I have a free week and I enjoy reviewing and critiquing characters. I don't require anything in return, just post a link and I'll try my best to help. Please don't be offended with anything I say, as I can sometimes be brutally honest, by I'll try my best to be kind about it. Thanks!
Could you critique these two characters from my Harry Potter fanfiction? Be as brutally honest as you can; I can take it!
Rosalie: Rosalie Anniston
Kaden: Kaden Anniston
Mind if I pop in with my own? He's underdeveloped tbh so I could use some harshness
@SarBex
I haven't read or watched Harry Potter for about a year now, so I apologise if I miss anything pivotal relating to the story in advance.
Rosalie -
She seems pretty well rounded - but my one big critique is that she seems too basic. You just have the basic things needed for a character. I understand if you haven't finished the character or anything, but you are missing out on a lot of whys.
Why is she small and thin? Is she malnourished? Is she not active enough?
Why is she motivated by friends and family? Is she from a prestigious family? Have her friends helped her significantly in any way?
Why does she have a prejudice against Slytherins? Have they greatly hurt her or someone she loves in some way? Does she have any enemies in that house?
You see what I mean?
Also, I would suggest not making your descriptions into lists. For example, you have:
Personality Type:
Obviously, I do not know your character, so if anything above is not accurate, I apologise.
Kaden -
Very similar to Rosalie, in the way that he is only described with very basic adjectives like "reckless, curious, friendly, mischievous". Specifically for him, he also does not have a very deep background; again, it only lists very basic information, so try and develop his backstory a bit more.
Your biggest flaw, in my opinion, is that you are not exploring very deep into your characters. You know how to create very basic personalities and designs, but you lack those extra things that make your character stand out.
in no way am I saying that these characters are bad, I just think with some developing, they could become good and well rounded.
I hope this helped!
@emiliaisthename
Thanks so much for your critique. I'm going to try my hardest to work at what you've told me to work on, and hopefully, I can figure out how to develop them a bit more. Thanks again!
@Snowmirror
I really like your concept! I don't believe that he is underdeveloped at all. Right now your character is looking pretty good, backstory-wise.
This is more of a critique for your writing, but I would recommend spacing your writing into paragraphs to make it easier to read, especially the background tab, because that is very long.
Anyway, I like the concept and thought gone into your character. It seems like you have put a lot of thought into him, and that's good. There are some things that are slightly contradictory, such as he's apparently easygoing and happy, but he also wants to kill Vetriel? I know that this can definitely work as a character, but is only angry or vengeful when presented with threat or Vetriel? Does he actively seek out Vetriel to kill, or is more of something he does privately? This is kind of nitpicking from me, so feel free to ignore this.
As I said, his background is well thought out, and I can't really think of any huge mistakes or flaws that you've made in describing him. I think you've done a good job so far. Keep up the good work!
@emiliaisthename
Thanks so much for your critique. I'm going to try my hardest to work at what you've told me to work on, and hopefully, I can figure out how to develop them a bit more. Thanks again!
No problem! Good luck!
Hey I'm doing a fanfic about an alternate version of Fallout 4 (Not the shipping kind) This is a character based off my guy from the game.
@Caboose
I haven't played Fallout, so sorry if anything flies over my head.
Ok, so if this is an alternate version of Fallout, some character traits are already set in stone, so you probably won't feel the need to list all of the things about the character. But, if some people did not know the game, they probably won't know the lore or anything that might be pivotal to your character. So, I would suggest trying to limit your character to things that everyone can understand with or without playing the games. If something is absolutley nessecary, maybe try to summarise what is needed to know in the notes tab or just under the main tab. This is just because I was confused about some of the things on this character while reading, because again, I haven't played the games.
Another thing is that there are no flaws listed on the character. There are talents listed, but aren't any flaws that are listed clearly. I would like to add that you are very good at summarising the traits of your character instead of listing them. Also it seems like he has two motivations; finding his son and being a good person because he hears his deceased wife's voice? I could be mistaken. But if this is the case, maybe you should put them in the same tab or describe them as different.
I have to say that this character seem pretty well rounded and written out, so I think you are good in that area. I hope this advice helped in some way!
Hey can I request some?
Hey, so sorry to be a bother but can you do V too?