forum critiques are cool, right?

Started January 24, 2018 by @FantaPop

tune

yo if anyone could take a look over Damien (and maybe quickshot if you want, but they're not the priority here), that'd be awesome.

Damien and Quickshot are extremely thought out characters and I would genuinely love to read a story about them! I think it's super rad that Quickshot is nonbianary, as that isn't often explored in literature and could be a very unique plot point (hot they use the gender identity to help them progress through the story, etc…). I also really like the detail in Damien's injuries. I think it is very cool to include that he lost the tip of his index finger from an accident, and I think that is definitely something that would subside nicely with an audience- as it is something that might not be super important to the story but could be mentioned in passing and makes the character super memorable. Overall, these characters are fantastically developed and I, personally, would love to see how their story progresses. Well done!

@Ace's Places, thank you!

Also, if anyone wants to take a look at Yannick, please feel free to critique him as well. I'm not super happy with him but I'd like a few other opinions.

Ok I'm gonna try with Yannick so –top down–

So I think the looks page is great, the weight is realistic and the description is clear.
It is a little contradictory that his motivation is to help the people through the temple yet he thinks of them as less than him. People usually try to help others because they feel that they are equals and sympathize with them because of that.
In the background part, I don't really understand why he felt that he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, so that part could be a little clearer.

The character is a little underdeveloped, but other than that he is a really interesting character

@WaffleFries, thanks for the input! I'm a little unsure where you got weight of the world from, as his background mentions the weight of his parents' expectations? But hopefully I did add a bit of clarification there! ^^;