a resource, though, if you need to fact check. Scientific research is hard work, and for someone who cares more about the actual writing its probably pretty daunting, so don't be afraid to ask me questions! :) ).
I promise, I'm not trying to be mean, I just want to give you a thorough and honest critique here. Aside from that, though, I do quite like her personality! Maybe expand on her flaws and describe the whole section a bit more, but it's a great start!
Again, I need more when it comes to her history, but it's interesting. I like the idea of someone not born on earth being so devoted to its health! Super neat! Maybe just explore the "why"s of her character more; why does she care so much about the earth when its not even her birth home? Why does she think that time-travel can help her?
Oh! I actually have a great resource for you! There is a whole sub-genre of sci-fi called ecofiction, that basically focuses on the impacts of climate change. A lot of it has to do with the aftermath of climate change and things like that, and this plot seems to fall within that category. It is pretty pessimistic where your story sounds like it has an optimistic tone, but I think that you could really benefit from reading some ecofiction works. The most popular example is "The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck, but that's a pretty advanced work and I don't know how old you are to accurately recommend literature to you. Send me a pm if you are at all interested in some recs!
So, I think you could expand a lot more on Meadow, but she has a good basis and this story seems promising! I'm sorry if I went off a bit hard on you, and keep it up! :)
Alright, I'm awake again and ready to continue with these critiques! Next up is @Alastor_Radio_Demon!
((Slightly off-topic, but when I saw the name Beleth I couldn't help but assume your character was a Tolkeinian elf, and good god was that a far-off assumption lmao))
So I saw that you just got a pretty in depth critique of Beleth from @CinnamonRoll , and I have to say, I agree with a lot of their points; if any of this becomes repetitive, that's probably why, jsyk!
Off the bat, I will say that I do have experience with depression and suicidal thoughts (long ago; I am well past recovered), and while I know everyone handles them differently, you might want to be careful that you don't accidentally end up portraying his mental issues in a way that could be seen as "glorifying". It's a slippery slope, and a lot of times an author isn't aware when they begin to do it, so just be extra aware of how you portray his depression. Also, make sure that isn't his only character trait. Depression and suicidal tendencies are first and foremost a condition that may have hefty influence over one's personality, but they are never truly their entire being (even if it may seem like it to them). Adding more traits, and nuance to his conditions will make for a more well-rounded character in the long run, as well as one that those with (and maybe even without) these conditions can relate to on a healthy level.
As Cinnamon said, it is absolutely fine to have a dark character! A lot of my favorite characters are the darker, angstier ones in their stories (read: Jon Snow) simply because they have a lot of potential for growth and development. Having a stagnant dark character, however, becomes tiresome and a little boring to the reader after so long. Make sure that your character has a growth arc of some sort, be that for the better or the worse of his mental state.
I do have a bit of a question about his background though; he is already dead, right? How can he be suicidal if he is already deceased? Is he a special kind of demon that is more "undead" than spirit? Idk, maybe just elaborate on that a bit more.
Also, full stop at the "he killed his entire school at age ten". Huh?? That was WAY out of left field, my dude! His entire profile was setting me up for just a sad, desperate rock star but he's actually a mass murderer?? I mean, if you can make that work kudos to you, but it's really stretching the realm of believability for me (even for a demon rock star). It also entirely contradicts his hatred for violence (although maybe that is a result of the shooting?? Just elaborate on that bit).
I want to see more of his downward spiral; when did it begin? I'm assuming he wasn't born depressed and suicidal. That shit builds up over years. Just give him more of an origin story (again repeating Cinnamon, but I really think they nailed their points better than I am lmao).
I don't think you have a bad character, not in the least. You have a one-dimensional character at worst, and that's something that is easily fixed with more though and development. I don't know what kind of story you plan to stick him in, but maybe just start writing and that will help you further his development. Keep going! You have a solid start and just need to iron out some wrinkles :)
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If you don't mind, would you take a look at my boy?
What's up!!! I critique so many characters, but mine need some lovin too!! (Your thread looks so good!!!) Here's my seriously messed-up angel: Natalie Lindbergh
decimate her :)))))))
and i am SO sorry there's so much written. I just can't stop myself :/
Hey! Sorry if I'm piling on here, but when you get some time could you look over Corey for me? Invalid Character
Hey hey, if you're too busy, don't worry about it, but if you get time, could you look at my baby bean?
Thank-you!
(Leaving a comment here for later)
Hello! If you’re still taking critique requests, could you do one for my character Anumaki?
