Hello everyone! I have been working on my main cast for a while now, but unfortunately they still just don't feel right to me. They need an outside perspective. If anyone here is willing to choose one to critique, I would be very grateful :)
These are the six who are in need of help:
I'd be willing to take a look
I don't have a lot of time to look right now, but Bianca's character is well designed. I didn't see any flaws in it when I looked. She sounds super cool.
I took a look a Maille! She's a great character, I liked her a lot! Here's a few things I found though:
Looks: I would describe what particular shade of orange her hair is, what kind of green her eyes are, that kind of thing. You did a really good job describing her body type, though; I could really picture it. I do want to ask about her clothing–if she wears revealing clothing, how does she cover up her tattoo? You may want to describe how exactly she covers it up.
Nature: Everything looks solid here, but there are some things you could go more in-depth about. What causes her to get angry, for example? Does she fidget with her hands, play with her hair, or does she keep herself still? Is she aware that her sarcasm is annoying? You say her being sarcastic/cynical doesn't cause too big of problems; does this pessimistic behavior affect herself in any negative ways? And does this part of her nature affect her role as the "mother" of the group? Again, you have good ideas here, but you could be more detailed as to how these traits affect her and those around her.
I couldn't find anything wrong with the rest! Your backstory was quite detailed, which I appreciate. I hope I didn't sound too harsh, I really did like Maille a lot!
-Onnex
I just read about Crow, and she's a really good and developed character. I'm just curious about her family. I'm sure you have this figured out but did she ever know them? Does she have any old habits from when she was with them? Does she hum a tune but not know where she heard it, or does she wear her hair like her mother did because it just feels right? If she didn't know her family, and even if she did for a short period of time, I think Crow is a really great character and your writing skills are excellent!
I took a look at some of your characters, I think they’re all fantastic and well developed! :)