forum Destroy my babies?

Started February 06, 2018 by @Lightningclaw13 group

tune

I'd really appreciate some critique on these characters of mine! Thank you in advance!

To be honest, they're a bit bland. They don't really have anything unique about them that would make a reader emotionally invested.
They might become really interesting characters if you add just a bit more to them. Maybe give them more flaws and make them more relatable by making them a bit more human, tone them down a bit.
I read some of the other characters you created and my favourite by far would be Tristan. He is also a bit "over the top" but he has relatable flaws that make him interesting.
These characters could become something really interesting that I'm sure many people would like to read about if you just worked a bit more on them.

Hope i didn't sound too rude, i really liked your ideas.
Thomas

@T. W. Michaels No offense taken! Honestly, out of all the characters I have, I think those 3 might be the blandest. I do plan to develop them more in their story that I'm still writing, so hopefully, that will make them more interesting! I'm also glad you liked Tristan, I've had him around for a while and, like the rest of my characters, I think will be better developed when I complete the story I have for them!

Hmm, i'll have a try!

Hunter~ First, you say he has no nicknames, but that can't be true. There has to be something that other people call him, even something he might call himself! Just looking at his name I can come up with the nickname 'Hunt.' You say he doesn't have any identifying marks, like non at all? His skin is completely pure? He doesn't have freckles, or scars, or bumps, or tattoos? He doesn't have something like earnings, or glasses/contacts? Nothing? He is a bit underweight, especially since you say he has fat. He should be somewhere between 180-215 lbs! I think you can give him more mannerisms. A country accent is okay, but what does he do when hes bored? Play with his hair, fiddle his thumbs? What about when he is angry? Does he fold his arms? How does he act when he is scared? Mannerisms are super important and one of the things that make characters more human! You say he has no prejudices which can't be possible! EVERYONE has a prejudice, you might just not recognize it as one! Whether it be something small like, 'everything that's yellow is ugly,' or something like 'All (insert certain race here) are bad people.' Everyone has one, I promise. Hmm, like @"T. W. Michaels" said, he is a bit bland and so is his backstory. Any trauma that happened in his life that made him the way he is? How long did he like Jasmine? Did he have any pets? Did he go to school or have any other friends?

Ok, now Jasmine! She doesn't have any other nicknames? Like 'Jaz' or 'Jamie?' Nothing like that? Whoa okay, she is really underweight, like by 10 or so lbs. She should be somewhere between 145-170 lbs! She has a.. interesting hairstyle lol. Its different and I guess that is what matters. I've seen this a few times, but you fail to explain what a light being is. I'm very intrigued and would like to know. I think you can give her a few more mannerisms too! They go a lot deeper than just what they do when a character talks or when they are angry. She doesn't have a occupation? How does she make a living then? Does she have to? Ok, her background Is a bit confusing. I doubt her parents hated her that much and thought she was that ugly enough to basically leave her on her own. No parents are like that unless they are alcoholics or generally bad people, and the especially wouldn't act like that if they had just lost a child. And especially if they thought she was defective. People that have children that are born a bit different (y'know down syndrome, vitiligo, missing limbs) definitely don't treat their child like that. You never mentioned what killed her older brother, Ollie, either.

Last, Cole. Jasmine and him both have oddly colored tips in their hair, is that natural or did they dye it? He doesn't have any identifying marks either? Why does he constantly wash his hands and bathe? Is he a germaphobe? I think you can give him a few more mannerisms also. Why does he fear for the safety of his friends? Why is that his motivation? Explain! C'mon, give him a prejudice!! He doesn't have a favorite possession? He doesn't even have a shoe or something he likes more than other things? In his background you said he distanced himself from them, why? Because they were smothering him? And he built Dakota a house? That would take quite a while so I imagine she would have to have a place to stay while the process was going on. Where did she stay during that time?

Anyways, good luck and hope I helped! <3

@Celestial-B Thank you so much! I'm actually going through all of my characters again and trying to refine them a bit more, so this helps a lot!