forum How do I correctly portray Aromantics/Greyromantics

Started May 05, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

I have a grey-romantic character, and I would like to know exactly how your identity works so my character can be the most realistic he can be. Anyone is welcome to answer. Thank you. ^~^

As someone who's grey-romantic, my first comment is that grey-romantic often means slightly different things to everyone who uses the label. The label itself has an and/or explanation attributed to it. That being said, are you asking for help on how to develop their romantic feelings towards someone? Because aside from that, you would just write a grey-aro character like any other minority character, as in you don't let it consume their entire identity, because there's always more to a person. Have it come up in passing, you know. Another thing I would point out, that makes a grey-aro person stand out among their allo peers, is the general confusion about and inability to understand things like crushes, wanting to get someone's number without even knowing their name, being emotionally attracted to someone upon the first meeting and "just knowing that they're the ONE!!!". A grey-aro person will often not express interest in pursuing people the way their allo peers do, as they a) rarely ever experience romantic attraction, and/or b) need a very deep connection with someone, sometimes to the point of knowing them for YEARS, before developing an attraction, and/or c) feel attraction, but don't actually want to act on it, not because of fear of rejection or anything but simply because they're comfortable in their feelings of love and don't want anything in return. Depending on the level of internalized shit going on, a grey-aro person may feel uncomfortable when their peers constantly talk about love and dating, though I personally don't have experience with this.

tl;dr, the way your character expresses (or doesn't express) their grey-aro status depends a lot on them, their personality, and how comfortable they are with their identity in your story. Hope this is helpful!

Thank you so much. This is wonderful information.
And yes, I would like help on knowing how to describe a grey-aro character getting romantic feelings towards another character.
Thank you so much for your help.

You're very welcome! :)
Is this the first time your character is falling in love? (That's another distinction, for me at least: you don't get crushes really, you jump straight to love, or::) Going off personal experience (because that's all I have haha, sorry) your character might realize, very suddenly, that they've been in love with someone for some time, and this realization may be triggered by something as simply as a shoulder clap or the other person wearing a distinct perfume. This however might seem sudden to the reader, when really all the hints towards the grey-aro person's feelings have been there, just never referred to in a romantic context (not even in the grey-aro character's mind). I'd say put clear(ish) indications of a grey-aro character's attraction, subtle or no: bonus points if these actions could easily be interpreted as platonic, because a grey-aro person may have trouble distinguishing between the two.
After this point of realization (where there may be panic, or there may not be: depends entirely on the character), you have to decide whether your grey-aro character actually wants to pursue a romance: as I mentioned, some grey-aro people use that label because they feel attraction without wanting to act on it. It could interesting to have a character completely devoted to another without the added baggage of "I hope they realize how much I've done for them and fall in love with me, too". The grey-aro character may even cheer on their love interest if they're aware of their LI having feelings for someone else. (Another element to explore: the lack of jealousy, or possessiveness, that you usually witness from a person having a crush.)
If your character DOES decide to pursue a romance, I'd say the main element would be caution: they don't have a lot of experience in feeling this way, let alone wooing and dating, and if the person is a close friend there's the classic "I don't want to ruin our friendship". How they proceed, is up to you.
Again, hope this is helpful! I would recommend getting a second opinion, as I am just one person and a single experience ;)

This is perfect thank you so damn much. I can't thank you enough, I swear.

Dude you're totally welcome!! <3