forum Critique my edgy gurl

Started May 05, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

Edit topic

Rachel: Invalid Character

if i may? full disclaimer: i may come off as detached or cold, but that's simply me analyzing and not an accurate representation about how i feel about your character.

-

overview:
fine

story:
fine

looks:
hair style - her hair is described as both "straight" and "wavy", when it should only be one at a time.

facial structure - "slightly masculine" could mean pretty much anything. elaboration would be useful when envisioning the character!

outfits:
fine

health:
mental - in terms of mental health, it may benefit you to classify her "mental scars" as PTSD.

social:
fine

nature:
this section in general seems to be a little bare. most of what i gathered is that she hates men (which is understandable after what she's been through), but I'm not picking up much personality-wise. you said she's an ENTJ, but that doesn't speak much for her. fleshing out these aspects could add a lot of depth to her character!

history:
fine

family:
fine

relationships:
fine

magical abilities:
fine

stats
fine

-

on a broad sweep, everything is fine and makes sense. in more specific areas, however, it may be a good idea to spend some time elaborating on specific details.

also, in the future when asking to have someone critique a character with a history such as rachel's, it would be a good idea to warn anyone of potential triggers, just in case. i don't have any, but there may be people on here who do!

overall, i'd be interested in seeing excerpts of rachel in your story if you posted them on notebook!