forum Critique my girlie?
Started by @CWPoofToxicRush
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@CWPoofToxicRush

First of all, context/plot:
A young Gothic teenage girl learns she has power over darkness and shadows, and tries to become a superhero. This is the story of her trying to fight crime, and live her civilian life as she has to surmount misconceptions, earn other heroes' trust, and deal with her own mental issues.
Character:
Name: Esmeray Adams
Hero Name: Filia Noctis
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Looks:

Civilian Outfit:

Hero Outfit: A black suit, with a purple mask and black boots
Personality: Rebellious, shy, quiet, intelligent, sassy, existential, cold, quite sweet when you get to know her
Power(s): Can summon, control, and create shadows and darkness
Sexuality: Bisexual
Facts:
Is dyslexic
When her ear buds are in, there are 3 things she might be doing
-Listening to music
-Listening to an audio book
-Trying to keep people from talking to her
Has mild social anxiety. She can manage it, but sometimes slips away when she feels it getting too much
She also has general anxiety, and is prone to panic attacks
She tend to stutter a lot
Also clumsy
She is terrible at keeping organized
How many times do you think her badass moment was ruined because she stuttered or tripped? Way more than whatever number you thought of
She honestly just a mess in general but she’s trying
Very good liar actually
She stutters so much normally no one questions it
A lot of late nights fighting crime and doing homework so she has learned to function on little to no sleep
Lives on coffee
Very loyal when she cares about you, but that also means she takes whatever you say to heart
A really softie in all reality
Really good with kids

Deleted user

I just wanted to say that Filia Noctis is a clever name. I use Latin in my story, too.

@Yamatsu

Overall, a very good character description. However, I was wondering on some of her "hero" aspects:

What made her want to become a hero?
Does she mostly engage in conversation when working, or do her impediments and anxiety mean she is quiet?
How is she rebellious yet shy? Wouldn't shyness prevent her from trying to stand out? Coupled with her anxiety, I feel that it's a strange combination to say the least.
Has she had panic attacks on the job? What happened during those times?
Does she have a family? Do they like Addams Family jokes, or have they gotten old?
Who does she fight? Does she try to subdue or go for the kill?
Any friends? Any relationships? How have they gone?
Does anyone know about her sexuality?
How'd she come up with her hero outfit? Did she stick with the motif on purpose, was it in her closet, was the bright blue and green suit out of stock that day?
What kinds of music and books does she listen to?
How did she become so good at lying?
How did she become so good with kids?
What kind of coffee does she drink? How does she usually take it (cream, sugar, etc.)?
What keeps her as a hero despite her general suffering in terms of grades and her sleep cycle?
What's her standard loadout when on the job?
Can she do anything especially fancy with her shadow manipulation?

@CWPoofToxicRush

Overall, a very good character description. However, I was wondering on some of her "hero" aspects:

What made her want to become a hero?
Does she mostly engage in conversation when working, or do her impediments and anxiety mean she is quiet?
How is she rebellious yet shy? Wouldn't shyness prevent her from trying to stand out? Coupled with her anxiety, I feel that it's a strange combination to say the least.
Has she had panic attacks on the job? What happened during those times?
Does she have a family? Do they like Addams Family jokes, or have they gotten old?
Who does she fight? Does she try to subdue or go for the kill?
Any friends? Any relationships? How have they gone?
Does anyone know about her sexuality?
How'd she come up with her hero outfit? Did she stick with the motif on purpose, was it in her closet, was the bright blue and green suit out of stock that day?
What kinds of music and books does she listen to?
How did she become so good at lying?
How did she become so good with kids?
What kind of coffee does she drink? How does she usually take it (cream, sugar, etc.)?
What keeps her as a hero despite her general suffering in terms of grades and her sleep cycle?
What's her standard loadout when on the job?
Can she do anything especially fancy with her shadow manipulation?

Okay so:
She mainly became a hero because she used to love comic books growing up, and like every kid, had that "I wanna be a hero when I grow up" phase, so she just jumped at the chance
She generally tends to stay quiet, but when she feels the need to say something, is asked a question, or you just said something really stupid, she will participate.
She tends to be more rebellious in action (the do the opposite of what you say type), and general disregard for some peoples standers and/or expectations
She has had quite a few in the beginning, but another aspect of the story is her trying to get better at managing it
Yes, a mom and dad, although they are more on the minor character side (And they love the Adams family jokes)
If she can subdue with out risking others, she always goes for that. She fights with the Wonder Woman quote "Don’t kill if you can wound, don’t wound if you can subdue, don’t subdue if you can pacify, and don’t raise your hand at all until you’ve first extended it." in mind
She has a few childhood friends she stays close too, but they have they're own groups in school, and by school she's tired from the night before. However, she's never dated anyone. She also later on develops a more sibling like relationship with another character in the story
Her parents and childhood friends know, but they are the only ones
She chose the motif on purpose, and used the cosplay fabrics from Joanne's around Halloween and a few little things she bought online
She tends to listen to more punk/emo/gothic music, and books depends on her mood. It is most likely, though, to find her listening to poetry collections, fantasy novels, or mysteries
She stutters when A) Her anxiety decides to kick in, B) She doesn't know you well or C) When she's lying. Since not a lot of people are sure which it is at the moment, only the people close to her really pick up on her lying
She has some really clingy and impulsive younger cousins
Her coffee is honestly probably 70% creamer and sugar, but she puts it in a closed cup so she can say it's black and she doesn't share coffee (Think Joey from Friends with his food)
She stays a hero because She feels it's worth it if she's helping people, and she wants to prove to anyone who thinks she's really a villain wrong
It depends on how much she wants to risk exerting herself: If she wanted to make some shadows in a solid form, she could, but only for a short while before she risks passing out. She can easily keep them on her if she wanted, as long as they are normal (She went through a phase where she had some around her hands so they looked like gloves, but stopped when people remarked that it sometimes looked like her pen was going through them)