forum Critique my girl?

Started April 20, 2020 by @Ok_Kaii group

tune

Thank you so much for any feedback you give!

GIVE. HER. SOME. FLAWS!! I get that maybe you were attempting that with the whole mask she puts up but you immediately contradict that with the whole “but she actually has a great personality!!!!” thing. You can make your main character a little unlikable.
Everything you have written for her pretty much makes her “perfect” and not just in the Barbie popular girl way. She has no flaws, her only prejudice is very quickly dismantled (this could be good conflict if you let it drag out), her “real” friends have no conflict with her being fake around others, and she’s basically the person everyone wants to be.
Do you see where I’m going? She’s very much a Mary Sue at the moment, but this is easily changeable. Just make her a little less sympathetic and more real. Fake girls aren’t always fake for clout (maybe this can be a condition; you didn’t give her any, so you have room to work with that. Maybe this is the result of social anxiety or some sort of internalized issue). It’s okay to have a fake character as your protagonist, but realize that that automatically is a character flaw and should be treated as such. Also realize that this may turn her off to your audience and that’s okay too. Use that to your advantage to give her a strong character arc where she either learns to not be fake or that it’s not worth it to have superficial friends, don’t just play that off as a quirky character trait and try to justify it by saying that it’s okay because she “has a big heart on the inside”.
Also I know you were half-joking when you put “sex” as a talent, but… why not? That can be an interesting flaw and can illustrate the nature behind her fake-ness.
Aside from all of that. I like where you are taking her and I can clearly see your intentions behind her personality. Just make sure that your readers can see that, too. ((I also really like that you included an aesthetic board! It’s a really thoughtful touch for an aesthetically-driven character like Stella!))

Hey! I took a look at Stella, and she’s really well developed. I can tell that she’s been in your head for a long time. I have a couple of suggestions for you, mostly just to add more detail.

• Overview: Nice! Nothing to say here.
• Looks: Love it! If you wanted to, you could add more to how she styles her hair. Does she keep it down or up? Ponytail? Braid? Bun? Half-up?
• Nature: Wow, you wrote a LOT here. I loved the Hobbies. So she has a lot of plants? What kinds of plants does she have? You mentioned that she posts lots on Instagram and has tons of followers. Do her friends follow her as well? Do they know she has an Instagram account? Do people ever leave mean comments? Or is she well respected on social media?
  You also mentioned a lot of peer pressure for dying her hair and drugs. Are people pressuring her through social media as well? Other than that, this section is good to go!
• Social: I love the connection you made with her and chameleons. I also see why she really likes having her own car! Maybe you could talk about her car more. What colour is it? What brand? What does she keep in it? Does the car have any flaws? Like scratches, dents, stains? She seems like an adventurous person. You mentioned that she does donuts in parking lots often, so I’d imagine that her car would be a little bit damaged.
  You said that she doesn’t have a job. Does she want a job? Maybe a summertime job, or something like that? Being a lifeguard, babysitting, you know? Or maybe she doesn’t want a job at the moment, but what does she plan to do later on in life?
• Background: This is good, not much to say here! You don’t have a birthday yet. I mean, this might just be me, but I think she’s kind of an October-y person. I don’t know, it’s just a suggestion!
• Relationships: Pretty good! I was just a little bit confused when you said that her and her parents talk easily between themselves, but somewhere you said that her parents often yell at her? Also, maybe you could say which jobs her parents have. Do they both work full-time? Does one work half-time?
• Inventory: All good!
• Gallery: Great! The picture really suits her description!

I hope this helped! This is actually the first time I’ve ever critiqued a character, so I really hope this is good. I think this character is great! Have a good day! :)