forum Hey I'll critique your characters
Started by @Suspicious_Reptiles
tune

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@Suspicious_Reptiles

Do your worst lmao

-Looks
Ok so there are no complaints here but he sounds really pretty and the middle part of the eye is the iris.
-Nature
What does he do when he’s angry? What does he do when he’s excited? Dec\scribe to me other mannerisms so we can get to know him better. Also his motivation to just know things doesn’t seem that motivating to me. Is there something specific that he wants to learn? Is he afraid from anything and is running from it? Does his family and friends motivate him? And where does his big ego come from? You said he was talented at magic, what type of magic?
-Social
This is just a weird question, but his favorite animals is ‘traveling stars’. What is that?
-History
For his history, when did he meet his friends? Did he have any other interests? Does he have a favorite memory from his childhood that helped him shape himself? What age was he when he started learning magic? Just tell me more about his whole history, not just one part of his life. Also I got him and his sister confused at points because they have very similar names. If it’s twins then most likely they wouldn’t have similar names in real life.

@Suspicious_Reptiles

-Looks
Can you explain her hair better? And what do you mean her body type is normal? There are many different body types and a lot are considered normal.
-Nature
What are other mannerisms? What does she do when she’s sad or confused? Does she have any other motivations? What really gets her moving and wanting to do more?
-Social
What''s her politics? She might be 11, but she would still have an opinion. She would've heard about things from her parents or peers perspective and that would've shaped her opinion on things.
-History
I realize that this is just an experiment character, but what is her history? Creating a history for even and experiment character could help you write histories for real characters.

Overall I feel that this isn’t a well rounded character and was made in a matter of minutes. I know this is an experiment character but that isn’t an excuse for not making them a real and great character. A good character is someone you feel like you could’ve met in real life or heard about somewhere. There isn’t an excuse for writing a bad character.

@Suspicious_Reptiles

Could you critique my character Rie? Here's the link; Rie Katayama

-Overview
Where did that nickname come from? Who calls her that?
-Looks
She is a bit overweight. Even when someone’s pure muscle, they are still within their correct body weight for their height. Also if she doesn’t pluck her eyebrows or anything then why are they almost kind of perfect? This doesn’t make sense to me.
-Nature
She acts a lot like an animal. I don’t think the short time she spent in the woods with the wolves would’ve had an effect on her. I think you should put most of what’s in the flaws, motivations, and hobbies in the notes. That’s a place where you can explain everything.
-History
Why did the soldiers come? Do people as young as her get thrown into the military? Why did she get thrown in the military? I’m guess it’s a big part of the universe.
-Inventory
What Marisha’s Legacy and Valdis?

Overall it’s a lot of good information but a long read. Long paragraphs usually turn readers away because they just want a simple listing of things. You could try to put groups in the categories.

@Suspicious_Reptiles

Judge them I dare you

-Overview
Where did she get the nickname Bubbles? What’s the story? Who’s Jeffrey? Also does she have a big role, or is she a supporting character?
-Looks
Omg ‘cracker white’. Elaborate on the body type. Also give us a better description on the eye and hair colors.
-Nature
What does she do when she’s mad, scared, or anything else? Does she have any other talents or hobbies? Also tell us more about her personality type. Her motivations don’t seem that important or good.
-Social
Does she have a religion? How does her job as a rescuer work? And how does it affect her mind? I like that you added the thylacine. Also what do you mean 'voting anarchy'?
-History
How was collage for her? There was a time period where not many girls went to collage. How is her fascination with airplanes important? Does it come up later? How did a illegal zoo in Southeast Canada get a thylacine? They live in Australia. Does she see her husband and child in the afterlife? How does the death of her child not affect her? Please explain that.
-Mental State
In here you said she was all well and good, but didn’t the death of her brother and father send her into a depression.

Overall you need to fix some things. I know you could’ve done better than this. You should know her well enough since you talk about her all the time.

@Suspicious_Reptiles

Okay, I'll bite. :) This one's my prince, the main character's best friend. I'd love to hear your feedback.

Prince Ghilandar

-Looks
134, 61 Kg, is a regular size for a boy his age and height. He wouldn’t look underweight, he would just look normal.
-Social
What is the religion Bridge?
-History
What else did he do with his life? Like what was he like when he was older? Did he make any friends? Please explain more on little things like that.
-Notes
Thank you so much for putting a pronunciation guide

Overall I like this character. It seems like you have a good grasp and understanding on him.

