forum I have no idea if my character is good
Started by @Haevern
tune

people_alt 44 followers

Syifa

I dont have a lot to say, but i think you need to express more. Use more description, so it'll be easier for people to visualize the character. Overall it's a great character. Keep up the good work :)

@Kaloobia

I'll gladly give this a go!

  • Her body type is much too vague. Like @Syifa said, describe more. You can be tall and lean, tall and muscled, tall and chubby… Also you tend to repeat yourself, you say she's tall and then follow up with actually putting her height in its proper category haha, same with describing her hair as long and her eyes as grey blue. Not a big deal, but don't feel the need to emphasize, people won't forget what they've read when it's only written once ;)
  • Interesting bit on the eyes btw, the part about Artio's social skills would fit better in the Nature category, even if they do relate back to the eyes.
  • Being "awkward" is not a condition, and unless it actually relates back to a mental illness or disorder (autism, a personality disorder, etc) then it shouldn't be considered as such. A person can learn social skills, whereas a Condition would be something they can't get rid of/get over so easily. I understand you're adding onto her DNA having been altered because of her ancestors and these experiments, so try to elaborate a bit!
  • "She'll do literally anything for her friends" Elaborate on this being flaw, specify how this can get her into bad situations, and why she wouldn't back down. Otherwise this comes off as a very positive trait.
  • You say in looks "inability to have a normal conversation with someone she isn't friends with" –> in mannerisms you say she is rude to people she doesn't like, so she DOES have the ability to interact with people she isn't friends with. You'll have to specify in what way she can't have a "normal" convo with people she doesn't like, otherwise this comes off contradictory (because it's totally normal to be rude with someone you don't like haha, only incredibly polite people, or those who are scared of conflict, wouldn't be, in which case it would be worth mentioning). (Also the rudeness would go into flaws I think, rolling her eyes is good tho! Maybe add a few more, like perhaps speech patterns, or the way she moves that may be unique, etc.)
  • Add more in the personality category!! It's already a good start, so go off what you have so far and develop. How long does it take for her to trust someone enough to be silly and talkative around them? When you talk of her being quiet and serious, is she also goal-oriented and business-minded with strangers, prioritizing the work they have to do over small talk and getting to know them? Is she shrewd/clever, by extension of her being able with scraps and making things? Is she more emotional or more logical, and how does this fluctuate depending on the situation or on the person she's interacting with? Does she anger easily?? If not, what does it take? The questions are endless! ^o^
  • Also maybe add more layers for talents/hobbies, other than "she's a good tinkerer". And fill out more categories in general, they're there to help you develop your character :) You're Social tab is nearly empty.
  • I like her Background! I'm curious about how seriously Mari's death affected Artio: she buries herself in her work, but she already seems like a naturally work-oriented person, rather than people-oriented? You could definitely develop on this.

You have a great outline for this character and she has great potential! As mentioned, I think that if you elaborate more and use all the offered categories to their full extent, you'll have a very developed character :) Keep it up, and good luck!

Jilla

That last one pretty much summed it up.

Look, I really like your character, but here's one piece of adivce: Make sure your character is real to you. Your characters should feel like real actual beings that have minds and distinct personalities.

While I like your character's personality, make sure her visual is clear, and be really descriptive with her features.

Good job though, your character is super awesome! :D