forum Critique this character!

Started July 25, 2018 by @Paperok

tune

One of the huge things that has affected my characters is a list of something that I saw about two years ago (when I started writing seriously). I was looking for ways to improve my writing, and I saw a list of ways to improve characters. And for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what was on that list except one thing: Your characters need ambitions. I'm not even fifteen yet and I know some of the most ambitious people. Here's a short list of some people I know's dream careers: Cardiologist, anesthesiologist, architect, neo-natal nurse, engineer, weapons specialist for the army, cosmetologist, lawyer, mortician, and, of course, me, the writer.

You probably skipped over that list, but my point is that people have ambitions. I don't remember a time where I didn't have ambitions for my future, even if it was ill-guided "I wanna be a doctor!" Your character has her goals but no real ambitions. As I said, I saw this two years ago and it still affects the way I make characters today. I know some of the most amazing people with mental issues who still have ambitions. Mental issues and ambitions aren't mutually exclusive, and I think that it's a really interesting thing how mental issues get in the way of ambitions.

Also, her hobbies seem a little… weird. No teenage girl I know only has three hobbies as vague and non-time-consuming as those.

Her backstory is very interesting and it sounds like a character who could have a really good plot line, but you just need to take the time to develop her more and make her personality more 3D.

I obviously didn't flesh her out enough in the profile if this wasn't obvious so that's something that needs to be fixed. Anyway onto your points; not everyone knows exactly what they want to do with their lives, some people have their lives mapped out even unrealistically like you said others are vague with their "dreams" and don't have the actual ambition needed to dream for those dreams. Jessica, for example, doesn't know what she wants, all she thinks about is the opposite of what she has now. At the current point in her life, she feels just as disappointed in herself as her parents are and all she wants is to be able to feel likes she's achieved something with her life. This plays perfectly into your point about her hobbies, she is literally doing nothing, that's the point she's sitting around letting her life waste away before her eyes. Thanks for the critique, I know what I need to add to make her more understandable and 3D like you said. This was helpful!

Looks really good !

Thank you!

Jessica is kind of skinny for her height especially if she has a round physique, but I do see how it could work if she's more medium-small frame to her body.
I would go more in depth for her mannerisms. What does she do when she's nervous, excited, scared, or anxious? Does she fidget? How does she laugh smile or cry?
Her prejudice needs t be fleshed out more. Being awkward around other girls isn't so much a prejudice as it is a quirk. Prejudices are often fueled by extreme emotion like hatred, scorn, or anger. Prejudices are ugly and often reflect worse sides of people. Don't be afraid to give Jessica a more bitter side.
How does she use her talent of being observant in day to day life? How is it reflected in her actions?
Why is her favorite animal a crow?
Does she have a year for her birthday?
In education you can add what subjects she's strong in and overall if she's a good student
What would she consider a point where she's proud of herself? Does she even know this point yet, or does she just want to feel accomplished?
Was she actually depressed when she was little?
What are some of Jessica's early memories?
How does medication affect Jessica's day-to-day life? Is she still taking medication?
Overall, I really have a good feeling for your character. Hope this helped! Happy writing!

Alright I understand. Thank you. More detail the better gotcha.
She doesn't know what exactly it means. She just wants it.
She was just an oddly quiet girl. She only became legitimately depressed because of the way she was treated by her parents.
And yes she does
So what I take from this is: More detail!!!! I'll hop right to it. Thank you, it was very helpful!