forum Hello, can you judge this character? thanks
Started by @sharkfinn_ey
tune

people_alt 3 followers

@Yamatsu

You've done a good job so far. I do have a few questions and comments, though:

  • Why does Omar have an ethnicity if he is literal Death incarnate?
  • Is Death a title or job positition? Is Omar the Dread Pirate Roberts?
  • It is "leaves," just so you know.
  • It's also "assassins," I always say ass-ass-ins.
  • I love the fact that he seems so "human" despite being Death!
  • I also never would have expected Death to use brass knuckles instead of the usual scythe.
    I feel that Omar feels relatively complete at this phase, you just need to include the background like you said.

@sharkfinn_ey

I think I'm going with the whole 'being' in a disposible body or something like that. He gets born into a new body everytime he dies, so that's why he does have an ethnicity.
It's a title, but he works with other assassins since they make his job easier. He has to blend in as a human so the scythe, though cool, isn't practical haha

GinjaNinja

Honestly he is a pretty well rounded character. I would make it possibly?? my opinion. So don't take this one part to heart, but since he doesn't share his emotions and bottles it up maybe he could have an animal companion?? So that way he wont always be carrying it around with him. He will have a small outlet. That's just me.
And now for this, Honestly the whole "In order to Insult me, I have to value your opinion first". That is my new life motto. So that is awesome. I absolutely love it.
With the lighter, since he has had it for so long? if he has. if not then ignore this. But if he has had it for a long time you could make all of the scars older, because if he has always had a lighter with him then he would have a familiarity with it, so he wouldn't really burn himself on it anymore.
Since he Hyper-focuses on some things it could be a potential ADHD thing? as someone with ADHD I tend to either hyper-focus or have nothing to do with it. If I hyper-focus then nothing else in the world matters. It takes people multiple times saying my name for them to get my attention. I was in my own little world. So could be a possibility?
My opinion that if he is "Death" then he would not get drunk very easily. He would have to have a specific thing for him to frink maybe?
I can easily relate to the whole Sparkling water thing. I absolutely hate it and I don't really know why??
You said that when he bonds to people he bonds for life, but then you said that if he hangs around people for too long then they normally die. Kind of contradicting. Unless they are susceptible to death. So might want to look into that.
His occupation is not really an assassin, it would just be "Death" really.
For his birthday, is he like a new Death? or has he always just been Death? If so then he would really have a birthday seeing as There has always been Death. Unless in this universe you have it differently.
All in all though I really like this character. Sorry if it was way too long. But I enjoy going over other peoples characters and trying to help them with it. Honestly one of my favorite things. If you have any questions just ask and I will answer to the best of my ability.
– GinjaNInja

@sharkfinn_ey

Thank you for the criticism! Don't apologize for liking things ;)
To answer your questions;
The lighter is fairly new, so the scars are new as well. Couple months maybe haha.
He doesn't have a pet personally, but his friend has 3 cats he loves and uses as an outlet. Outside of that he just bottles it up untill he sees an animal he can pet.
I'm thinking I'll make him have ADHD, making some small things that'll give that away untill I gain more knowledge. I myself have autism and a couple of friends who do have ADHD so i really hope to get it just right.
People around him die when he's too long around, so he leaves every couple of months. This is because of the 'vibe/aura' he gives off, a bit like an slow acting infection I guess that goes away when he leaves.
So he is able to bond for life, but can't be with them 24/7.

I tried to make him as human as possible, so that's why he has a race and a birthday and all. He has always been death, being birthed into a new body when he dies of old age.

Do you maybe have some tips to let the reader subtly know he has ADHD?
Thanks again!

GinjaNinja

Oh ok, that makes a lot more sense.
I personally have ADHD so I could possible help with that. Me I always have to be moving some way. A finger tapping there, a knee bouncing here. just have to be in motion. all the time. I ramble A LOT. I tend to speak to fast for most people to understand me. I tend to talk really loud without realizing until someone has told me. I can never stay focused on something for too long. Unless it is something I find extremely interesting, then I hyper-focus. Like when I read I am so focused I don't realize whats going on. Then if someone interrupts while I am reading then a I get angry. Don't really know why I get angry, but it happens.
I also don't realize half the time when I am tapping my fingers or moving my knee. I just have a sudden realization that it's happening and I try to stop. But as soon as I don't pay attention to it again. It happens again.
– GinjaNinja