forum I'll do 5 (maybe more...) character critiques! This is really fun so I'm going to continue past 5! (temporarily closed)

Started May 30, 2021 by Deleted user

tune

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Please send a link to your Notebook.ai page for your character or a link to an external document (ie. Google Docs) (make sure you share it so anyone with the link on the internet can view if using Docs). Please no info in the stream itself, just links. Thanks! :)

Here's Yarrow

or Nate

Pick whoever!

I chose Nate. 😊

I like the way you used parts from the book in your responses.

Overall
- Name: Does he have a middle name?

Looks
- Hairstyle: Does he ever style the top of his hair for classy events or does he just leave it?
- Eyes: Are they dark blue or light blue? Include eye shape.
- Other: You should include nose shape, lip size (thin or thick), and maybe head shape.

Nature
- Mannerisms: Include mood/emotion-specific mannerisms. How does he act when he’s happy? Sad? Angry? On my characters I also included what they do when they listen to music.
- Flaws: I don’t think the aphasia is necessarily a flaw. Just a condition or something like that.

Social
- Favorite food: When you say he would choose the burger, do you mean he’s more carnivorous or he eats more greasy/fast food? Also, does he have protein smoothies/shakes since he’s an athlete?
- Best friend: I like the fact that he likes his best friend. Don’t ask me why, I just do.

History
- Other: ADD A BACKGROUND SECTION! IT ADDS SO MUCH TO A CHARACTER! THIS SECTION IS REALLY LACKLUSTER.

I give this page a score of 73/100

Nate is 65% likely to be my friend
35% likely to be my enemy.
I like him more than I dislike him.

Overall, great job. Definitely add more to some sections (especially history) and this will be perfect.

Hope this helped and thanks for participating! 😁

Heres my character, Jazzy;

Michael Kāne (Michael Kāne)

Seems like an interesting character!

Overview
- Name: Does he have a middle name?
- Organization: Maybe put the universe and tags at the end. They seem like they interrupt to flow of the page.
- Symbol: What do you mean by a symbol? Does this have something to do with your story in particular or just a symbol he uses for identification or…? (Please answer cuz I'm so confused. Nothing on you, just me.)

Looks
- WHY DOES HE REMIND ME OF WILL BYERS????? Is it the bowl-cut, the preferred isolation, the small for his age factor, the– Nope, it's definitely the bowl cut.

Nature
- Personality: Love it! Although, it's contradictory. You say he dislikes the outside world, but then you say that he is curious about what he's missing. That doesn't line up, IMO.
- Moral alignment: I really like that you included this! (I got off track while writing this because I was taking an alignment test. :) [I'm lawful neutral, btw])
- Wish: He has to have a wish!

Mannerisms
- YAY I LOVE THAT YOU INCLUDED EMOTION-SPECIFIC MANNERISMS!!!!
- General: I think you might want to rethink the idea of him not liking the outside. These mannerisms make him seem like he misses the outside and people (mainly the people-watching)
- Angry: "Clenched, grinding teeth. Pain in the jaw from clenched teeth" love this!
- Please include what he does when listening to music or watching TV. I love writing about that!

Social
- Relationships: You should include the relationship next to the name, I think.
- Favorites: You should add a favorite color, song, and maybe TV show/movie. Definitely add more favorites.
- Give the "why?" for his favorites, likes dislikes, and hobbies. What started Mike on his love of coding? Why does he like penguins? Were there any specific events that lead to these?

Family
- Not much to talk about here.

History
- Oh, wow.
- This is 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 fleshed out!
- Sad.
- I don't have any critiques. Heh. Keep up the great work!

Health
- Skills: Maybe include his detail-oriented traits in his mannerisms.
- Other: These numbers are out of 10, right?

Arc
- I really like the way he changes. Definitely draw out the rising action and make the climax a BIG event! Although, I'm sure you know how Freytag's Pyramid works.

I give this page an 84/100

Mike is 82% likely to be my friend
46% likely to be my enemy
I like him more than I hate him.

Overall I think this character is great! If you give this much attention to your other characters, this will be an amazing story. I suggest adding more favorites as well as why.

I really like doing this! Thanks for sharing Mr. Kāne with me :)

-    Symbol: What do you mean by a symbol? Does this have something to do with your story in particular or just a symbol he uses for identification or...? (Please answer cuz I'm so confused. Nothing on you, just me.)

The symbol ties into character theme and symbolism

Ooh ya think you could do Bane? Bane Steel

Bane Malice (Bane Anubis Malice)

@Anxietyfilledcinnamonroll

Overview

• Name: YAY A MIDDLE NAME!!!
• Etymology: Nifty, nifty
• Nicknames: Baney waney LOVE IT. I love how half of these are only by Slate ;)

Looks

• Weight: Hell, I wish I had 25.2 pounds of muscle…
• Height: 6'5"! sheeeeeesh
• Eye color: Interesting.
• Other: CONTAGIOUS SMILES ARE GREAT

Outfits

• Formal: Do you think he could wear a red dress shirt? He wears a red tee, so it sorta makes sense
• Does he wear anything else? Do clothes get dirty and/or washed?

