forum Critique My Villainous Boy

Started July 03, 2020 by @Blossom_Utonium

tune

He’s still a bit of a WIP but I’d love some people to give me some critiques. I’m especially concerned about making him someone that readers can see a bit of themselves in.

@Blossom_Utonium
First things first; LOVE the name. I really like how you can get a glimpse at who this guy is just based on his name. You've added a lot of depth to who he is as a person from his motivations, flaws, mannerisms and fears. One thing that you could maybe improve on; but this might just be because he's a work in progress; is how he interacts with other characters. What I'm getting is how he wants to kill Lace, who I'm assuming is the protag. of the story, but I think it would help people to understand the traits that you've given him to see how he interacts with his underlings, and how he thinks about his parents.
Also, as a Set It Off fan, I can really visualize some of his traits that really make him more of a sympathetic villain, and I am always a sucker for a sympathetic villain. Let me know if there's anything specific you want advice on. I'm always down for helping others and procrastinating writing my own story.
Thanks!
TheWeirdFangirl

So the first question i have is why did he attempt to kill himself? I assume it has something to do with the amount of deaths in his family.
Next is that if he is morally lawless and doesn't really see most people as people, then why does he want the war to end, since it likely isn't to keep his soldiers or people safe? is it to save money? or because he's just sick of the responsibility?
And this one is just a confusion thing because maybe i don't have all the context, but if he's attracted to Lace, and i believe the word love was used, why does he want to kill her? is it her family name?

Other than that, the concept for this character is really good and i'd love to see more of this story !