forum Hey can you critique my guy here
Started by Caboose
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@Yamatsu

So far, Adam seems really cool! His motivations work, but the actual description is slightly vague. He wants revenge for the experimentation done on him and the other 99 Neo-Humans, but "what's going on now" doesn't really clear anything up. I'm sure you've got the entire thing mapped out in your head, but this is just from an outsiders point of view. Going off of that alone, it's murky, but the rest of the character sheet helps fill in a few details and gives hints to the rest of the story.
I understand that the body description thing gives one-word fill-ins to help us start out, but a bit more detail could be used. Another user provided me this format, and I think it works very well.

Head: Eyes, ears, nose, mouth, etc. (Thin lips, round eyes, fat nose, things like that)
Shoulders, Arms, and Hands: Broad shoulders, small hands, long fingers, hairy knuckles, that sort of thing
Torso: Back, chest, stomach, waist (don't be afraid of describing, especially with female characters. Flat stomach, muscular back, thin hips, etc.)
Legs and feet: Long legs, muscular calves, big feet, 5 toes, 3 toes, whatever…
This kind of format helps when really going into detail, and I encourage anyone to use this kind of thing.

A few side notes, slitting a man's throat with one bullet and having it lodge in the head of the guy next to him either means that there are some strange angles at play (there's a problem for highschool geometry!) or the man standing next to him is considerably shorter. I find this hilarious.

Also, this is solely based on my experience, but whenever I think of Prowler, I think of the cats from Monster Hunter. If Adam's going to be referred to as such throughout the novel, then the current formatting is fine. If not, then Adam Winchester should be the name and The Prowler should be in the aliases part. Small nitpick, I know.

Caboose

Okay whats going on now is a spoiler ish. The story will follow a C.I.A investigation thing is he's one of those guys.
Also he's so badass geometry is his bitch also did you ever think if he had a sniper rifle and the other guy was tying his shoe?