forum critique please?

Started February 13, 2020 by @moss

tune

I would really apreaciate it if anyone critiqued my character

I'll give it a shot!
So for his hair and eye color, be more specific! There's too many shades of colors to just say "Gray" or "brown!" Maybe his hair is Chestnut or Auburn. Maybe his eyes are silver or steel! Its important to be as specific as possible to help you and the viewer know exactly how you picture your character! Another thing I noticed, he is a bit under weight, and by a bit I mean quite a bit, the healthy, average weight for someone his height would be more around 145-175 lbs! Not sure if thats on purpose but just thought I would let you know!
Alright, now onto the rest of his profile!
Hes got to have more talents than just one! Talents don't always have to be a skill, they can be something simple like "can ride a bike with no hands" or "always rolls sixes when rolling dice". And I think those types of talents are even better than bigger ones because they give your character… well, character!
Explain why his favorites are his favorites! Whats so cool about snakes to him, why does he like purple so much?
His background is very bare, this is where you explain their life up to a certain point! Where was he born? What was his family like? How was he in school? Did he have lots of friends? What major points in his life effected the way he is now? Go in depth! Thats what it's there for! For you to explain and put as much detail as you can/want!
Anyways, thats about as much as I've got for now! Good luck!

Okay, I really like where you're going with Nicholas! He's very believable and nothing you wrote was too contradictory or contrived. He has a very realistic mindset and motivation for a 16 year old, and I think you did a good job incorporating this motivation into his personality, and while I think you could still flesh out his personality a bit more (right now it's a little too dependent on his self-consciousness and desire to fit in) you're on the right track with it! Again, everything you have laid out about his nature feels organic and true to how a pubescent boy would go about his life, so good work on that!
His hobbies seemed a bit scattered to me, like they didn't really have a connection to his background. None of them are bad and I'm not here to tell you what your character enjoys, but maybe try to find a way to show how these hobbies affect his social life or how they came to be. Why does he enjoy thrifting so much? Did that arise from necessity or pleasure? What's the atmosphere like when he's doing Julia's make up? Is this when he has deep conversations and they work through things together or is it just a fun ting they like to do together? This one, especially, contradicts his "edgy guy" front, and that could be explored and worked into something really interesting!
The only other thing that I could see issue with was the occupation section. If he comes from a rich background, why does he work odd jobs at 16? Again, is this more of a way to connect with Thomas or is it for a reason more personal to him?
Ultimately, I think you have created a very strong base for Nicholas to be worked into a potentially awesome character! Just work on refining some of the details and working through the "why's" a bit more. Keep it up! :)

Thanks a lot! Your critiques were really helpful and I've already started making changes since I read them.