forum Critique please????
Started by @Natasha
tune

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@getroastytoastymrmcghosty

This'll be my first critique, so sorry if it isn't the best! So she seems like a really solid character and I quite enjoy her.
-Who calls her Sunshine? All of her friends? Just her best friend?
-I appreciate that you describe how long her hair is but what style is it? Is it curly? Is it slightly wavy?
-So is humming while thinking her only little mannerism quirk? Does she erratically tap her foot? What does she do when she's pissed? Irritated? Scared?
-(This one's just more about my curiosity) There are many branches of Christianity, so which one is she? Is she Methodist? Catholic? Presbyterian?
-Her background is a little vague. Where are her parents? Where were the three of them going? Why were they with their uncle rather than their parents? Or was he a passenger as well?
-Okay, wait, wait. So her brother was 14 and on a varsity team? If she's a senior in high school, she'd be in eighth grade when they were both 14. (Right? Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm just like super curious again.) And the jacket from middle school still fits? Did she grow? I'm sorry, that was insensitive, but imma keep it because I'm curious.
-How did she get her powers? Is it like the Incredibles and she naturally was born with her powers? Or like the Hulk and she got them from some unnatural way?
-What about water can she control? Can she just control its movement? Or can she also control the state that it's in? That'd be super cool, but remember you have to have limits with supernatural powers. Also, is it like an Avatar trope and she can control what water is in? Like the blood in people? And what's her weakness? What can she not beat?
I think that's all I have for her, but I'm super excited for when you post her outfit, because I am a sucker for brilliant clothes. Well, good luck with your writing! I would so read the book you're making with Luna.

@Natasha

I will fix all of this as soon as I can. Thanks for the input!! And maybe you can critique my other characters from the book she is in. I only have one other currently, but I will do more soon. For now, here is her best friend. Tessa Amya Stone

@Lynnnnn

When you say Jemma's prejudice is super rich people, what do you mean? Does she hat rich people? Does she think rich people are better than everyone else? I like her personality btw.

@Natasha

Thanks! And yeah, she hates that a lot of super rich people act like they're better than everyone else. I'll fix that.

@getroastytoastymrmcghosty

So for Jemma, a bit of the same things.
-Who calls her Jem?
-For her motivations, what about those people? Does she loathe them (I know she's Isa's best friend but it's an example) and she's a hero so that no one else is rude (or something) like them? Or does she love them and wants the best world for them?
-Is she hilarious on purpose or is it because she's a klutz? Or..?
-Same thing with the religion. Which one? I'm really curious. Oh! Do they go to the same church or? I'm just really really curious.
-Same thing with the powers, how did she get them?
-Her background is kinda vague.
-I'm curious again. So why does she like animals/dogs (mostly animals, I'm wondering) so much?
Yeah, I think that's all! If you ever release a book on like Wattpad or something, I'll definitely read it.

@Natasha

Okay, so, I will try to fix everything as best I can, but I don't know how to explain which branch of Chrisianity.

@getroastytoastymrmcghosty

It's all good. Just say what she believes in then. Like my friend believes that there are truly three persons in one God or if she just thinks there's a God with a big ol plan.

@Natasha

……………………………………………You're confusing me? A little? To explain what they believe in, like me, would take FOREVER. Like I could literally talk about why I believe in God for weeks and still just barely scratch the surface.