forum Help with my 6'5" girl who may or may not be a mary-sue?
Started by @LilNerdyGingerKitsune
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@Lady Lee Bliss

Looks: Tall! And appropriate weight! A lot of times I come across characters with totally off weights or heights, but you’re in the clear! Body type also seems pretty reasonable. Glad you listed her height as something in ‘Identifying Marks’ because it’s defiantly something I think people would notice, and smart to also list her uniform. Is there anything else you could list here? What about her face? Hair? Voice maybe? If you would like to keep that section short however, what it is now would work perfectly fine.

Nature: Great Mannerisms! Defiantly believable and great job with spanning over emotions. What else does she do when she’s sad? Does she also curse a lot while in a normal mood? Does she ever reuse certain words? Stutter? If you felt like it you could elaborate a bit more, but otherwise it’s great.

Her motivations I feel are a bit lacking. You could also elaborate on this a bit more. I feel like with a protagonist, they need a bigger drive to go through the plot. That is, unless, her biggest motivation is revealing to the story/not developed yet which I otherwise totally understand.

Her flaws are also pretty good, just they could use a bit more. I can’t really see why thinking positively would be a flaw, but you did explain what it leads too which is reasonable. What does she do doing these fits? Cry? Cry and scream? Just scream? Throw things? Like the fact that she’s accident prone, and in that case also has a scar to prove it. How does her allergy impact her job as a maid, and does she have serious reactions or just sneezing fits? Elaborate with her OCD. Does this ever get her in trouble? How serious is it, if it’s just mild, and how has this made her life worse? What makes it a flaw? Defiantly also get into her self confidence too. Does her job as a maid affect this? (Otherwise good flaws)

Does she know no one will ever marry her unless she’s taller because of experience? Or has someone told her? So when people are negative, does she instantly not like them, or just dislike that their negative???? (I think I just made myself confused lmao) Go in a bit more with the ‘boys are stupid and masculinity’ thing. Also, what about politics? How does she feel/view those? I find that from politics prejudices emerge.

Good talents. So is she just best with putting up with people or best at talking/socializing with them? Does she just have that aura about her or what does she have that allows her to not argue? How is she good with children? What is he good at in sports? Is she runner? Or a lifter?

What does she read? Where does she normally go to find things to organize? I think you need a bit more in hobbies. To be a hobby doesn’t mean they have to be good at it. Still good, just needs a bit more I think.

Okay so you defiantly answered a lot of question in her personality area, great! (I’m just lazy to go back and delete the questions) She defiantly has many good traits, so I think a bit more flaws or otherwise more defining ‘bad’ traits would help even her out. I feel as though her fits of anger, OCD, and Unluckiness are all really good, but not exactly caused by her. (???//) Like maybe she’s a bit closed minded from being a bit spoiled, or because she has OCD she can’t stand some people, maybe she’s jealous really easily? Just a bit more flaws. And I love the last paragraph lmao. Thats defiantly more in depth with her social confidence and height. I feel as though this is an important aspect.

(Sorry for cutting off, I have to go to sleep but I’ll finish in the morning!!! Please don’t take anything I said to heart, and don’t think you need to fix/change anything!!!!111!!!! It’s just my opinion and I seriously think Blake is a lovely character from her first few pages :))))

Deleted user

I like Blake! She seems nice and well rounded. I think you did well. :)
Looks: One question- where did she get her scar? Other than that, sounds good!
Mannerisms: All of these are really good! Is there any reason Blake does these things, or is it just random? It would be interesting to know why she ducks her head in doorways or fidgets with her socks.
Motivations: Why does she feel she needs to prove herself? What’s the background here?
Flaws: sounds good!
Prejudices: Why does she think masculinity is fragile? (tbh it really is, but why does blake think that?)
Talents: I think you’re good here.
Hobbies: What kind of books does she like to read, and why? Other than that, these are all good!
Personality: I like how a major part of her personality is influenced by her father, who seems really important to her. What happens when she has one of her fits? I like the part you put in there about her being sensitive about being single. Good touch.
Politics: All good, but I am curious, why does height matter so much to her?
History: (Oh, now I get it, sorry) This is a good backstory!