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Hello please critique me
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@Lonnie
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@Lonnie
@Lonnie
@Lonnie
@Lonnie
@Lonnie
@Lonnie
@Lonnie
LaJollaRising
I feel like it's a bit lacking in terms of history and characterization, and maybe that's because Sencelsa's only meant to serve as a god that explains the earth and not be fleshed out anymore than that. But, if it is going to be brought up more than that, I would recommend more characterization and history. Like he wears that long grey cloak with the moon and stars on it. Why? Where did he get it? Does that have any significance? Or, even more importantly, how did Sencelsa create Earth? Why? Did he get lonely or was he just curious? What type of God is he? Is he more active in human lives or is he cold and aloof? Vengeful or gracious? Where did humans get those stories about his "eyes that change color every day" or that "cloak with the moon and stars"? I would suggest fleshing out his lore, the folktales people tell, and Earth's origin story in this world. Stuff like that.
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@Keeja
-Aiden: Give us more detail about his personality. Describe tiny habits he has that makes him unique, in 'mannerisms' you put that he was awkward. Is like this ALL the time, or are there certain situations(like around big crowds, or around strangers, etc.)? Provide more information about his personality. What does he value, what are his morals, what are his beliefs? What religion does he practice? Does he have any friends?
-Celestia: Why is she motivated to gain power? What significance does having power hold to her? In 'prejudices' does that mean that she just hates everyone? If so, why? What cause her to dislike everyone? Celestia is a god? Of what religion?
-Coraline, Ken, Nora, Sirena, Victor, Sencelsa: They could all use some of the same information as Aiden. With Sencelsa you could elaborate on what you mean they have "all of" the talents. What does that mean? What do they consist of?
Those are just a few things I would suggest. Please continue to work on your characters and good luck!
@Lonnie
Thank you so much