As I develop characters I would love to get feedback and to make sure that they aren't too close to characters that have already been created. I would also love suggestions on said characters!
Alex Marrqs (Alex)
Lucas Goode (Luke)
Zoe Anne-Solstice Stone (Zoe)
And yes, I know, they are all names that have been used by Rick Riordan, but I've loved these names since before I read his books.
These all seem really interesting! Without knowing a whole lot about the plot I don't know for sure if you've thought about some of these things in more depth than you've written but here's what I may suggest:
For Zoe:
The stuff you have for mannerisms is probably more suited for the personality category. Mannerisms are more like small quirks the character has (i.e. biting their lip of playing with their hair when nervous) things they do without realizing they're doing it.
For Luke:
Under prejudices you put "expected to be good with bow but is terrible" but there's no reason anywhere that suggests why that's the case. I don't know if you just didn't put it in or if you just hadn't gotten that far yet but it would be helpful to explain why.
For Alex:
"The truth" as a motivation is a little vague, and could be developed a little more. The truth about what? The truth about a family member or about an event that happened, or does he just hate lies and wants to know the truth about everything? It would be good to try to narrow down the motivation to something a little more specific.
I also would like to point out that it seems like all three characters might be children of gods, but only Alex has his godly parent listed. If I am incorrect on this front ignore this part and move on. :)
All three characters are really interesting and it seems like you definitely have a lot already. Hopefully this helps you flesh them out even more. :) hopefully i didn't offend you with any of this critique, I just hope to help you refine your characters as others have done for me. :)
Alex: the first thing that I would like to point out is the motivations, they seem a bit unexplained. is he motivated to fight to reveal the truth or does he hide from it and that's his motivation, or is he just motivated by it? If you want him to be one of the main characters, you should really work on adding some more to them and try to fill in all of the information. For talents, is he a natural or did he work really hard to become a good swordsman? the background could use some work, showing what he was like and how the events in his life changed him. all in all, pretty good character but I wish I knew more about him.
Luke: this is optional but it would be easier to describe his hair in writing if you knew the style it was in, such as just having messy hair or bedhead or just running a hand through it and calling it fine (optional). the prejudices could also use some work, as prejudices are mainly what the character despises. You should really consider adding more to the character and trying to put in all of the information so you can write the character easier. Backgrounds are very important, they define the character and give reasons for the way they act and sometimes look. As one of the main characters, the writer should know how they tick.
Zoe: It says that her body type is athletic, which I assume you mean lean and slightly muscular, but the ideal weight for the average 5"3 13-year-old is around 117 pounds. Mannerisms are things like what they do when they're nervous (ex: fidgeting with their shirt, looking around, stammering, etc), not their personality type, that's actually another tab in nature. Why does she have trust issues? Also, that's a lot of hobbies, imagine doing all of those things in a day, it would be exhausting, try to limit it a little. Again, the background is very important to try and develop that especially for the main character of your story.
other than the things I described, these characters could be pretty cool if you put a little more effort and work into them, fixing the little things along the way to create a more realistic and lovable trio. Good luck!
Thank you guys so much!
Most of the vague-ness is due to me not putting all of the info down, I'll try to get as much down as soon as I can. I'm still developing all of my characters backgrounds but Alex's is particularly interesting.
I addressed different things in each paragraph, so even if it's not to you, I recommend reading it, I answered as many questions as possible but if you have more feel free to ask! Again thank you, I'm so glad to be getting feedback,especially from strangers XD
Friends try to spare your feelings, but I want to make my writing amazing. I can't do that with "Yeah, it's great"
@Raziel Gallephraya
Thank you so much for your feedback! I am 5'3" and weigh about 110 lbs. I am smaller than many people and I'll try to factor that in. Zoe has trust issues due to her years in public school. As we all know, kids can be horrible, especially when someone is different. Zoe had a best friend(before Luke)(Name has yet to be decided) and she told her everything. Zoe wore dark glasses almost all of the way through elementary, 1st to about 3rd. One day her best friend took off Zoe's glasses revealing her odd eyes. Her friend promised not to tell. The next day that same friend, took Zoe's glasses and broke them, revealing her oddity to the whole class. Word spread and Zoe, at such a young age, was shunned. Before she knew who her father was,Zoe believed he abandoned her and her mother, in a way he did, but more context on that soon. This, along with several more little things, left Zoe un-trusting and suspicious. She met Luke in 4th grade and things got better from there. He always loved Zoe's eyes. and never thought negatively of her because of them
Emily
I agree with the bit about mannerisms, I asked one of my friends advice and they suggested I move it, so I did. I wasn't too sure though. Alex is searching for the truth "Are his friends really dead and if not, does he have to pick which one to save?" Alex was a quick learner, a bit of a mix between natural and hard work; he works to improve but had talent initially. Alex is also a son of Athena. Luke is a son of Apollo, god of archery, etc. etc. and it is addressed in the story, I just haven't had a a chance to convert that information to this site. I'm still debating Luke's hair. I've been looking through soooo many pictures of blond guys, I'm glad my boyfriend doesn't go through my search history XD And you didn't offend me, I'm glad to hear feedback.
Alex is searching for the truth "Are his friends really dead and if not, does he have to pick which one to save?"
But does he highly value truth? Will he choose to tell the painful truth over a pretty lie? Or does he consider the search for truth a personal quest for all and if someone isn't proactive enough to sniff out a lie, it's because they're lazy? Does he get mad if he discovers his friends have lied to him? Does he consider withholding things being untruthful?
His main goal is to find out what happened to his friends, bc he believed they were dead. He wants to know the truth. Sure, he doesn't like being lied to, especially bc, as a child of Athena, facts are important for a logical answer. Yes, he values truth, but to an extent. And no, he doesn't consider withholding things untruthful, he did, after all, never truly tell anybody about Katie and Matt. He also values privacy and doesn't stick his nose in other people's business, rather, let's them come to him (and they do!)