forum How's my character? Be honest

Started January 23, 2018 by @MSTloser

tune

This is my first time really developing a character. How am I doing? What do you think? Please critique honestly. Context is that she's a serial killer who targets Catholics.

Link: Invalid Character

Wow! Okay so I'm really liking this character. Only three things, actually:

1. If she has fair skin she would probably burn more than tan and would have freckles.
2. I'd suggest expanding her backstory. Why did she become a serial killer?
3. Why did the abuse of her grandmother lead to her hating Christians and Catholics? How was it related? Or did she abhor her grandmother so much that she just harbours a deep hatred for everything she held dear or stood for?

A wonderful, detailed character! Good job!

Thank you so much Alice! You were very helpful and helped me a lot with this character.
1) Thanks for pointing that out
2) I've been working on that I just need to smooth out the creases so to speak. Most serial killers have a 'breaking point' aka a trigger that causes them to begin killing. I just need to figure out what hers would be.
3) The idea is that her grandmother justified everything that she did to Calypso and her mother with her religion, so Calypso's idea of Christians in general became warped so she grew to hate Christians in general, rather than just her grandmother.

@MSTloser you're welcome! Good luck with your story!

I find the general character to be intriguing, well-written, and a generally likeable character. But there are a few problems.

First, to the fact that she is a serial killer.
We, as a society, do not approve of serial killers.
Readers, especially of the Christian variety, might feel alienated or targeted by the story.
While non-Christians may feel targeted because you've made the angry, liberal, Catholic-hater the antagonist.
It's a balance beam you're walking between conservative Christian and liberal non-Christian readers.

Second, a simple problem. I don't see the jump between being raised by a hateful conservative and being a serial killer. I get voting left-wing and having a distaste for them, but I don't get her reasoning for murder.
If she had, say, some sort of definable psychological ailment, such as bipolar disorder (like her mother).
I would just make her more…screwed up.
As Alice said in her third point, we'd just like to see more connection how she became a serial killer.

@Lord_Dunconius
Thank you for your input
First, I am well aware that society disproves of serial killers. That's why she's the antagonist. I have considered the fact that certain groups would feel alienated, but my character isn't a "angry, liberal Catholic-hater". She may hate Catholics, but she's not intended to be some radical terrorist who targets Catholics, and she's not a liberal. I imagine her as a left-leaning independent.
Second,she wasn't raised by her grandmother, just was greatly influenced by her and is the source of her dislike. Perhaps I need to clarify a few things, so thank you for bringing that to my attention. I originally considered her having some psychological disorder, but I have no clue how to write that, so I passed on that.

Yeah, sorry. I don't understand her.

Here's the thing. If you want a serial killer as your main character, awesome, be my guest. but the problem is, I don't feel for her. just because her grandmother was mean, she generalizes all Christians and wants to kill them all?? that seems improbable unless she suffers from multiple mental disorders, and even then. it just seems weird.

also a technicality here: an antagonist is the opposing force to your protagonist (main character). An antihero or a villain can be a protagonist, and a "good" person can be the antagonist. being an antagonist isn't a personality trait, its a role in the story. so your character is still a protagonist, even if she isn't the hero.

I like her appearance and her personality A LOT. u did your research and really took the time to develop that much. however her going from "my grandma abused me" to "I'm going to kill all Christians" is unbelievable. she needs more motivation than that. substance abuse or mental disorder or something. it just doesn't feel authentic.

anyways, overall you have a solid base. just needs some work.

The details you included were wonderful, but I just feel like she needs a motivation to be an antagonist.

These are just suggestions, I really do like this character, and you do not have to use these suggestions!! I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to force these on you because that is not my intention!

I noticed the mention of bipolar disorder, that could mean Bipolar I Disorder for her. This disorder is basically "manic episodes that last at least 7 days, or by manic symptoms that are so severe that the person needs immediate hospital care" that could, in theory (if she would suffer from this disorder), lead her to become angry with it and/or someone who was taking care of her before/during/after one of her episodes. There could be some sort of mix up where she becomes angry or numb to where she just snaps. It could also be Bipolar II Disorder, which is a less severe version of the previously stated, which would give her more control over herself during her episode. If she had more control she could inflict pain on others when she was angry.

Another suggestion would be her first victim. Within her background when you talk about her family members, you never mention how the grandmother dies. Stay with me now, her grandmother could have gotten sick and 'died due to the sickness.' What I'm saying is that Calypso could get angry at her, and since she holds a grudge, maybe she just couldn't do anything to control herself and pulled the plug on her grandmother's life support without anyone finding out. This would also make a good guilt and motivation for killing others. It could be a guilt because, well, it's her first kill and she could be devastated and driven mad and 'accidentally' kill another person and keep killing while she slowly slips into madness. This could also be a motivation because it's mentioned that she is "motivated to give justice, revenge, and self-accomplishment" and she could kill who she sees as like her grandmother in any way. Of course, this could lead to many totally different characters, one who kills anyone and everyone because her sense of good and bad has faded, or she could turn to be 'good' and kill abusers and people like them.

I would love to see who this character turns out to be and what her full story is!

Hi– I can see that I'm a ~little~ late to the party, but I'd love to help!! Okay, top down…

Everything seems to be in order with the personality page–not bad!! :)

Excellent job in the politics section!! I'm impressed.

Okay, the backstory is…. a little bare-bones. I have to agree with a couple of previous commenters here: the transition from abusive Catholic grandma –> hates all Catholics is iffy at best. See, I really like her character, but it has no strong roots in the backstory. You have to make sure that the backstory explains all of their motives, and I can't think of how that link chain would work–especially as she seems fine otherwise. I try to avoid the 'mentally ill as serial killers' cliche, simply because I disagree with it, but you may want to consider adding something similar to further explain her motives. OR you could revise her backstory–maybe work in one of those scandals dealing with churches and sexual abuse or something similar to broaden the scope.

On top of that, I have to agree with @Lord_Dunconius: the angle of 'killing Catholics' will not go down well with many readers. I think that getting into the head of a serial killer would be very interesting, but the angle is risky. There might be ways to pull it off, but tread lightly to avoid offending some readers!!

I hope that this helps you!!! :DDDD

Thank you for your guys help!
@Raziel Gallephraya Thank you for all that information! I did not know all that about Bipolar disorder so thank you for that, it would work very well with her character. That is all very helpful information. Also what you said about her first kill being her grandmother-that is a great idea! That would actually fit in perfectly with what I've been developing for her backstory. I might use that-I've read a couple book about serial killers and the psychology behind killing, and what you said is true. I was planning on having her killing be more of a slow transition, so you aren't pushing anything on me or anything.
@CinnamonRoll I know the backstory is a little bare :\ . I've been developing it in my head- I just haven't had the time to write it all down. The transition to hating Catholics is more gradual, I just need to sit down and write it all down and work out the kinks.

I’m not sure if this is true, but I’m not certain if one can have both depression AND bipolar, since bipolar (aka manic depression) is a series of alternating intense exuberance and intense depression…I’m not sure though, I only really know about depression and anxiety