forum Done

Started June 24, 2018 by @Rvan group

tune

thx

First off for Rvan, his weight is horrifyingly skinny considering his height. The average weight is around 175 pounds for males as tall as 6'2" especially since he has a lot of muscle he would be weighing a lot more. You're mannerisms are a good summary, but it can't hurt to get a little more specific. How does he lie? How does he smile? What does he do when he's excited, nervous, or surprised? These will help give your character more life. I can see how his motivation could be strong, but a main point you should include is how Erik motivates Rvan? How does Erik force Rvan to change as a person? How does this move the story along? How does this create tension in the story? A good, strong motivation is essential for a protagonist and I think it has the potential if you expand on it a bit more. I really like his flaws, but it wouldn't hurt to explain them more. How did these flaws develop? Otherwise I'd say they're pretty strong. His prejudice isn't really a prejudice, though. If anything it sound like you're saying a lot of people would be prejudiced against him for being white, middle class, and straight, but lets focus on his prejudices. When you're prejudiced against something, it's a preconceived hateful opinion of a religion, social status, culture, gender, or race. For example, you could be prejudiced against the upper class even if they haven't directly done anything to you. On the flip side, you could have the same prejudice with a justified reason for it. I still think that you have a really god point when you say that people have a preconceived notion about him when thinking that he should be happy, and I really don't think that's brought up often enough. His talents are pretty strong, but think more along the lines of virtues that he may have, these character strengths should parallel his flaws to bring him together as a character. For example, you say he doesn't care as a character flaw, but the flipside of that would most likely be how he can keep a cool temper. You also say that he he's smart and athletic, but doesn't put either of those to good use. My question is what's the use of making him either of those things if he doesn't have anything based around them. What if he's really smart and loves to get lost in a good book, or he's really athletic and loves to go for a swim. Giving your character these attributes won't weaken him a s a character. If anything they'll make him more of an individual. His hobbies are pretty good they match up with his character, but I'm kind of interested in what hobbies he had before he smoked, cut, or could even drive. Does he still do those hobbies however rarely? I definitely think you can expand on his personality type. First of all what makes him an ISTP? What makes him different from an ISTP? How is he his own individual person? Don't be afraid to flesh him out a little more. He also has o have a religion. Even if he doesn't believe in a god, he'd be agnostic or atheist, but he wouldn't have no religion. One thing to consider in his political views is what makes him a Republican. Even if it's just because his parents are Republican, it's still important to state. Since he doesn't have an occupation you could still stat an occupation he'd like to have. For his favorites, go into a little more detail about why they are his favorites. What makes them special to him? What year was he born? For education you could add what classes he does well in and what classes he doesn't. His backstory is very well-developed, I would only he you think about things like his family life, his childhood. How did he act when he was younger? What did he enjoy doing when he was younger? How does he interact with his family? I like his choice of pets.
I really honestly think that you have a solid start to great character. Happy writing!

Oh, yeah, sorry about the weight. I tracked that on there before I decided his height lol

Hello! So, there was one thing that i just wanted to point out, for his background, you really only mention his attempted suicides, but reading it I still don't understand what his home life was, or who he had as a friend growing up, I only understand the fact that he is/was suicidal, and I have no other information on his life other than that.

I have attempted suicide many times before, and I am still suicidal and I am also depressed at times, but there is so much more to me than just that. I love to write, and draw. I also hate the color orange! Try figuring out how to add other details into his background!

For example,

What was/is his relationship with his parents? If he was an orphan, did he move foster homes a lot?

Does he have any siblings? How many? What is/ was his relationship like with them?

Did he/Does he have any hobbies that helped him get through his rough times?

Like I said before, you really only explain his suicide attempts, and we don't know anything about his past other than that.

I also see that under Mannerisms, you say he has lots to say, but doesn't care enough to say them. Why? Is he introverted? Does he have social anxiety? Is he just a careless, reckless teen? I feel like you can add so much more about the character and reasons why he doesn't care enough to tell others his opinions.

So about his hobbies:

I'm sorry, but cutting isn't a hobby, it is a horrible, serious thing that people joke about. I'm a little annoyed you put it under hobbies. This is something people actually do, it isn't like drawing, or writing. However, I don't think you meant any harm, and got a little confused about it.

You also say that your character is smart and athletic! You say he doesn't play sports, so how does he keep his body-as you stated it- 'ripped'? Does he work out daily?

As well as being athletic, you say he's smart, how smart is he? Does he excel in some subjects more than others? Like, He is super good in Math, but he needs to improve his Biology grade a bit?

Why doesn't he ever do anything/show that he is smart? Is he embarrassed by it? Is there a particular reason other than the fact that he doesn't care enough?

I basically just keep going back to the fact that he doesn't care enough..why doesn't he?

Sorry if I was to critical, I don't expect people to have perfect characters, however those are like the only flaws I can really see… I do hope it helped!

It's quite alright, it's just that most people who are suicidal have other traits! They are humans after all! I would definitely put cutting under mannerisms.

Sorry if I seemed a bit to..um..offended there…I just, really don't like when people just assume that a person who has a history of suicide or are suicidal are just suicidal! (If that makes sense) My uncle, who unfortunately did commit suicide was an artist and landscaper! He was also hilarious, and made everybody smile when he walked into the room.

Like I said before, they are humans! These things just kind of annoy me a bit..

(off I go on a rant again, I apologize.)