Nature

• Mannerisms: You should also put mood-specific mannerisms. As well as what he does if he's watching movies and listening to music if people do that it your book.
• Likes: Slate. that's it. that's the post
• Weaknesses: I like that you included the dog weaknesses, too. Maybe include some dog strengths, likes and dislikes.

Conditions

• Symptoms: Like you said, I don't think heterochromia needs to be included in the Symptoms part.
• Things they can't eat: I like the inclusion of dog foods they can't eat

Social

• Religion: What happens when they run out of roles for angels? They have to eventually…
• Favorites: Give reasons why! Add more favorites, too (as well as their why).

Relationships

• ooooooooohhhhh Slateeee
• If you're writing a gay romance, definitely get firsthand advice

History

• Education: None at all?
• Backstory: That definitely ain't short
• Species creation: Do you have a premium account? If so, I think you can put this in a specific page.

Abilities

• Are these all from the dog side of him (other than the more magical ones, ofc)

Trivia

• I like warm, cozy beds, too.

I give this page a 90/100.

Bane is 43% likely to be my friend
68% likely to be my enemy.
I dislike him more than I like him. I just can't really relate to him, personally because I'm very different than him.

Overall, I think Bane is a very detailed character. I think you should add more mannerisms (mood-specific) and more favorites as well as why.

Thanks for showing him to me! Hope this helped!

Hello, could you critique Jessé? I’d love your opinion! 👏

Heres my character, Jazzy;

@BeccaBear124

Hello, Jazzy!

Overview

• Sexuality: If you write about this, get firsthand advice (if you're not that sexuality).

Looks:

• Weight: WHY IS IT SO SPECIFIC?
• Eye Color: Nifty
• Add some facial shapes, eye shape, nose, head, lip thickness…

Characteristics

• Hobbies: Why does Jazzy like these things? Include that!

Social

• Favorites: Add more and add why. I like to include favorite songs and movies/tv shows.
• Favorite food: Crepes are so gooood!

Voice

• Accents*
• Add a laugh! It's always fun to work out characters' laughs.
• Add mannerisms for speaking. Does she click her tounge during certain situations? Does she hum? Etc…
• Include more in the description, it seems kinda lackluster.

History

• I like the timeline format. Include more detail, though!

I 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 think you should add a "Nature" section. That can include mannerisms (which are very important), motivations (also pretty important), flaws, prejudices, talents, and personality type if you want to include that. These will really help you when writing your character. These will always be in the back of your mind to add some ✨spice✨

I give this page a 63/100.
Jazzy is 85% likely to be my friend
21% likely to be my enemy

Overall: Add more. Mannerisms, ideals, wants… JUST ADD MORE.

Hope this helped and thanks! :)

Ooh ya think you could do Bane? Bane Steel @MJs-in-the-7th-level-of-Kool-Aid-Hell

Hello! Sorry for being so MIA. Last week of school and I've just been bleh, but I don't have anything going on this period, so yay!

Overview

• Name: winces middle name… please?

Name

• Last name: Do all the characters have last names from heroic acts? What if someone doesn't accompish something astounding enough to receive a last name (by a certain age or something)? Are they shunned?

Looks

• YAY FACIAL STRUCTURE!
• Scars: Was his skin always impenetrable?

Personality

• Your topics are giving me ideas! I really like the "fight, flight, freeze?" section!

Nature

• Delete the mannerisms section since you already have pages for that :)
• Talents: Is Bane good at doodling (you said it was a hobby), because that could be a talent.
• Flaws: "Would kill someone if they hurt Rune" I wouldn't personally consider this a flaw. I'm sure anyone would do that for their sister - unless it's not in reason. How badly would she need to be hurt?? Think about that.
• Maybe include likes and dislikes.

Mannerisms

• I like the way you split them up into 2 pages!
• Add mannerisms (I think on the 2nd page) for when they listen to music (foot tapping? head bobbing? lip-synching?) or watch a movie (do they get close to the screen during action scenes? do sad scenes make them cry? do they just sit there, eating food?).
• (Also, sorry if I'm using he/they wrong. I'm trying, but I don't really know how to use it properly. A lesson would be helpful)

Social

• Does Bane have a job of some sort?

History

• Residence: …. he's…. he's on the run??? well ain't that a kick in the pants
• Definitely refer to these historical incidents and happenings throughout your story.

Abilities/Powers

• What would happen if a sword hit him in the chest? You say his skin feels normal, so would the sword just stop and not go any farther? Would it break?

I think everything else is good.

I give this character a 89/100. It is very fleshed out, very intricate, but you could still add some things.

Bane is 80% likely to be my friend
60% likely to be my enemy

I like him more than I dislike him.

Hope this helped. Thanks!