This is a neglected and abused girl, struggling with anxiety and PTSD. I'm writing my first ever realistic fiction novel guys so yea…sound the trumpets or realistic fiction. (If that's a thing) It's weird not to have a cast of all-magical characters lol… This is my protagonist Everly. In the book, she escapes her family and calls child services, and is transferred to a foster home. A rich family adopts her but is actually just seeking positive attention from the public after dark rumors were being spread about their family. They figured adopting a foster kid would show them as good people and the rumors might die down. However, their son Zayden becomes good friends with Everly and helps her navigate her first time in a real school after her traumatic childhood. All in all, she slowly recovers and makes new friends and starts a new life and all that.
My question to you is could you critique my girl Everly??
Thank you so much! Peace out.
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Alright so it sounds like to me that you're making her character based around her abuse/neglect, which isn't right (socially). Personally, I don't think your character's flaws should be based around nightmares she gets from her abuse. Also, therapy is a thing. Please try and see if her richer family will get her it, because it will help a lot with characterization and help have a much richer character arch, giving her a satisfying area of peace for her when she is older.
Otherwise, she's alright, but it'll be very hard to have her as a second MC.
Yeah, I didn't mention she sees the school counselor, but you're right, maybe an out of school therapist will help her better with everything she's been through.
Hey I'd love to take a look! (Also I've seen you in a bunch of recent posts helping people out, kudos to you, you deserve a good critique haha)
HI HER GALLERY PIC IS BEAUTIFUL, first thing I'm pointing out because I loooove when a character has a gallery haha, even just a single picture adds so much. Lovely colors! ((Coming back to this after reading through her whole profile: I really do think it's a wonderful image you chose for her, representative of her trauma with the bright red splashes that are almost reminiscent of blood, but mixed in with other colors that may symbolize joy, sadness, fear, courage; all such bright colors, as though she is someone who only ever feels strongly, about anything. Maybe I'm getting too philosophical haha.))
"thinks" she's fourteen? What reason would she have to think otherwise? And why is her last name unknown?
I will say I think it's a bit of an odd trope for someone to be "skinny but strong", if you're skinny by definition you don't have a lot of fat, let alone muscle mass. If she was malnourished it's understandable, but perhaps you mean "lean with smooth muscles"? If you want to keep her thin. Also, the confusion is sparked by the vagueness of "skinny", is she malnourished? Because she could be healthy and lean and/or muscled.
Alright I am,,,, white and by no means an authority on this, but I believe Hispanic refers to a language, mainly you're Hispanic if your first (or one of your first) language is Spanish; you can be white, black, latinx… Again, maybe you know better than I do, just something I thought of! (If you mean for her to be of Latin American origin, Latina would a better qualifier I think.)
Nice detail about the eyes being "haunted"!
Tan is also a little vague I think, elaborate! ^^ What are the undertone colors, and is she tan from the sun or naturally?
Honestly really like her mannerisms and motivations, like, I'm such a supporter of kids growing up to be the type of person they WISH they'd had in their life as a child, not knowing necessarily how to do the right thing but knowing ALWAYS not to do the wrong thing because they've seen the worst, just chef's kiss.
I'm curious about the anxiety and PTSD, it's great that she has Zay's support but, since her adoptive family is rich, couldn't they easily find her some medication, that may possibly help? Or is Everly against that, for some reason? Anyway "waiting it out" is a VERY last resort solution, I think.
Overall a great start in the Personality tab, but I would elaborate a bit more! What else scares her, besides nightmares and things that remind her of her past? She will "barrel through anything even if she's scared" but how fearful is she really? I'd also like to know when/how her anxiety acts up, is it social anxiety or milder agoraphobia or??? Don't be afraid to do some research! Some other questions: how long before she DOES trust someone, since obviously and understandable she has issues? What sort of person is she drawn to? Is she willing to give second chances, or even third ones? When does her kindness reach it's limit? What sort of behavior annoys her, rather than scaring or angering her? And so on.
I can tell you with certainty that there is no such thing as "having no opinion on politics" haha, especially because EVERYTHING is political nowadays, from your social life to your education to your human rights. Perhaps put instead that she's ambivalent, still figuring it out? ((Upon re-reading I realize that she's only 14 haHA, but 14 is also usually the age that kids tend to realize the world is kind of a shitty place, and on top of that Everly has SEEN and LIVED through some horrifying shit, so I think she'd still have an opinion on the child services or just the system is general, things that have to do with children and parents or potential parents (see: abortion, divorce, single parenting, etc..). Just a hint of something is enough, but she probably already has some sort of opinion forming.))
The notepad bit is sweet, and I love that you wrote "draw her emotions", that's such a unique yet simple and poignant way of coping. Perhaps she can afford an actual sketchbook now, with the rich family, or does she prefer the smallness and privacy that comes with the notepad?
Ick child labor ICK CICK fuck, poor kid
I think it'd be very helpful to go into more detail with her background, though I know from experience that writing that part can be painful; if you're up to it, maybe briefly explain the sort of trauma she dealt with? And, something important I think, explain what made her finally stand up and cut ties, what gave her the strength to call child services and finally make it out of such a horrible environment? What made her consciously say "enough is enough"? And, what happened to her parents?
You don't mention but just to be clear, she's an only child right?
Overall I really, really like Everly: she comes off as so so strong and mature for her age and I think you could go a long way with her, as long as you develop her trauma (and healing) correctly. Great job and keep up the good work! :)
Now that I remember…I did write this all at 3 am when I was jetlagged. Some of the weird stuff may be the result of that and I'll definitely give her a political opinion. Lol. You are right. Not having a political opinion isn't really like…a thing nowadays. She is fourteen but I'm in middle school and I have a political opinion sooooo, yup.
