forum Critique My Demons?
Started by @Lightningclaw13 group
tune

people_alt 2 followers

barabara

I'm only going to do Kaden but it will be a thorough critique.
Even if he doesn't have a beard you could still describe eyebrows in facial hair
For their body type you could more in depth. What does the rest of their body look like?
For mannerisms what does he o when he's nervous or surprised or scared? How does he laugh or smile?
Elaborate on his motivation a bit more I think its good, but it could be better when explained
Why does he have the flaws he has?
Why doesn't he hate Talia?
Give him hobbies that just involve himself. Does he like to read, paint, or maybe play music? This will make him more realistic
Elaborate on his personality type. How does he express emotion? How is different from every other person who has those same traits?
Explain everything in the social category why does he like what he likes?
What subjects are he good at? What subjects does he dislike?
would he want to have a pet?
Overall Kaden is a really great character! I hope this helped! If yo want me to do another character of yours I will. Happy writing!

@Lightningclaw13 group

@barabara
Ok, I went back and described his (and all of my other characters) eyebrows. I also described his body type and motivation more in depth and gave him more mannerisms. Everything else is going to be explained/shown in my story. (This goes for all of my other characters too)
Thank you and I'd love if you critiqued another one of my characters!

barabara

I'll do Mina now.
For her body type slender is kind of a general adjective. Is she curvy or is she more like a column?
Does she do anything when she's nervous, excites, scared, or surprised? How does she laugh, cry, or smile?
Explain and put context into her motivations. What does she want to do for Tristan/The Dark Being?
How do her flaws affect her life?
Where dos her prejudice stem from?
Does she have any random talents like cooking or singing?
Does she have any random hobbies like art, music, or reading?
How does she express herself and her personality to the world?
Giver her a favorite possession to make her more realistic
explain her interests more to put more depth to her character
what subjects are she strong in? What subjects does she hate? What does she know a lot about?
What pet would she like if she wanted one?
Overall you have a great character! If you want me do critique your last character I will. Happy writing!

@Lightningclaw13 group

Ok, I went back and described her body type and motivation. I also gave her more mannerisms.
She's just always thought that about humans.
She doesn't have any random hobbies or a favorite possession. (I personally don't think it's realistic to say everyone has something like that. I don't and I know other people who don't as well.)
Everything else is going to be explained/shown in my story.
Thank you! Yeah, I'd love you too!

barabara

Now onto Xylas!
What do you mean by average body type?
giggles when they laugh? Do you mean that is how they laugh? That makes sense. What do they do when their anxious, scared, excited, happy? Hew do they cry or smile?
Seems like a legitimate motivation, what's the reason behind it?
How do their flaws affect their daily life?
Hobbies are solid, good job!
Their personality type is really just certain good traits they have, but how do they act around certain people? How do they present themselves to the world?
What made them change from dark being to light being? Same for dictatorship to anarchism
What do they like about wolves?
What do they know a lot about? What do they struggle with?
What pet would they like if they were to get one?
Overall really solid! I think you have a great trio of demons and I'm really excited to see how your story will turn out. Happy writing!

@Lightningclaw13 group

What I mean by average is they're not really fit but they aren't not fit. Just kinda in the middle.
They like wolves cause a wolf kinda reminds them of themselves.
Everything else is going to be explained/shown in my story.
Thank you so much!