@Riorlyne pets

134, 61 Kg, is a regular size for a boy his age and height. He wouldn’t look underweight, he would just look normal.

Do you have suggestions for a good resource for calculating weight ratios for height and age? I set my characters heights but I derive their weights based on those heights, their ages and how I roughly want them to look (I don't really care about the numbers since kilos and pounds aren't units in my universe), and for Ghil I picked the lowest weight given that was still healthy. The only real-life reference I have is my own weight, which is applicable to very few characters. It's possible that the online tool I used didn't take his age into account properly, and I'll admit I put the 'he does look slightly underweight' there defensively, as on so many character critiques I have seen "your character is not an average weight for their height/age; you should add 20-40 pounds," and I wanted people to know he was on the skinny end of the spectrum.

What is the religion Bridge?

I have a rough idea of Bridge (to be honest it may not even end up being called Bridge) and I am working on an info-sheet for it. :)

What else did he do with his life? Like what was he like when he was older? Did he make any friends? Please explain more on little things like that.

Thank you for the suggestion; I will put some more thought into his backstory.

Thank you so much for putting a pronunciation guide

You're welcome! It was suggested by another critiquer and I thought it would be helpful to include for all my characters.

Overall I like this character. It seems like you have a good grasp and understanding on him.

I'm glad you like him. :) Thank you for taking the time to look at him and for your detailed critique!

@Suspicious_Reptiles

For the weight and height thing I use this sheet I got at a health fair a few years ago. I don't know if it's right or not but I think it is. It just said that 134 was around 10-15 pounds overweight. But thank you for asking the questions! Your character was fun to read about and judge!

@Suspicious_Reptiles

-Looks
She is seems a bit underweight for 5’ 8”. What do you ‘lampshaded by a confused Kai’? Do you think you you could describe to me her body type better than athletic? What type of athletics does she do to get muscles? What body type was she born with?
-Nature
What does she do when she’s in different moods? Please elaborate.
-History
Could you tell me more about what she was like when she was a small child? Like what friends did she have? Also, has she defeated any villains yet?

I love this character. I think it’s because she reminds me of me. Also I audibly gasped when you said that her relationship between Willid is like stealing a kill. But just fix up those things and you got yourself a good complete character.

@prollydelphia

She is seems a bit underweight for 5’ 8”. What do you ‘lampshaded by a confused Kai’? Do you think you you could describe to me her body type better than athletic? What type of athletics does she do to get muscles? What body type was she born with?

Kai is one of my other characters, and lampshade hanging/lampshading is a trope where a character points out something the author writes that might break the suspension of disbelief, and in this case Kai lampshades that it's strange that Emi has natural pink hair. Athletic is basically another word for a rectangular body shape, and most of her strength comes from physical fights with villains and lifting weights, but she tries to keep a more lean, toned look than having a lot of muscles.

What does she do when she’s in different moods? Please elaborate.

Do you mean to elaborate about moods in general? She tries not to let her mood affect what she's doing; she'll still patrol and investigate villains during her self-set hours (she works by a strict schedule more often than not), but if she's feeling really angry or sad, she'll treat herself to a two-hour bath and a lot of beauty self-care. She doesn't take breaks even if she feels especially bad or ill, and lives by "this too shall pass" when it comes to her feelings towards herself.

Could you tell me more about what she was like when she was a small child? Like what friends did she have? Also, has she defeated any villains yet?

When she was really little, she mostly made friends with her parent's friends' children. When she got into school, her friends were social butterflies, and she was one of the popular girls in high school. She wasn't impacted by them much, since her friends changed every school year and she's a big believer in romance > friendship. She's definitely fought her fair share of villains, both when she started being a hero in England and currently in Japan, though she's much more successful at the latter. She investigates multiple villains at a time, and on average, she arrests one every week, every two weeks if a villain's particularly hard to catch. Her speed at arresting villains is one of the reasons she got so much popularity in Japan, as well as the fact that her magical girl powers are flashy and entertaining to watch.

I'm glad you like her! Not gonna lie, she somehow became one of my favorite characters even though she's a real bitch to the protagonist. I only hope the gasp was a good thing, Emi and Wallid's rivalry is something I put a surprising amount of work into. Thanks!