forum Critique my character/characters???
Started by @Raziel Gallephraya
tune

people_alt 3 followers

@Norepinephrinxx

Apollo: I think they are a really good well thought character, I love the contrast between their usual aggressive and standoffish nature to their anxious side where they curl into a ball. Also the finger tapping thing is great as this little tic even though it may seem insignificant adds depth to the character. Although one critique but it may not even be a critique depending on what the story is mainly about would be the inky black eye, it seems like a cool thing if their were a magical/fantasy aspect to it like a parent wasn't human or something but for a normal real world story I would recommend looking into other possibilities such as other eye conditions that exist like possibly aniridia, polycoria or maybe heterochromia that they are self conscious about or something but other than that I think it's a good character
(I may check some others but yeah hope this is helpful)

@Norepinephrinxx

Galizer: Omg he's pretty great, he kind of seems like the stereotypical murderer at first but as I read on their were again those little things that set him aside like the fact that he does dangerous stuff even though it seems obvious i've never really seen that portrayed before, I would like to know more about his business but I can't say much about that since you may already have the business planned out but maybe he has a professional business but behind the scenes it's some crazy black market stuff or something and he has henchmen that he threatens a lot (Although that seems pretty cliche now that I think about it but meh you seem a ton more creative with this than I am) and the social section is gold I laughed really hard for some reason when I read "he's really powerful in business, but he's also a girl scout advisor" I just found it really funny and the fact this murderers favourite colour isn't the cliche red but the happiest colour lol. Perhaps he's discretely training these girl scouts to be like him and become murderous little sweethearts

@Norepinephrinxx

I hope I was of help, I think your really good at making characters but i've noticed their aren't much for flaws but I think all the little things that set them aside make up for it but I would still consider adding some little flaws in their character but damn these characters are good, im probably going to check out the other 2 but it's late for me and I need sleep

@Raziel Gallephraya

@Norepinephrinxx gah thank you so much that's so helpful! I didn't even think about giving Galizur henchmen because I thought of him as a one-man show kinda guy but thank youuuuu!!!! Also, I'm not sure if I added it in but Apollo usually puts their hair over their eye or wears sunglasses. If somebody notices it, they get really defensive about it and often times end up in a fight. I've actually been away from notebook for a while so I'll have to update them according to the story changes (which includes adding more flaws) but thank you thank you thank you!!!!

barabara

For Raziel, I would add to her mannerisms a bit more. Even if her mannerisms depend on who she's around, there would still be things she does whenever she's anxious, distressed, or upset. Some examples would be tapping her fingers or her foot. You could also include what her body language is like when she lies or when she's telling a story, little things like that would make her a more unique character. I really like that you included how her mannerisms are influenced by social anxiety. Since she's a main character I'd say she needs stronger motivations that are more centered around who she is as a character. These motivations should push forward the entire plot. I like that one of her main motivations is protecting Apollo, but you could expand on that and say why that's so important to her. Her flaws are really great, they add on to who she is as an individual. Her prejudice isn't really a prejudice though. When someone is prejudiced against something, it's usually against something that can't be controlled. For example someone may be prejudiced against someone because of their social status, race, culture, religion, or personal beliefs. When you say her prejudice is telling the truth it doesn't really make sense. One thing to keep in mind with prejudices is that they aren't necessarily correct or justified, but they are important to a well-rounded character. I lie that you included how she tells the truth, but I would put that in a different section. Her talents are well thought out, they fit in with her character. Her hobbies are interesting too, they add on to her character in a unique way. For her personality type, I would add that she's an introvert, just to generalize her habits, but overall it looks really good. For her religion, I'd do some more research and look to see if what you're thinking is actually a thing. If it isn't, you could put more about how she believes the world was made, if she believes in any celestial beings, and why she believes in celestial beings. What you have down right now could classify as a belief system, but if it doesn't I'd keep it, but put it in a different section. Her political beliefs look good. I like the detail you put into her occupation. Her favorites are so good! They are really well developed. I enjoyed them a lot. Her background is really well thought through. I enjoyed it very much. For her education I'd put a little more detail on how she was educated to become a detective, but otherwise I'd say it's pretty good. I like the addition of if she had a pet. The notes are good, but I would add them to her background. Overall she's a really well-rounded character. Nice job!

@Norepinephrinxx

Ill look at Nova if you want since that's the only one that hasn't been done if you'd like (cough Im also just loving the characters cough cough)

@Raziel Gallephraya

if you guys still want to look at them, i fixed the stuff you pointed out with galizur raziel and apollo (nobody's said anything about Nova yet ;^;)