forum Critique These Characters!

Started January 26, 2019 by @SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

tune

I want to have more than one person critique these characters. Please take note that some of them aren't as developed as others. I'm also open to suggestions/ideas for them, if possible. I'll specify what areas that I need help with. It's fine if you don't want to do all of them, but it would be greatly appreciated if you did!

Clownface
Weight, identification markers, mannerisms, motivations, flaws, and prejudices.

George
Identification marks and mannerisms.

Jason
Identification marks and mannerisms.

Levi
Identification marks, outfits/clothing/accessories, mannerisms, flaws, and prejudices

Lumen
Mannerisms, flaws, prejudices, and talents.

Lux
Mannerisms, flaws, prejudices, talents, and hobbies.

William
Mannerisms, flaws, hobbies, and personality.

Zain
Weight, flaws, talents, and hobbies.

Okay so I'm gonna do William for now. Overall, I like your charachter. Its well done. And when you read this, know you're charachter is cool, and I'm not trying to put you down. :) Okayyyy here we go.
-So for mannerisms, are there any things he says often, or any common movements he makes? Like for example, when I am nervous, I tuck or untuck my hair from my behind my ears.
-The flaws are done well. But the only thing I would add is, are there any types of situations he does not deal with well? Like, maybe even something that would contradict his badboy charachter.
-For the personality type, I like it. But, it could be more specific, is he loud? A person with that evil pizzazz? Or the quiet and intimidating?
-For hobbies, it should be more specific. Every needs to have something that lets the vent emotions and energy. Yes, you have done that, but it is one dimensional. Could you add something more surprising or different? Or, be more specific on what sorts of books he reads, or how does he make fun of George? Is he straight up rude, or sarcastic?

Okay, tell me what you like about my advice, and what you'll use. See ya.

First off, congrats on being the first to take a shot at this! *Gives you a mint Oreo brownie.*

I'm glad that you like my demon! Yay! Lol

• I'll have to reread the story and look for more. This is hard for me to do, for I often get caught up in the reading.
• Not sure about situations yet. So far, in story, I don't think he's had any situations that he hasn't dealt well with.
• Hmm. I guess he can be loudmouthed at times, but I have a feeling he's also brooding and intimidating…. Oh look, being loudmouthed also doubles as a flaw! :-)
• He likes to read horror, fantasy, and classics (The Count of Monte Cristo). As for making fun of George, he's often both rude and sarcastic.

Thanks for taking a look at him, and I'll get to adding what you suggested! It was quite helpful! :-)

I'll take a shot at Levi! (Also you might have to tell me how to do that link thing, haha)

-Looks
Specify what shade of brown hair/eyes! I didn't realize it at first but this really does help clear your mental image of him. Plus, as an artist, it helps with consistency lol. When it comes to identifying marks, this could relate to who he is as a person. For instance, being abused as a child, was there ever an injury he suffered that really left a mark? His brother sounds like a pretty shady/violent kid, did Levi live in a bad neighborhood? He might have a few scars from there as well. When it comes to outfits, as a teacher he might wear something formal; a button up, some formal pants and shoes, something like that. However, for his casual outfit, it could really be anything. Being interested in art and literature, he'd have quite the inspired sort of outfits I think. What outfit would he be most comfortable wearing? What outfit represents his personality most? Try breaking down the character of Levi and it might help with his outfit.

-Nature
Mannerisms are such a fun thing to write but also to watch in people. For Levi, he might flinch at sudden movements from other people. Being abused, he might feel like someone raising their hand for a high five was actually about to hit Levi. How does Levi act when he's talking? As a teacher, he'd do a lot of that, so what might his observant students notice in the way he uses gestures or his tone of voice? How does he smile when a student gets a question right? When it comes to flaws, you have to be a little careful. You definitely need to make sure that you have flaws that make Levi make mistakes. Levi can't be clumsy, but otherwise a perfect character. He is depressed, so he'll experience a lot of lack of motivation, emotional struggles, and all the other symptoms of depression. He could also be morally gray, considering his history and his plan to take down the murderer. For prejudices, it could honestly be anything from racism/homophobia to a prejudice against a certain student because he said something smartass at him. Maybe he can sense when a mother is abusive and has a general dislike towards her.

Hope I helped!

Yes, that is indeed helpful! You even pointed out things that I didn't even really consider for some reason!

I'll use Levi as an example to show you how to do the link. Let's say you want to create a link to Levi. You would type:
[Levi](https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/384854)

Aye, glad I could help! Also amazing, thank you!