forum Critiquing characters

Started August 12, 2018 by Matthias

tune

i am just starting out writing and critiquing but if you want an honest (sometimes brutally honest only if you want it to be though) opinion on your character then i will try my best. however some ground rules.

1) Please try to send me characters that are as fleshed out as possible.
2) please only send me one at a time. i will happily critique them all but one at a time means i can look at them thoroughly.
3) this isn't a rule but i live in australia so i may not get back to you at a good time but i will try to get back to you as soon as possible.

Hello, fellow Australian! :) If you have the time, could you take a look at my main character, Ben?

i will always have time for a fellow australian. I think you have created a well thought out character and I would love to see the rest of your character and the story. I think it will be great. i love the idea of a handprint scar on his bicep. Ithink it adds a layer of mystery to your character. Also having people not no his exact birthday or even name once again adds a layer of mystery. However whilst your character is well fleshed out I don't find him particularly interesting. Sorry if I offend you. He seems almost stereotypical. That isn't a bad thing but having maybe one or two more layers to him might add some colour or depth. But as i said earlier i am new and not experienced with this sort of thing. Overall a wonderful character with only some small changes needed.

Thank you for taking the time to look at him! And thank you for being honest; I'm not offended. :) If you don't mind my asking, what aspects of Ben do you find stereotypical, or lacking in depth? As he is my main character I would like to make him as interesting and original as I can (while staying true to the plot I have in mind, of course! XD).

Sorry it has taken so long. The part I find stereotypical are how he is almost hyper masculine and lacks and feminine qualities to balance him out. Also in his description of body type though this isn't a big problem it is just that he is a tull muscular guy so there is nothing weak about him and I know that plot wise that is difficult but he doesn't need to be physically weak obviously he could have a more gentle side to him. Sorry if he does and I just missed that. I don't know whether or not during the story if you have come up with it yet he develops into a more feminine and colourful person but he could plot allowing of course. Also the mysterious and somewhat brooding and standoffish troupe is such an overused on in my opinion and stems from a more "traditional" guy (masculine) point of view. However if this is what you want your character to be and that he needs to be like this to move the plot forward fair enough just be aware that it could be a bit boring depending on ow you play your cards. one more point is that adding some flavour to his backstory might also help. You could also add him learning about himself as a way to incorporate some colour to his character if it works with the plot of course. oh also he has a love interest right? Just make sure you don't make her a damsel in distress as this is also in my opinion an overused troupe. Sorry it is so long both with the sentences and the paragraph as well. good luck with improving and developing be and the rest of your characters and story further. If you need another set of eyes i am always here to help it just might take me a bit but at least the time zones won't be a barrier.

hopefully in future you can help me with my writing

Can you critique my antagonist, Evera? Evera Kyŏng-Bennett

Hey overall a great character. I just have one question. what do you me by "adopted by someone of a like mind.". i love that you have included some Diversity LGBT+ wise. i think doing that makes a character more interesting and targets a different audience as well. However, I am just confused as to what you mean by that. also something you could add is why does she like birds and why is she agnostic to look further into your character. otherwise your character is very good but maybe just needs to be expanded on. An if she is an antagonist you can go into depth about a unique backstory and why she believes what she does. why does her position mean so much? Why does he family mean so much? it is looking great so far.

Thank you! When I said "adopted by someone of a like mind" it was kinda vague because of sentence structure but basically I meant that she wants her position to fall to someone similar to herself. She wants to make sure her legacy is intact. I have a question though: what do you mean when you say she needs a unique backstory? I feel that most people value their positions, especially when they've worked hard to get there, and their families, because…they're…family? I don't know, I'm probably not making much sense. Anyway, thank you so much for the critique! I'll keep your suggestions in mind.

The part I find stereotypical are how he is almost hyper masculine and lacks and feminine qualities to balance him out.

Okay, thank you for pointing this out. Would you say that being talkative and gregarious would be typical feminine traits?

