forum Critique my two MCs?
Started by @AJ
tune

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Hi! First off, I think your characters are very inventive and a twist on what people normally see. For Heather Lewis, right off the bat, I like that her traits and tendencies harmonize well, as seen with the nice combination of autophobia and hoarding disorder/kleptomania. To go along with this, you've made her forgettable, but at the same time, distinct. In terms of things that can be improved upon, when Heather was caught multiple times by the schools, how, exactly? Did someone snitch on her, or was she just sloppy? It's made clear that she's talented at stealing things, so is there some reason for her failures? You've stated that Heather has social anxiety, so maybe this is the case. Last, it is said that Heather has a hoarding disorder, yet she is also organized and a perfectionist. I think these things would blend a little better if, for example, her room is cluttered with so much stuff but everything is in a pleasing place.

Next, for "Crazy" Jane Murphy. She seems to quite unorthodox and a little all over the place, hence her name. This complements her appearance. I like her backstory and the obvious focus on her and not anybody else, as it shows that Jane is all about loud, chaotic and fun. However, personally, I think that she's a little too chaotic. She is a very fleshed out character and has many redeemable-but-still-psycho qualities, however, it seems as though there is also a hint of intimidation that should be explored more. In a character, there should always be a watered-down version of an 'opposites attract' mentality. For instance, Jane Murphy is loud and had ADHD, however, there should be times where nothing sticks and she can't do anything, no matter how much it creases her. There should be time to recharge so she can bounce back crazier than ever.

Overall, I think your characters are absolutely wonderful! They're distinct and beautifully realistic. Good job!