forum Critique my characters please!

Started April 27, 2018 by @sgadanwrites

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Read the notes, they're usually important! These bios contain references to British culture. If you have any questions just ask me!

On the symbolism of the names:
Iain has a pretentiously long name- Iain Fionnlagh Lachlann Somerhairle Mac Domhnaill (Mac Donald). It's long, for one, because he has such a heavy burden to bear (more on that.) Fionnlagh (or Finlay) means "fair hero", referencing his white hair, Lachlann was a name used to refer to Norway in classic literature (loch + lann) since he has Viking ancestors and is part Norwegian. Somerhairle, or Somerled, means "summer wanderer" in Old Norse- the same name as his Celtic/Viking ancestor, and a reference to his never-ending "wandering."

Ciarán's middle name is Aodh. Aodh is a name that's been passed down in his family but has some special pride to it since he's from Donegal and is directly related to Aodh Ruadh. "Aodh" means "fire," directly correlating to his enthusiastic nature, while passing on the legacy of living, and dying, a rebel.

Calum's real name is Donal Malcolm Alasdair Roy MacKenzie. "Donal" is just an Anglicised version of Domhnall/Dòmhnall, "world-ruler." In the U.S. this name is usually Anglicised as "Donald" but not here though. His mother sensed he was meant to conquer the world. Malcolm is where his nickname "Calum" is derived from. The actual meaning of Irish or Scottish Gaelic "Colm/Colm Cille" is a dove or interestingly, scar. "Mael Colm," or "Malcolm," means "follower of Colm Cille" (St. Columba.) This could be interpreted as "follower of the dove" or "follower of the scar." Calum is deeply scarred, both inside and out, but never stops looking for internal peace.

Fiona is the feminine of Fionn ("fair"). She's stunningly beautiful. Her middle name, Meabh, is the modern Irish version of classic "Maeve," meaning "she who intoxicates." Maeve was a legendary queen of Connacht in the Tain Bo Cuailgne. Fiona is intoxicating (due to the love spell/curse) and is a queen in her own right.

Eithne, or Enya, means "seed or kernel." Eithne has so much potential to heal and make things grow.

Leif's real name is Leif Guðmundur Eriksson. Leif Eriksson. For those Americans and Canadians out there, you probably pronounced it as LEAF, but in Scandinavia, it's pronounced LAY-f. Leif's a very classic Old Norse name and is fairly rare, derived from "heir" or descendant. Leif's mother knew he was the son of a king (Odin) and that he was born to be an adventurer, honouring the legacy of Leif Eriksson (I).

Aksel- pays homage to legendary Norwegian skier Aksel Lund Svindal. Tor- Well, you know…

Colin's middle name is Diarmuid as a nod to his and Fiona's mythical ancestor, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, the supposed progenitor of Clan Campbell.

As for Will… his last name is Wallace.

Calum: AUG A3 M1/Lochaber Axe
Glock 9mm

Weapons:
Iain:
4 throwing knives (distractions only)
Knife
Sgian dubh
Swiss Army Knife
Gae Bolg (more on that later)

Ciarán:
AK-47
Hand grenade
Shillelagh
Hurley (more on that)

Cathal:
War sycthe/SP5K
Beretta M9A1

Go raibh mile maith agat and tapadh leat for reading my obnoxiously long post!

Okay, I'm not the best at critique but I'll give you my thoughts!

• Iain: Wow you have A LOT of Mannerisms! That's soooo good! Mannerisms is something I always have trouble with! Whovian Same my good sir! Wow, I mean, just wow. There's not too much I can really critique! He's really well-rounded and thought out! The only thing I can really think of is some of the stuff in Notes may fit in background a little better, like Iain used to kill for money, and lost his best friend Tormod at a young age. I think of background as anything that has happened in his past, but use it in the way that's most helpful to you! Other than that he's really good!!
• Cathal: Oooh a villain, let's take a looksey! "you sneaky mother****" * I'm laughing way too hard at that. Okay, gonna be real, reaaall picky cause there's not too much to critique xD I think the word you're looking for is heterochromia for his eyes! And maybe specify if both turn blood-red when angry on just one! *That lovely tattoo summons his demon friends :) OMG THE SMILEY I'M DYING. Maybe go into his personality a little bit more?? Like our lovely Iain! And just like Iain maybe some of the notes could go into his background! A fashionable psychopath, his dungeon has a lobby. And a receptionist. Omg I love him.
• Ciaran: Lovin all these mannerisms! Oh gosh there's no way to safely word this, but, not to sound like I think you have to be gay to hate homophobes, but is he he homosexual? If not maybe specify he's a straight/bi/ace ally! Maybe go into his personality a bit more?? Also, maybe specify how his politics are conflicting? And again, maybe put some Note stuff into background! But only if you want to!
• Calum: Constantly burns toast. I know your pain man. I know. Has a tendency to yell "THAT'S HISTORICALLY INACCURATE" at opportune moments. I don't know why but suddenly this character has become my child. I love him sooooo much. Maybe explain what kind of animal Jockey is?? Dog, cat, snake?? He apparently smells like pine trees. Good to know. And maybe put some Note things into background? Up to you!

Hope this helped somehow!

@ThiaL Thank you so much, go raibh mile maith agat!!! This is the first critique I've ever gotten and I was so happy I almost fell out of my chair! Thanks for being so positive, by the way! I've updated all of them, so it would be really cool if you could go back and check one more time! Jocky's a stag, by the way, kind of like Calum's spirit animal. I'm so glad you loved my children as much as I do. Calum's so fierce and independent and messed up you just gotta love him (He's the one who killed Lily, by the way. It's all Cathal's fault.) His problem is that he has a really high high and messes up big time, then sinks into the pits of despair and messes up all over again. Iain's just sad. Again, thanks so much!