Also in his description of body type though this isn't a big problem it is just that he is a tull muscular guy so there is nothing weak about him

As he’s the prince’s bodyguard he’s one of the more muscular characters, and his height is mainly due to his ethnicity. I think it would be good to think about physical weaknesses as well as character weaknesses though, so I’ll keep that in mind as I develop him.

I don't know whether or not during the story if you have come up with it yet he develops into a more feminine and colourful person

The way I have the story planned, Ben definitely develops as a person, but I wouldn’t say that he becomes more feminine. He’ll be overcoming some of his prejudices and learning to use his magic (he has light magic, which is used more for defence than offence). At one point he’ll be rescued by his best friend (who uses fire magic) and that will come as a big shock to him and mess with his worldview. He will probably also meet his sister again and learn more about his own history.

I have purposely given Ben several masculine traits because (a) he is a guy and (b) to distinguish him from his best friend, the prince, who is more reserved and emotionally connective, and less impetuous.

Also the mysterious and somewhat brooding and standoffish troupe is such an overused on in my opinion and stems from a more "traditional" guy (masculine) point of view.

I’m not sure what it is about Ben that comes off as brooding and standoffish, as that’s not how I picture him at all. His emotions are very quick and intense, and he would find it difficult to hide them from others. He talks quite a bit, especially when he’s happy or thinking, and being extroverted he prefers to be in the company of others (whether adults, people his own age, kids or animals). He makes friends easily and is quite frank in his conversation. He does find it difficult to empathise with others, but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about their problems.

oh also he has a love interest right? Just make sure you don't make her a damsel in distress as this is also in my opinion an overused troupe.

I agree that damsels in distress are overused. This is not my plan for his love interest, Tani. I have tried to develop her as a well-rounded character in her own right, and in all likelihood, any romance between them will only be a minor part of the story. If you’re interested in taking a look at her character sheet, let me know and I’ll post the link. :)

If you need another set of eyes i am always here to help it just might take me a bit but at least the time zones won't be a barrier.

Thank you! I am also happy to help with your writing in future if you need a critique.

I would just like to say on the topic of his emotions and my opinion of him being standoffish and brooding that now that you explain it I see nothing wrong with that. Yes being talkative i would say is a more feminine quality but it could also have been that he is sensitive or gentle. Maybe he is with some people and I just missed that but adding some more feminine qualities i think would round him out as a character. Yes I would like to look at the character sheet for Tani and from what i have seen so far i am sure she will be great.

All right. :) Here she is: Tani

Replying to @Write Like You're Running Out Of Time. Sorry i should have made myself clear and some of the sentences are out of place I am so sorry. What i meant about her backstory is that it could be developed a bit more and that you have the option to give her an interesting and unique backstory. by developing i mean maybe telling us about her childhood and teenage years and what helped to form her view of the world and why she believes what she believes. Talking about why her position means so much was an example and an idea for a question you could ask yourself to develop her further. Maybe her position is important because she wants to make a change in the world or is their some specific reason relating to the plot as to why it means so much to her. Or it could just be that she has worked hard for it and that is all. Ignore what i said about why you chose to include an LGBT+ character.

Replying to @Riorlyne i love Tani and i commented on your other post that there wasn't much that needed to be said by me because you got all the critiques you needed. i saw nothing else really.

Replying to @Write Like You're Running Out Of Time. Sorry i should have made myself clear and some of the sentences are out of place I am so sorry. What i meant about her backstory is that it could be developed a bit more and that you have the option to give her an interesting and unique backstory. by developing i mean maybe telling us about her childhood and teenage years and what helped to form her view of the world and why she believes what she believes. Talking about why her position means so much was an example and an idea for a question you could ask yourself to develop her further. Maybe her position is important because she wants to make a change in the world or is their some specific reason relating to the plot as to why it means so much to her. Or it could just be that she has worked hard for it and that is all. Ignore what i said about why you chose to include an LGBT+ character.

Oh, I see. Thank you!

You're welcome

Could you critique my character Rie? Here's the link; https://1drv.ms/u/s!AjixwaRqQKEHmGzWGujxvM837TTF