forum Critique Needed

Started February 21, 2018 by @wake-read-eat-sleep

tune

My character, Petre-Holea Gussteff, is my first irregular character, so I need to know if she's realistic enough, or if there are things I need to change.

Hi, so far Petree is looking pretty good but there are a few sections I think you could improve on:

1) Prejudices: When she's pretending she's not actually displaying a prejudice, she's just acting. (Her prejudice could be that she assumes everyone is gullible and will always fall for her tricks). For the hating everyone part, elaborate more (does she believe people are inherently selfish, cruel, etc? Does she assume people in certain jobs, social classes, etc. act a certain way that she doesn't like?)

2) Personality Type: What you've written doesn't really describe her personality but you can use what you've written to flesh out her personality. She is deceptive, because she pretends to be sweet. She helps people but expects something in return which could mean she is selfish or stubborn. Also think about if she is cautious or impulsive, childish or mature, etc.

3) Flaws: How is being too tom-boyish and determined a flaw? These are perfectly valid flaws as long as you think logically about how they affect her. Maybe people look down on her for her tomboyishness and that creates an obstacle for her. Maybe she gets her mind set on something and will stop at nothing to get what she wants and she gets in trouble a lot because of it, or doesn't always think things through properly. I think you should also add self-centeredness to your list of flaws because she seems to display a bit of this in your other descriptions (naming her dog after herself, being nice and expecting favors in return, running away to prove she's not a pawn).

Here are some other notes on things I noticed:

1) I love how you describe her religious beliefs. You should apply this same line of thinking other categories to flesh her out more. I feel like Petree's describing herself here and she has a very distinct and fun voice.

2) I also love how you describe her level of education. You might want to think about how that affects her intelligence. Does she have a poor understanding of things like geography or high level math because she didn't learn it in school? It's much more interesting if there are things she is ignorant or clueless about, especially if you place her in a situation that requires a skill set she doesn't have.

3) Why does she call people "dumpster material" and frown at inanimate objects? Even if you never explain these things in the story you should know the reason because it helps you know your character better and makes her more realistic.

4) How did she get her scar, and what does she think of it? Again, you don't actually need to explain these things to readers but you should come up with an answer. Heck write the scene of how she got it, even if that scene never makes it into your story/novel.

5) I was a bit confused about what king she was stealing from and if the story takes place in our world (Germany and Russia clearly exist) or if this is a fantasy version of the world that uses the same place names. You don't have to elaborate in Petree's profile if you don't want to but make sure you do in your world building.

Thank you so, so, so, SO MUCH!
I will definitely add all of those to my character description! That was very helpful, thanks!

Okay, I updated her the way you said. Maybe check her out again. She should be a bit better than before!