forum Hello y'all. Please send in your unfinished or finished characters for review and/or critique.
Started by @elowyz-jensen
tune

people_alt 65 followers

@elowyz-jensen

Once you send in a character, please tell me what kind of review you want; either a critique, general review, a positive "what I liked", etc.

@I-make-stuff

I could also put some dialogue into the notes section at some point, if you want some ideas on how she talks and presents herself, etc.

@Oakiin

So I roughly think Dakota's finished, so kinda just anything you think is missing, and an overall critique. I there's anything you really liked, that's be good to hear too! Thanks!

@AustinOliver

If you wouldn't mind helping me critique my antag Lucifer

In his details, I mention Carter a few times, that's my Protag, the link to him under "arch-nemesis" is public if you want to look at him for reference. Thanks in advance!

@I-make-stuff

Hey guys, I don't know if we're getting a response from this guy, so do any of you want to critique each other's characters? Like a chain or something.
@smiley9098 Here's a critique for you

Overview:

  • What is the significance of his name - does it mean something? Who exactly gave it to them?

Looks:

  • How long is their hair? You could expand more on all of this.

Nature:

  • How are their motivations to make Timothy happy but his flaws are selfish? There's not a whole lot of overlap there and frankly it's confusing and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Why are they selfish? How is that displayed? This section needs more fleshing out. Same with the personality type section.

Social:

  • "Christian" is a very, very broad definition of a religion, you might want to be more specific.
  • Politics is more of how they respond to authority (do they obey, or disregard them), and how they respond to rules, not necessarily what political leanings they have.
  • Why is blue their favorite color? Is it Timothy's favorite color? Same with butterflies - do the wings remind them of themselves, being angels and stuff?
  • Job means role in the story. Are they a side character, a supporting character, a background character, a protagonist, an antagonist, etc.

History:

  • If the birthday was when they were created, that would imply that they would have an age.
  • Education - being an angel, wouldn't they at least have some knowledge that they got immediately or something? Like a pre-programmed set of angel skills or something?
  • Background is really vague, you might want to flesh it out more

They seem a little bland, mostly because there just isn't a whole lot there to work with. Give them more personality and general information attached to them. Interesting concept, but right now it feels like a game of connect-the-dots with character traits - I just don't know how some of these traits interact and tie into each other.
I hoped this helped!

@smiley9098

Hey guys, I don't know if we're getting a response from this guy, so do any of you want to critique each other's characters? Like a chain or something.
@smiley9098 Here's a critique for you

Overview:

  • What is the significance of his name - does it mean something? Who exactly gave it to them?

Looks:

  • How long is their hair? You could expand more on all of this.

Nature:

  • How are their motivations to make Timothy happy but his flaws are selfish? There's not a whole lot of overlap there and frankly it's confusing and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Why are they selfish? How is that displayed? This section needs more fleshing out. Same with the personality type section.

Social:

  • "Christian" is a very, very broad definition of a religion, you might want to be more specific.
  • Politics is more of how they respond to authority (do they obey, or disregard them), and how they respond to rules, not necessarily what political leanings they have.
  • Why is blue their favorite color? Is it Timothy's favorite color? Same with butterflies - do the wings remind them of themselves, being angels and stuff?
  • Job means role in the story. Are they a side character, a supporting character, a background character, a protagonist, an antagonist, etc.

History:

  • If the birthday was when they were created, that would imply that they would have an age.
  • Education - being an angel, wouldn't they at least have some knowledge that they got immediately or something? Like a pre-programmed set of angel skills or something?
  • Background is really vague, you might want to flesh it out more

They seem a little bland, mostly because there just isn't a whole lot there to work with. Give them more personality and general information attached to them. Interesting concept, but right now it feels like a game of connect-the-dots with character traits - I just don't know how some of these traits interact and tie into each other.
I hoped this helped!

Thank you very much! This is going to be extremely helpful! A lot of this stuff I realize I know I just didn't know where to put it or how to word it haha.

