forum Heyy, can you please judge my character? thank you
Started by @sharkfinn_ey
tune

people_alt 3 followers

@Riorlyne pets

I'll take a look at him!

Overview

  • Age - If he's as old as the earth, what does that mean for his skills and his memory? You've described him in a very modern way, which is fine, but if he remembers all the thousands of years he's lived through, how does that affect his character?

Looks

  • You could include why he has a prosthetic leg. Also, you say in Notes that it bleeds whenever he tells someone he's Satan. Do you mean it bleeds where his normal leg connects to the prosthetic, or the prosthetic itself actually starts oozing blood? Why is this?

Social/Family

  • I noticed that Shaw is not linked here, and it sounds like he's an important person in Freyr's life. You might find it helpful to fill out a character page for Shaw too.
  • Religion - You should detail what he believes, even though he is Satan. From your backstory God sounds a little different from how he appears in some religions (i.e., loving God is a sin, whereas most monotheistic religions require followers to love/worship God, and it's a sin not to do this) and it would be good to put in information about this. Does Freyr still love God? Does he hate him (you mentioned revenge)? Does God want him to go back to hell and continue his job?
    Also, in this universe, does everyone who dies go to hell (like in Greek mythology) or only the 'bad' people (like in Abrahamic religions), or something else? What did watching over the people in hell entail for Freyr? Did he have to keep order, stop them from getting out, keep them company? Was he given/did he already have special abilities that enabled him to do this?
  • Occupation - Does he make enough from selling some paintings to afford a place and food and all that? If not, where does the money come from? If he doesn't need sustenance, why?

History

  • In most cases being the devil is either a power thing (as powerful or nearly as powerful as God), a personality thing (the most evil bloke), or a job (running the underworld, punishing sinners, etc.) or a combination of all three. The devil is more than just a demon or evil spirit - the devil is usually presented as the direct counter to God. Freyr doesn't seem to have any devil-specific powers, his personality is pretty cinnamon roll, non-evil and normal, and he's quit his job as caretaker of the people in hell (which he didn't even want in the first place). This leads me to ask, how is he still the devil? If God allowed him to escape, hasn't God put a new guy in charge of the residents of Hell?
  • What/who was Freyr before God sent him to hell? An angel? A human? Something else?
  • I'm assuming Freyr's friends are mortal humans. If this is the case, he must have escaped and joined them fairly recently, no earlier than five years ago. If he's spent the rest of his very long life watching over people in hell, how does that affect him, and why did he wait so long to escape?
  • Why is a demon at art school? How is a demon the brother of a mortal human? Why does it want revenge on him? Was Freyr in charge of the demons as well as the people in Hell? From Freyr's motivations (revenge on God) I was expecting the main conflict to be between him and God.

I can see that you've put a lot of thought into this character. :) I think fleshing out the God/Hell/Devil/Demon aspects of it would help with clarity and consistency. Also, since your main character is centuries old, it would be good to know more about his backstory.

There's nothing that stands out to me about Freyr that marks him as 'the devil'. The ex-devil, maybe, with someone new having taken over the role, but I would expect if he's still the devil that he'd have some kind of unique-to-the-devil abilities or unique-to-the-devil responsibility (like is Hell all chaos now that he's gone? Are the demons running amok because there's no-one to control them?)

@sharkfinn_ey

I'll take a look at him!

Overview

  • Age - If he's as old as the earth, what does that mean for his skills and his memory? You've described him in a very modern way, which is fine, but if he remembers all the thousands of years he's lived through, how does that affect his character?

Looks

  • You could include why he has a prosthetic leg. Also, you say in Notes that it bleeds whenever he tells someone he's Satan. Do you mean it bleeds where his normal leg connects to the prosthetic, or the prosthetic itself actually starts oozing blood? Why is this?

Social/Family

  • I noticed that Shaw is not linked here, and it sounds like he's an important person in Freyr's life. You might find it helpful to fill out a character page for Shaw too.
  • Religion - You should detail what he believes, even though he is Satan. From your backstory God sounds a little different from how he appears in some religions (i.e., loving God is a sin, whereas most monotheistic religions require followers to love/worship God, and it's a sin not to do this) and it would be good to put in information about this. Does Freyr still love God? Does he hate him (you mentioned revenge)? Does God want him to go back to hell and continue his job?
    Also, in this universe, does everyone who dies go to hell (like in Greek mythology) or only the 'bad' people (like in Abrahamic religions), or something else? What did watching over the people in hell entail for Freyr? Did he have to keep order, stop them from getting out, keep them company? Was he given/did he already have special abilities that enabled him to do this?
  • Occupation - Does he make enough from selling some paintings to afford a place and food and all that? If not, where does the money come from? If he doesn't need sustenance, why?

