forum Critique my character? I'll critique yours :)

Started February 06, 2018 by Gisela

tune

Here's the main character to my story:

I was wondering if you could point out any inconsistencies in her personality or if there was any way I could give her more depth
Thank you!

Okay! So! I love her name, for one. Does she prefer Arie or her full name? She also seems just a tad underweight for her height, even if she is pretty skinny. 110 lbs is more on the side of chronically underweight for a twenty-three year old.

What kind of blonde is she - dirty blonde, strawberry blonde, bleached blonde, etc.? You list her race as Pruvian, but what does that mean for her? How is she slender, too - does she have small feet, thin shoulders, small hands, etc.?What other identifying marks does she have - the section there seems just a little bare. Does she have stretch marks? A tattoo? A scar or two from some sort of childhood incident?

She definitely sounds like an overachiever with a stubborn streak a mile wide, which is great for a character! Her mannerisms and flaws could use a bit more work and detail, however. Does she fidget while she works? If so, how? How does she talk? How does she stand? You also just list her personality type as ESTJ - explain it! You can never add too much detail to a character.

I love that her favourite animal is an octopus, as well! Her background could use a bit more detail too. How is she fitting in with Earth people? What does she think of them? What exactly is she researching - does it relate to the medical degree she's getting? What degree is she going for? What does she think of Star - and cats in general?

Overall, she's a pretty good start to a character especially as a new writer! Just expand on what you have already down and add a few more details to really flesh her out. ^^ Hope some of this helps, or gives you some more things to think about!

Okay! So, I like her appearance, basic but fine. The first problem I see is her mannerisms. A mannerism is a small action someone does habitually. So clenching fists, yawning when talking to someone, tapping their hands against their legs –all mannerisms. The mannerisms you have listed can go in her personality type, which is a little bare since it's only a myers-briggs. Her motivation is good but a little vague. Be everything she wants to be? Like…what? Specifics are key here. She could use more flaws, since you say she "comes off" as conceited, but she isn't actually conceited (?). Expound on that a little more, and add a few more flaws. Hobbies is bare, as well. Maybe add a few more. She must enjoy other things. What did she do for fun back on her home planet? How does that translate to her earth life? On a related note: is she homesick, does she like earth, does she miss her family, etc??? How did she fair through high school? Did anyone suspect anything was off? Did she make friends? All that should be in personality type or background.

Her background is clear, but very concise. Almost too concise. You don't have to, but it might be better to add more about her upbringing, like her parents, how it felt to leave her planet, where she lives now, etc. Also, you say her birthday is in December? Are the months/years the same on her planet? That's practically impossible. Did she choose this date as her earth birthday?

Overall, she's really interesting. I'd definitely read a book based off of her backstory. Good luck

@FantaPop Thank you so much! This really helps define my character more, as I was feeling stuck on what to add to her next. I made most of the changes, and it would be wonderful if you could see the new and improved Arie! Thanks again for all of your help!

@Gisela, glad to help! I love the part you added about her friend in the backstory, it really adds a bit more to her character. Good luck!! ^^