@JuniperDreams group

@NinaRoco
((Since you brought this chat back I'm going to give you a long critique, so buckle in!))
Overview:
Wow, that's a lot of names! They sound good, and you have clearly tried to justify them with the nicknames (again, lots of those!) and what they mean to her character, but just make sure that justification is realistic. Does she need to be named completely around her heterochromia (I'll get back to this in the next section as well)? Would a parent look at their baby (who's eyes haven't opened yet, probably) and think that that is reasonable? It also kinda feels like you named her just to give her those nicknames, instead of the other way around, which ends up making them all sound a little contrived. On the other hand, I always love nicknames that aren't just shortened versions of the character's names! "Sea Shanty" is super cute, and I think that a way to make that sound even more organic would be to shorten that even further. Have her brother call her "Shan" or something, just because it's entirely different from her name and something only her brother will understand about her! This is something that happens with nicknames like that; for example, I had a cat named Anna, but my sister and I called her Banana, which evolved into "Bobanna", which ended up being "Bo-Bo". Nothing like the original, pretty far from the first nick name as well, and it stuck for a long time.

Looks:
Height and weight check out, just be sure to keep in mind that she is only 14, and therefore 5'0" is highly unlikely to be her final height. She may grow a couple more inches, and she will certainly put on a couple of pounds when she HITS hits puberty, just from shifting body fat. I would be hesitant to put a body type on her at such a young age, too. Just stick to a per-pubescent shape or more descriptors, like small and lithe. Those body type models are meant for fully formed adult bodies. I'm 20 now, and my most dramatic body changes didn't happen until I was around 16 (with some still happening even last year!). Growth is the first thing to stop, but that doesn't mean that the body stops changing, too. Just keep that in mind.
Now, the heterochromia. I get that you have tried to put symbolism into your character through this, but it can feel a little cliché to use eyes and eye color as a metaphor for personality. Also, wouldn't having heterochromia affect her eyesight? As far as I'm aware, it's a medical condition just like anything else that would affect someone's appearance that much. Please do more research on things like that before you implement them with your main character, don't just use them as quirky traits that make your protag special (with that you rick making a Mary Sue, which I don't think Chelsea is on track to becoming, but be aware for that if you are to develop her further). Again, maybe don't attach her given name onto her eyes. Babies don't fully develop their eye color for a few months after birth. Maybe use another nickname if you want to go there, but not the given name.
Aside from that, I appreciate how descriptive you were with her appearance! As an artist it always makes me happy when people actually invest time into developing their character's appearance past the generic "blond" or "skinny" descriptors! My last qualm with this section is the amount her hair grown in four years. There is no way in hell that someone's hair can go from shoulder-length to butt in that short a period of time! Maybe mid-back, but unless she has insane split ends and damage to her hair, not the butt. But that's more of a nitpick than anything else, tbh.

Nature:
Is she in a written work? If yes, she doesn't need nearly that many mannerisms. There is no way you could put all of those into a story without sounding forced. The only ones you really might need here are about her posture, her mimicking (which could even be moved to flaws), and he manner of speech. Poking fun at her brother isn't a mannerism, that's a social activity. Mannerisms apply to everyone she is around, and when no one is around.
Motivations sound good, but again I wonder if maybe they are a little too developed for a fourteen year old. Maybe not, it's been a while since I've been fourteen; but winning and empathy are the most realistic of the four motivations you put down.
Flaws also look good for the most part! My only qualm here is with the section of things she gets "irrationally annoyed over"; they all seem extremely reasonable to get annoyed over. There's nothing irrational about being irritated by people patronizing you or you having to repeat yourself a lot. Those are things that everyone gets mad over, in my experience. Also, being annoyed over gullible people could be moved to her "prejudices". If she feels that way about all gullible people, that as much a prejudice as any I can think of.
Her prejudices are very well developed! Many people ignore this section because of what it implies, but what you have given her here makes total sense and I can absolutely see those causing real conflict in your story (make sure you don't overlook that, too! These can be great conflict!). Well done!
Good at analyzing data at fourteen? Is she a super genius or something? I think you are slightly over estimating the abilities of fourteen year olds, tbh. People struggle with data analysis in college (take it from a biology major), and experiments don't just mean playing around with concepts. They all have structure and reason behind them. What she is doing is very much just playing or tinkering, not experimenting. (Lol together she and her brother form one complete scientist! I like that!)
Okay, no. Can she deal with lots of people OR doe she find it overwhelming? There's really not a lot of wiggle room there. I'm just going to quote a passage here: """She'll usually tell them to quit being a whine cellar (in a lighthearted and mild-mannered tone, not in an annoyed and condescending way) and then walk away. She doesn't mean to be rude, but she doesn't particularly care whether she comes off that way when she does this.""" This is a flaw. Put it in the flaws. If she doesn't care that people see her as rude and obnoxious, that. is. a. flaw! No, she shouldn't be overly conscious of it of course, but it shows a lack of concern (even though you stated that she's an empath?) and an inability to connect with those she doesn't find worthy (again, she's an empath, right?).
You have listed a lot of conditions without really explaining how they affect her life. A lot of them are the "special" traits again (ie synesthesia and heterochromia) that are extremely cliché and overused by people who don't know how to make interesting characters (not that you are one of them, but the connotations are there with those traits). When I see a character with synesthesia, I involuntarily groan. It can be done well, but literally everything else you have established about Chelsea (she's very young, pretty, super smart, charismatic, has heterochromia, etc) is setting her up more on the Mary Sue side of that spectrum. I like that you do have some actual issues for her though. Migraines are a real pain in the ass, and if both she and her brother get these sometimes, that can be used as a good weakness against them, or something that both of them will have to be consciously aware of. Same with the Orthostatic hypotension!