Don’t hold back with your feedback! I see harsh criticism as a way to grow when asked for it!
Hi! If you're not too busy, would you mind taking a look at my girl?? I'd appreciate it so much!!!
Thanks! <3
Everyone who has requested so far, I will be taking your requests, but no more until I get them all complete (which will be soon, don't worry). If anyone else wants to request, I ask you to please wait until I reopen. (This goes for those of you who want to either send in a second character or resend your character later. I will be happy to evaluate a second character, but make sure the post is open!) Thanks for your patience :)
Alright, next is @Young-Dusty's character Ango.
((For one artist to another, I think the drawing you provided is super good! Are you planning on putting any visual elements into your work?))
Nothing looks super out of place in the Overview or Looks (although maybe you should calculate a weight, or at least estimate. If nothing else, this may help you visualize him or understand how he would physically impact the world around him). I like the nicknames you gave him, too! When a nickname has a reason and isn't juts a condensed form of the character's own name, it really shows thought form the author to me.
So, there are a few issues that I see when reading through his Nature. Before I get into them, though, I will say that you did a good job being concise and not overbearing with deatils (and I like that you added a "theme songs" section)! However, he has far too many mannerisms that… aren't necessarily mannerisms? For example, "very chatty", "if he admires you, he'll believe anything you say, even if you betray his trust multiple times", "very quick to forgive", loves animals and helping people", and "he doesn't realize that everybody knows what he's up to but no one has the heart to tease him about it" should all be in his Personality Traits or Flaws. Mannerisms (to me, at least) have to do with things like posture, nervous ticks, speech patterns and vocabulary, more physical traits or actions that wouldn't necessarily go in Looks, and are often involuntary.
Mentioning flaws, I think those were well thought out. Maybe elaborate a little bit on how they affect his relationships, etc. but for the most part you did well here! Same goes for his Motivations :)
Something interesting about Ango's talents to me is that they are all pretty much just examples of good luck, but it doesn't seem like you were entirely aware of this. I don't think that finding cool items and "miraculously avoiding injury" would necessarily count as talents, but that might be something to explore; maybe it is saying something about your character that his only talents are solely based on luck. Work with that! Play it up! It could be interesting!
Now, in his Social tab, you state that he doesn't have politics because he "doesn't even know what the word means". I don't buy this. Everyone has politics, regardless of if they know it or not (even my child brother has a way he treats rules and order!). I think that politics refer more to their alignment; how do they treat the law and authority? Are they strictly rule aiding or do they tend to stretch or break their boundaries? Are their goals more altruistic or selfish? For you, I suggest looking at the DnD alignment chart and seeing which category Ango would fit in, then describe that in the "politics" box (but make it more personal to him, of course). Same goes for religion; just clarify if he would believe in a more mythical, spiritual source of life or if his worldview is more grounded in reality and observations.
I'm getting the sense that Ango is kind of an overgrown child (not inherently a bad thing, but something be aware of in terms of how he comes off to readers). If this wasn't your goal, then perhaps you should take a step back and reevaluate how you have worded some of his characteristics. If it was, then congrats! It shows.
As a last note, maybe don't but huge spoilers in your character's profile if you intend on making it public; if you think it is necessary for your own reference, then move the fact about his lineage to your private notes, where you can access them but it will still be a surprise to others :)
Overall, Ango has a strong basis and is an interesting character; I truly did like a lot of what you wrote for him and would be excited to read any story you put him in! Good luck in your writing and world creation! :D
Hey!! I actually reset my character (previously posted) to private following another critique. I'll be back once I make some of the edits suggested, but until then, you can boot me from the lineup! :D
Hey!! I actually reset my character (previously posted) to private following another critique. I'll be back once I make some of the edits suggested, but until then, you can boot me from the lineup! :D
Thanks for the heads up! You can repost her or alert me any time she goes back up, since you requested before I closed the chat :)
@JuniperDreams Thanks so much for the in-depth critique!! ((yes, I love drawing and I actually hope to turn some of my stories into webcomics in the future XDD))
Pretty much all the interpretations you made about him are correct–he's basically an overgrown child, he's mostly useful because of his ridiculous luck etc. I'm glad those aspects showed as clearly as I intended ^^
I'll take your suggestions to heart, you make some really good points about his nature/politics/religion and I can see how they could use some clarification. And thanks for reminding me about the spoilers lol, I don't really mind if people see them at this point but I totally forgot I put them in there XD
All in all, I appreciate you taking the time to help me out with my blond boy! Thanks again! :D