forum Destroy My Children
Started by @Lightningclaw13 group
tune

people_alt 2 followers

barabara

First off I'd like to say that this is my first time critiquing characters so there might not be a lot to take away from all of this, but I hope I at least help you a little bit.
Starting with Ayana, I really like her background and the fact that she's recovering from a traumatic event. That being said, however, I wonder how that affected her in the long run. Did she continue liking/disliking the same things as she did before? Do any objects give her flashbacks of when this happened? She's a solid character and her background makes her stand out, but with her background, you could build a lot of individuality into her character.
For Lily, I like her emotional depth. I feel like her shy personality gives a good contrast to Ayana's warmer and bolder personality. She has a lot of little quirks that would be better if given an explanation and tied down to who she is deep inside. One thing that's lacking from Lily is some sort of deep drive. For Ayana, this wasn't a problem since she seemed absent-minded in the first place, but since Lily is older and has more of a spectrum of emotions, it seems like she should have a deeper and more personal goal. Something outside of reuniting her family, but something that helps her address her flaws. All things considered, I think Lily has real potential.
Moving on to Dakota, she seems like a really solid character. I like the way you incorporated depression/self-harm into her personality, but I also think that one of her deep personal flaws should be connected to her depression. Like Lily, I think she has real potential, but she too needs a deeper and more personal goal. It's one thing to battling others, but it takes it one step farther to be battling yourself. If you incorporate that into her daily life and into her character schematic, I think it would really make a difference.
Last but not least, there's Cole. I'd say he'd fall into the generic male character category. That being said, he's also a solid character. For him specifically, I think you should focus on an outward struggle for him to overcome. Make sure that your character's goals have meanings. For example, Cole may want to keep his friends safe, but why? Is it to prove himself? If it is to prove himself, to whom is he trying to prove himself? The same goes for all of your characters. I think that they're all very solid, but to take them to the next level, you need to give them meaning. Before you give them new qualities always ask yourself why. Try to think that they were waiting to be brought to life rather than you're waiting to create them.
I apologize if this didn't make any sense. I hope this helped!

@Lightningclaw13 group

@barabara
Thank you so much! You did a good job and it did help!
Ayana: Yes, she does continue liking/disliking the same things as before. Not objects, more so actions. Like if someone raises their hand quickly she'll freak out.
Lily: More quirks will come up as I write her and her story. As her motivation, I changed it to "To try and be more confident in herself (both physically and mentally) and to help reunite her family."
Dakota: I changed one of their flaws (nosey) to self-conscious, as like you point out, something connected to their depression should 100% be a huge flaw. As for their goal, I changed it to "To learn how to deal with their depression and make sure their friends stay safe"
Cole: To prove to himself he's capable. He thinks he's not very masculine and by doing that (as most of his friends are girls) he can prove he's a "man." I also changed his motivation to "To prove to himself he's a capable person and safety for his friends and family"