forum Critique My Villan Please?
Started by @darling-velocipede group
tune

people_alt 2 followers

barabara

First off, for Miri's mannerisms, it would be really great if you added a few. Mannerisms are one of the ways you can describe how your character interacts with the outside world. For starters, you can describe how they walk, talk, what they do when they lie, when they smile, they're keeping a secret. There are so many mannerisms and I really think that they can add to your character. You're motivations are good, but they would be better if you expanded on them. What would she do to get those things? How would they interfere with other people? Her flaws pretty much capture the classic "bad guy" narrative. You could change it up by adding some of her fears. Maybe she's afraid of losing her wealth or beauty and it haunts her every waking moment. Maybe it drives her to paranoia. When you say her prejudices, which are pretty good, you can also explain why she's prejudiced against them. Once you expand on that hatred, it will become more integrated into her character. Her talents are looking good, I really like the actress twist you put on her as a villain. The only thing you could add would be to say how some of her weaknesses connect with her strengths to make her stronger. For example, if you were writing a gullible character, you might say that the character is also kind because of they're gullible. For you're character you could say her lack of empathy adds to her acting strength. Her hobbies are unique, but I would explain the horseback riding one a little more. How does it relate to her character or her background. Why does she do it ad why does she enjoy it? For her personality, you need to add a lot onto the "cunning and ruthless". Especially for a villain, it's important that she's first and foremost, human. No matter how much she lacks empathy, she still feels some emotions and how she feels them is an important part of her personality. Is she an introvert or an extrovert? Does she get anxious, surprised, or excited? How does she feel basic emotion? How does she express herself? For her religion, it would be good to explain how she developed her beliefs as an atheist. Her stance on politics is good, I don't rally think you need to add anything here. For her occupation it might be good to explain how she got her job and why she enjoys it. You could also explain previous jobs. Her favorites are explained well and thought out which is good. For her favorite possession, it would make her a lot more appealing if she had an object that was special to her, something they could connect with. For her favorite weapon try and go into more depth with how she trained with the weapons and learned to use them. For all of her favorites I would explain how they connect with her specifically, but they are very unique so good job. When you say her education go more into depth on how she developed her acting skill, you say she's self-taught, but what inspired her? As for her background you could go into a lot more detail about what inspired her to become a villain, what made her so corrupt, how did she act when she was little? I like her pet horse, but when did she meet her pet? I honestly think your character has a lot of promise!

@MrBudD3r

A) It's amazing!!!!!!
B) Definitely add some mannerisms and make her have a moral weakness: she doesn't know how people can stand to work with others there for she can't last very long if enemies work together to take her down.