forum Critique my Character Ramona?

Started May 29, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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I don't have everything written down yet, but it's all in my head, so ask if you want to know more

Ok so hopefully I don't come off as too harsh here but here is my opinions on her:

First off I do like Ramona a lot, she is a very interesting character but there are a few things that kinda bother me.

She was born near France but her mother was Artemis? What was she doing there? I assume she fell in love with the king but even then it feels a bit off to me, I like the idea of Artemis/Larissa training her in hunting and archery but maybe consider her parent to a war deity such as Ares? It would also tie into her temper and somewhat bloodthirsty nature, Artemis is usually a very chill deity, unless it was intentional to make her the opposite of Artemis then ignore that last sentence. Personally it just feels off for Artemis to break her oath. As for being near France, what if Auroria was near Greece but she had to flee to France? Just an idea to keep the french vibe you seem to want but it also being closer to Greece.

Secondly her her general personality, i'm not too good at pinpointing a Mary Sue character but she seems to be a bit too close to one. She doesn't seem to have a lot of flaws other then her temper and rebellious nature, I'm assuming that you have a lot more of her personality in your head but just in case I'll link a Mary Sue test (trust me it has saved many of my character's before, not that Ramona needs saving of course)
https://springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm

Another thing is why doesn't she want to marry? Does she think that it would tie her down too much? She would be too controlled? I'm curious to know if she does marry at all. Its a small note but still a thing to note.

Once again so sorry if i came off as rude or harsh, Ramona is a good character overall but a little editing didn't hurt anyone. If you have any more questions or need more advice I'm here!