Hi, I'm new and I don't really know how to make posts. Does anyone want to critique my leading lady?
If you want to go over any of my other characters, that would be really cool too. I'm always happy to talk about any of them if you're curious.
I'll have a go~
In her looks, I think you should explain her a little more. For instance, instead of saying her hair is 'blonde' tell us its platinum or butterscotch or dirty blonde! And when you say it is either long or in a ponytail, how long is long? lol. Is it to her lower back? Her thighs?
In Identifying marks, you say she resembles Cole. Who is Cole? Her brother? Friend? Enemy?
On her motivations you say it is 'to escape' Tell us what she is trying to escape! I'd really like to know~~
Ok people tend to do this a lot so don't feel bad, but the backstory is BARE!!! One thing I don't like is when people through a character out there with no backstory for us to even read (sorry if I sound rude, i'm not trying to be <3) Tell us, is there anything significant that happened in her life that made her to be such a scared teenager? Why was her father kidnapped? Who is Han-Jae? What about her mother? Does she have any siblings? There is so many different things to be added in a characters background it is incredible! So put as many ideas you have, throw 'em in there! There is no such thing as overdeveloping a character (I believe anyways)!
Anyways, just fix a few things and I think you have a good character in your hands! Good luck <3
i get that you're trying to make her relatable by making her "average" and normal and a teenager but cmon. everyone's got little quirks and nuances that makes them different. i'd like to know some of hers. her backstory, political views, personality, etc…very unremarkable even though they have a lot of potential to be great.
I think u have a strong base but it could use some work. good luck :)
oh this looks fun! i'd be happy to look them over.
-OK so the first thing that jumps out to me is the appearance, you say she's "a bit on the short side" but one of the most important things about writing a character (and the most fun in my opinion) is being super specific. so don't just tell me she's short, tell me some measurements, how tall is she exactly? the same would go for skin tone and body type, i really want to be able to see her, you know?
other than those things this appears to be a pretty well made character, and i have a feeling that the story you make is going to be very good. <3
Thanks for the advice! I edited some stuff about Christie.
Also, this is Cole,
And this is Han-Jae,
Just in case you wanted to look at them.
I didn't put a lot in for politics or prejudices because I can't really find a way to fit it into the story naturally. I'll have to keep writing and figure that out.
Also, I'm absolutely terrible with numbers, so that's why I didn't put a specific height in. I feel kinda weird explaining away my mistakes, but I felt like it was worth mentioning.
Anyway, thank you very much for your critiques. You all seem very nice. :)
Hi!! I might be a little late, but I'd love to critique! Ok, top down….
First off, you note the ordinary prejudices of a teenage girl. While this field is totally viable, I would just elaborate a bit more. Tell me what she hates, exactly. It's easier to understand her character that way!
I notice that you didn't add any talents or hobbies. I would recommend filling out these fields–although they may seem useless, they add depth and humanity to the character!
Okay, I have a suggestion for politics: I usually rate my characters on a scale of liberal-ness. It's, like, weirdly helpful!!
Oh…. crap. You NEED more backstory!! What you have works fine, but you need to elaborate on it in order to explain her motivations, prejudices, etc. The traits that you have are good, but if you don't back them up, they lose their impact!!
Overall, your character is a strong start; just fluff her out a little bit!!
I hope that this helped you!! :DDD
I added a bunch of stuff to Christie if anyone is still interested.
I'll take a crack at her lmao
She's five flat, and underweight for her height, so that'd probably be ~80 to 90lbs (I think? I'm not too good with weight). Is her hair straight? Wavy? Does it come out of her ponytail often? I love that she thinks her legs are too short, does she climb on counters to get to what she wants? Also, the addition that she looks like Cole is pretty nice. Does he use that to his advantage?
Her flaws do look a little bare, however. Teenagers have strong opinions! You mention that she's influenced by her father's opinion of people - does she trust her father absolutely, or hang on his every word? You also mention in her backstory that she's an only child and was raised by her father. Does she miss her mother or was she too young to remember her? Does she resent people who have both parents? What sort of school did she go to - public or private? Was it Christian or secular? Those will have an effect on how she sees the world!
All in all, I think you've got a pretty good character established!
I really think you have set her up for destruction.
I love a good naive character, but Christie is such a damsel in distress and really has no redeeming qualities. Teenagers like to know what's going on in the world (from those been around), and Christie seems to have no interest at all. Flaws for a character are great because flawless characters are unrelatable, but characters that are too flawed are just as bad.
You also haven't given her any hobbies other than that she reads, people generally enjoy doing more than one thing and the things they enjoy doing reflect who they are. Her background is more of a premise than a background, include some defining moments in her life that made her who she is, also include why she's underweight.
I think you should flesh her out a little more, because to me she seems pretty 2D and flat.
Hi! I hope you don't mind me infodumping about her, I have so much information about her and I'm not sure where else to put it.
First, her hair is pretty straight (she is not) and since she doesn't actually have a hair tie on her for most of the story it's usually down.
As much as I love the idea of her clambering around the kitchen counters to grab her cereal, her balance is bad enough that she would fall off.
Her mother left when she was only a few months old, so she doesn't miss her. She's not resentful or jealous of people with two parents. The only thing that bothers her about not having a mom is that people are all weird about it.
Since her father is her only parent, she's a lot closer to him then most people are. She knows her father is flawed, she's not completely naive. But she is a bit too trusting of him.
I imagine she went to a public secular school. Her father could afford to send her to private school, but he probably wanted her to have the experience of public school.
Sorry this is so long and boring! I really just wanted to blab about her.
no don't feel sorry! this is great and super good for your character in the long run, i have never seen a character be over developed, so just go with it, its your character after all. if you really need a place to do info dumps, as you put it, i would recommend just getting some paper, or a maybe a blank journal or something, and just write! you aren't writing the story, of course not, but you can write whatever you want, about what ever you want. you can write about your character, ideas you have for a backstory, anything really, just make sure to write all of your ideas down so you don't forget them.