History

  • In most cases being the devil is either a power thing (as powerful or nearly as powerful as God), a personality thing (the most evil bloke), or a job (running the underworld, punishing sinners, etc.) or a combination of all three. The devil is more than just a demon or evil spirit - the devil is usually presented as the direct counter to God. Freyr doesn't seem to have any devil-specific powers, his personality is pretty cinnamon roll, non-evil and normal, and he's quit his job as caretaker of the people in hell (which he didn't even want in the first place). This leads me to ask, how is he still the devil? If God allowed him to escape, hasn't God put a new guy in charge of the residents of Hell?
  • What/who was Freyr before God sent him to hell? An angel? A human? Something else?
  • I'm assuming Freyr's friends are mortal humans. If this is the case, he must have escaped and joined them fairly recently, no earlier than five years ago. If he's spent the rest of his very long life watching over people in hell, how does that affect him, and why did he wait so long to escape?
  • Why is a demon at art school? How is a demon the brother of a mortal human? Why does it want revenge on him? Was Freyr in charge of the demons as well as the people in Hell? From Freyr's motivations (revenge on God) I was expecting the main conflict to be between him and God.

I can see that you've put a lot of thought into this character. :) I think fleshing out the God/Hell/Devil/Demon aspects of it would help with clarity and consistency. Also, since your main character is centuries old, it would be good to know more about his backstory.

There's nothing that stands out to me about Freyr that marks him as 'the devil'. The ex-devil, maybe, with someone new having taken over the role, but I would expect if he's still the devil that he'd have some kind of unique-to-the-devil abilities or unique-to-the-devil responsibility (like is Hell all chaos now that he's gone? Are the demons running amok because there's no-one to control them?)

First of all thanks for all of your comments! <3 It really means a lot to me.

I'll try to answer your questions best I can without giving away the full plot.

I'll first explain some about his background and stuff. He was sent to hell after God found out that Freyr was in love with him, romantically. God didn't know how to handle a man loving him, so he banished him. Before that he was an angel.
Now, angels in this universe are very sweet and relieve heavy emotions (panic attacks, anxiety, fear and depression) when they touch humans. He still kept these traits.

Eva (another angel) left heaven on her own because she didn't want God to use her traits (they were forced to help so, and it takes a lot of energy from them). She opened hell's gates for Freyr alone.
He doesn't know this and thinks God set him free, for whatever reason that might be. This worries him a lot.
He gets to keep his memory+skills. The negativity from hell bothers him a lot, so he tries to be very 'light', very positive to keep him going. It takes it's toll sometimes and then he breaks down in for example a panic attack. He can't help himself with his traits to help other people.

The prosthetic leg is another punishment from God, because Freyr went against his will ( I still need to figure out what exactly happened). It bleeds just where the prosthetic is attached to his leg/knee.
I have a page for Shaw but forgot to link him ':) Whoops, thanks for noticing, I'll change it.

Freyr loves god in a romantical way and he doesn't approve of it. Loving god (as in getting strength and willpower etc) isn't a sin.
His 'task' in hell is to accompony the other people sent there. After a while, God dies and all people are sent there (just like the greek mythology indeed). Freyr doesn't know God died though, and when he finds out he'll completely break and turn more 'evil'. I'm not sure how yet, because I'm quite far away from that part with my story.
The more 'devil' traits only he has, are being able to handle fire/hot items and the black lines on his arm that appear when he's disstressed. He'll soon find out he can make things 'warm up' literally when he touches them, when these lines appear.

The main conflict will between the Demon (Tansy) and Freyr because Tansy killed Frida (one of Freyr's best friends and Tansy's sister).
Tansy is after him because Freyr turnt him into a demon (God wanted to permanently destroy him, Freyr prevented this).
Now it might sound a bit confusing, sorry about that haha.
But because Freyr saved him, Tansy was born as a human, but still with his memory/powers. That's how it's possible for him to have a normal/mortal human sister.

He went to art school because the group of friends he's part of were already enrolled and he is very good at it. He, just like Eva (he meets her there again), tries to use art to recover from his past.

I hope that clears up a lot of questions! It certainly helped me get some things straight again haha.

@Hac_KinG

aw, too bad he has a honey (even though they seem to make a super cute couple…yes i read through Shaw's profile as well lol), cause i could seem him and one of my boys bein' all adorable (and plot twisty).

But seriously, when you include all the information you provided in your explanation he truly is a very rounded and super interesting character!!

i love him! and i also adore Tansy too! tbh i love all your characters <3

@sharkfinn_ey

aw, too bad he has a honey (even though they seem to make a super cute couple…yes i read through Shaw's profile as well lol), cause i could seem him and one of my boys bein' all adorable (and plot twisty).

But seriously, when you include all the information you provided in your explanation he truly is a very rounded and super interesting character!!

i love him! and i also adore Tansy too! tbh i love all your characters <3

Thank youuuuu! And thanks for reading through the other characters as well haha, makes it easier to understand the plot I guess.
Which character of yours do you think he'd be adorable with? (just curious haha)

@Hac_KinG

aw, too bad he has a honey (even though they seem to make a super cute couple…yes i read through Shaw's profile as well lol), cause i could seem him and one of my boys bein' all adorable (and plot twisty).

But seriously, when you include all the information you provided in your explanation he truly is a very rounded and super interesting character!!

i love him! and i also adore Tansy too! tbh i love all your characters <3

Thank youuuuu! And thanks for reading through the other characters as well haha, makes it easier to understand the plot I guess.
Which character of yours do you think he'd be adorable with? (just curious haha)

i was thinkin Kaleb:

cause Kaleb is a protector and someone who can be a pillar for someone to lean on and he does his best to make them feel safe and secure, thats why i was kinda pairing them in my head. (plot twist: Kaleb is a fallen archangel…but who knows which one >w> )