((this is getting really long, so I'll just briefly go over her social tab. Her history looks solid! Her friends look like really interesting characters!

Social:
-You have used the politics section in a very smart way! Lots of people completely miss the point on this section, but you nailed it head on! It all makes sense (again, a bit advanced for a fourteen year old, but I don't want to be too repetitive there) and I can see you do a lot with that in terms for furthering conflict and relationships.
-Interned at fourteen? (again, sorry, I know, but that's my most consistent critique of this character and it pretty much applies to most of the issues I have with her)
-I like the compasses! Nice detail! :)
-Hell yeah, Armadillos! Kick-ass little dudes!

Keep it up! I can tell you have a strong idea for where you want this story to go, and I like the tone you have created for it! Just check the reasonability behind Chelsea. I don't want to sit here and tell you how to write your character; in the end, it's up to you whether or not you think my advice is fair or if maybe there is a detail that you didn't provide on the profile that you explain some of my qualms. I like her a lot so far, and she has great potential!

@I-make-stuff

@JuniperDreams Thanks for the critique, yeah I realize now she's kind of overpowered haha. I'll do my best to balance skills more evenly across the group.
I doubt I'll use all the nicknames/stuff, I just wanted to have more than I needed to draw on.
Again, thank you so, so much for the thorough critique. I really needed it, and you provided. I can look at your character, too!

@JuniperDreams group

@JuniperDreams Thanks for the critique, yeah I realize now she's kind of overpowered haha. I'll do my best to balance skills more evenly across the group.
I doubt I'll use all the nicknames/stuff, I just wanted to have more than I needed to draw on.
Again, thank you so, so much for the thorough critique. I really needed it, and you provided. I can look at your character, too!

It's no problem! And if you have any concerns at any point, my inbox is always open! :)

@moss

@JuniperDreams
Here's one for your character

Looks: This section is pretty well done the only thing I recommend is to add how long her hair is.
Nature: The mannerisms you have are a good start but you should add more than two. How might she act when she's sad, does she have a tell when she's lying, etc. The rest of this section looks good.
History: While I got a pretty good idea of her background from the rest of her profile, there are some things that I think could use explaining and that's where her background section comes in. Some questions I had were, if she comes from a wealthy family why does she need to hunt for food? How did she come to the place she is today? What was her childhood like? Basically, tell her backstory in that section.
Gallery: The drawing is sooo good! Your so talented!

Overall, I really like her and think you've done really good so far. I'm sorry its kinda short but I hope it helps!!

@JuniperDreams group

@JuniperDreams
Here's one for your character

Looks: This section is pretty well done the only thing I recommend is to add how long her hair is.
Nature: The mannerisms you have are a good start but you should add more than two. How might she act when she's sad, does she have a tell when she's lying, etc. The rest of this section looks good.
History: While I got a pretty good idea of her background from the rest of her profile, there are some things that I think could use explaining and that's where her background section comes in. Some questions I had were, if she comes from a wealthy family why does she need to hunt for food? How did she come to the place she is today? What was her childhood like? Basically, tell her backstory in that section.
Gallery: The drawing is sooo good! Your so talented!

Overall, I really like her and think you've done really good so far. I'm sorry its kinda short but I hope it helps!!

Thanks!! That was helpful! To be honest, I forgot that I hadn't added her backstory in yet. Whoops! It's written on paper right now, though, so I'll have that done soon. Thanks for reminding me! :D