I have her pretty fleshed out, but I feel like she might be lacking something (Of course, I'm her creator so it's probably just me being an over thinker (Again)). Also, I'm curious how you think your characters would interact with her. You don't have to tell me, it's optional.
Looks:
-Seeing as she's 6'1" and broad-shouldered, Ellen's pretty underweight. I would recommend adding about 10-20 pounds.
-Good description overall, I can picture her well.
Nature:
-Great mannerisms; you could add a bit more, but what you have is good.
-From her flaws and personality description, I'm getting kind of a broody/distant/negative vibe. It seems that she only shows negative emotions when with most people (for example, she has a temper and mouths off to people but is still distant). Let her laugh as easily as she gets mad; have her develop lighthearted relationships with coworkers. She doesn't have to share her deepest emotions, but a character that's hardcore and angry all the time is harder to relate to.
-She doesn't like people who are extremely dependent but will defend the helpless? What exactly is the difference between the two in her mind?
-Quick question, is she competitive? She seems like she would be, but I could also see her really not caring whether she wins or loses a trivial game.
-I like that she's artistic and likes to read, stargaze, and play sports; this shows that she's a well-rounded person and an actual human being. I love characters that are actually like human beings.
Social:
-Her best friends have the same last name; are these siblings, cousins or other relatives? Up until this point it seemed that it was just Ellen and her mother, does she feel as strongly about taking care of the rest of her family?
-When you decide on a religion, think of how it affects her personality/outlook on life.
-She should have some sort of opinion on politics, especially given that she seems like an opinionated person in general. Since she hates the rich, she would probably be more liberal. I'm not familiar with the universe she lives in; I'm getting a dystopian/sci-fi vibe so there might not be a political side equivalent to "liberal/democrat", but there has to be something government-related she feels passionately about.
-She works as a technician but is only average at hacking? What kind of tech does she specialize in?
-You may already be doing this but remember to think about why she likes her favorite things and what this says about her as a person.
History:
-No year for her birthday; I guess you're still deciding on the exact time the story takes place (that's totally fine).
-What/how much did she teach herself? What's her reading level? Did she teach herself how to hack and fix things? Did she have any sort of teacher at all, ever?
-Probably the only really major thing: you NEED a detailed backstory. I have so many questions about her past. If she grew up in a better off area, wouldn't she have gotten a decent education? Why does she hate the rich? How did she end up with her current situation (job/home/family)? Why is she so willing to help others? What in her upbringing influenced her personality? You don't need to tell me/the reader everything but make sure you know yourself.
Clothing:
-I like the thought you put into this.
Extra:
-Good extra character development stuff; I would recommend adding stuff like dreams, fears, a quote/philosophy to live by, etc.
Ellen seems like an intriguing, well-developed character; good job!
Okay! Thank you! I haven't fully developed her friends, so that why Grace and Olivia are the only ones up there! Same goes with the backstory elements. Thank you for pointing things out! I hadn't realized some things kind of clash!
(Now that I take a look at her again, I think my problem is I have a hard time organizing ideas…)
Yeah, I struggle a bit with organization too (it's weird; I'm better at editing other people's work than I am at creating my own). If you've put the thought into your character, which I see you have, then most minor things will work themselves out as you're writing. Good luck with your story!
Thanks!
Hi, it's me again. I'm the one from the other thread. I'll just put some insight on my views on qwertyuiop's comments, which I mostly agree on, and complement my own from the other post.
Honestly, I'm not familiar with the American metric system, but when it comes to personality I do get her. I do see why, in her more casual relationships, she comes off as difficult, seeing that she loves to fight. Making her laugh easily is good advice, I do that myself a lot when I'm around people I'm not close to (co-workers, people I've just met, etc.) and don't want to appear as rude or moody. Maybe giving her few friends where she works, to whom she actually talks to more freely, they don't need to be really close, but it could help you with showing that she's not as angsty and rude as she appears to most people and that she can actually relate to other human beings that aren't family. (I saw a Ruby Jorges there)
As to the part where "She doesn't like people who are extremely dependent but will defend the helpless", I think this could work, but you have to clearly define her principles, for example, linning it up a bit with the part that says that she hates rich kids, you could go by stating that she hates people that's dependant on the money, or their parents' political connections, or their family's prestigious name, but that never actually solve problems for themselves, against defending the kids that have to put up with bullying, or deal with some kind of abuse, or are marginalized and discriminated against.
And this goes for everything she believes. With opinionated people, you have to thoroughly define what they stand for and what they're up against and whether if it's backed up by research or proof, or if it's just misinformed and cultural prejudice. Also, I think is important to note that making her opinionated doesn't necessarily mean that she has an opinion about everything, there are matters of greater importance for some people and matters they've never stopped to think about.
Do define how her competitiveness works, like, in which aspects is she competitive, in which she low-key minds and in which she couldn't care less. You said she doesn't mind about trivial games, but what is trivial to her?
With the social parts, I already talked about some part of it in the other post. As to religion, I do feel that it would be quite important for her since she has strong beliefs, even if she is an atheist or an agnostic.
And about the history part, yes to everything qwertyuiop said. Backstory. Important.
Clashing traits. In some characters, it is interesting to see it at play, but it has to be very well written; under what circumstances is she certain way or believes certain things, and under what others does she behave differently. You need to be careful not to fall into a contradiction or inconsistencies. I don't think you have that problem though, it's just a matter of polishing her principles.
Still, love her, very ISTP relatable. Good job :)
Okay! Thank you! I will be sure to go through her bio with a fine tooth comb!