forum Critique my insane boi

Started February 10, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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Here's my character: Invalid Character

so uh,,,
how is he insane exactly?

He's pretty cool

I think you should add some more mannerisms and flaws. You could also expand on his personaliy. For his education, you said they know everything but you should explain how. Is he born knowing everything? Did he develop this power later on? I think overall, you did pretty good, you just need to give them more detail.

He needs more flaws, for sure. “Insane” isn’t a personality trait as much as it’s a sort of mental health term, and it’s listed 6 times in various personality places. How is he insane? Is he mentally ill, or is this just a way for you to say that the character is unhinged and uncaring? When your only two personality traits are ‘insane’ and ‘manipulative’, that really scraps the opportunity to play on your character’s weaknesses and strengths, and it doesn’t give us an amazing look at what they’re like internally.

His appearance is good, but it could use some clarification. What texture is his hair? How is his voice persuasive, and what does it mean for it to be persuasive in an insane way? As for his stats- he seems overpowered. He doesn’t feel like he has any weaknesses, barely any flaws that could inhibit him.

Overall, I think he’s a fine character, but he needs to be fleshed out some more.

so uh,,,
how is he insane exactly?

He's insane because he broke (metaphorically) and lost his sanity

He needs more flaws, for sure. “Insane” isn’t a personality trait as much as it’s a sort of mental health term, and it’s listed 6 times in various personality places. How is he insane? Is he mentally ill, or is this just a way for you to say that the character is unhinged and uncaring? When your only two personality traits are ‘insane’ and ‘manipulative’, that really scraps the opportunity to play on your character’s weaknesses and strengths, and it doesn’t give us an amazing look at what they’re like internally.

His appearance is good, but it could use some clarification. What texture is his hair? How is his voice persuasive, and what does it mean for it to be persuasive in an insane way? As for his stats- he seems overpowered. He doesn’t feel like he has any weaknesses, barely any flaws that could inhibit him.

Overall, I think he’s a fine character, but he needs to be fleshed out some more.

1: He's a mix of both, actually. 2: He's meant to be overpowered. That's the point. His voice is persuasive, and he uses that to his twisted means.
He's a discount Bill Cipher.

I think you should add some more mannerisms and flaws. You could also expand on his personaliy. For his education, you said they know everything but you should explain how. Is he born knowing everything? Did he develop this power later on? I think overall, you did pretty good, you just need to give them more detail.

He was created that way.

so uh,,,
how is he insane exactly?

He's insane because he broke (metaphorically) and lost his sanity

"lost his sanity" is just a fancy way of saying he's insane and doesn't really describe anything

He was imprisoned by god in a different dimesion, it was basically solitary confinement for Vozreal, and you know how people go insane when
Alone for large periods of time?

how did he escape? was he freed by God? did someone else free him?

He was freed by someone from our dimension

more "summoned" than anything

Here ya go

• What was his life like before God imprisoned him? And how was it like after he was "summoned"?
  Go more in-depth his background.

• You say he's persuasive and insane which both contradict each other since you mention that his insanity causes him to be out-of-touch with reality. It's really hard to be convincing and persuasive when you're out-of-touch.

• I may be nitpicking, but you re-mention his crimson eyes in the "identifying marks" section. Instead, try describing them more in the "eye color" section and find something else to put as his identifying mark(s).

• Describe his tuxedo a little more?

• Yeah his motivation is destroying God and Satan, but why? You make it seem like he wants to unleash chaos because he's insane, but mention he became insane after he was imprisoned. So what was his reasoning?

• "Destroys the order of any one thing and causes chaos" What does that mean? It seems interesting.

• I'm gonna be kind of blunt here, but "overpowered" gives me no idea as to how powerful Vozreal is. What are some things he done to prove how powerful he is? Maybe try being a little more indirect about describing his power level.

• Does his "Create" power have any limitations or cool-downs?

• "Lightly Muscled" could mean a lot. When reading character sheets (and just in any writing) it's really good when a reader can see the character they're reading. Try describing things like shoulders, hands, arms, legs, neck, etc.

• You mention that he's insane a lot. Maybe instead of mentioning it in every place you can, pick one or two places to go in-depth and explain how it effects his day-to-day life. How do the people around him view his insanity? What's it like overall because there are a lot of different kind of insanity.

• Go in-depth with Vozreal's mannerisms

Overall Vozreal seems to have potential but I think you should take some time to fill out his character sheet a little more. Good work!

-Davis

GUYS, LET ME REPEAT: VOZREAL IS A DISCOUNT BILL CIPHER

Excuse my bluntness, but saying your character is basically someone else's is poor writing. Take time to make something of your own and don't ask people to critique your character if you're just gonna reply to everyone with the same thing. Either take advice or don't ask for it.

I'll get to work on my character

I feel like I'm a little late to this discussion but oh well here's some ideas I have :)

• like pretty much everyone else said go more in depth about him being insane… cause technically insane isn't a personality trait it's a metal problem, so idk if this is just your way of wording it and it may make total sense to you but when I was reading your character profile I just found myself thinking "ok, he's insane, but why?" again this may just be your writing style and I have total respect for that but I would really suggest giving him more flaws. The easy way to do this is just asking yourself questions like why is he insane? What made him like this? Did he have some kind of rough childhood? This is just my opinion but if you ever find yourself answering any of those questions with "he just is" or "he's just always been insane" then as a reader this character is going to seem really boring. Add depth and find a way that readers can see the reason he does things and a way they can relate to him.

• My second suggestion would be to give him physical flaws and weaknesses. This really stood out to me when I was reading about his magical abilities because it just seems like he is all powerful and nothing can stop him. And although that may seem like a cool character just from the description, when you try and write around this you'll just find it difficult because either you use his power that no one can stop and the plot can't advance from that, or you just never use his powers because you don't want to fall into that hole. This applies to a lot of the other parts of his character as well, if you write him as so powerful that he can't be stopped, then you won't be able to actually write him into a story.

• My third point is that I noticed you comparing him to Bill Cypher which I love. But I would definitely recommend staying away from comparisons because you'll find yourself making him exactly like Bill instead of an original character. Trust me I've been there, I based one of my characters heavily off a Harry Potter character, then when I went to write the story I realized I couldn't because I was using my interpretation of Hermione and not an actually original character that I could do whatever I wanted with. But again this is just a suggestion, its totally fine to see the parallels but instead of saying "he's a discount Bill Cypher" try looking at it like "They have some similarities, but instead of basing my character off of Bill, I'm going to use Bill as an example and do specific things totally different then go from there." Idk if that made any sense but yeah. I also just want to point out that if you are comparing him to Bill, then make sure to notice how Bill has flaws and weaknesses no matter how small they are, and that's what makes gravity falls so interesting because you never no what weakness they're going to find in order to defeat him.

• My last point is a simple one but just try and go overboard. It's much better to have every single backstory of everyone on your characters family tree then to just know his mom and dad's names. Don't be afraid to add anything even if it really won't add anything to the story, the more you have to choose and work off of, the better.

I hoped this helped :)