forum Critique my character?

Started February 02, 2018 by @@Reiko

tune

Hi!! I've been dormant on this site for WAY too long, so if I may?
Ok, top down…

I gotta say, 'Abstinence' and 'Gluttony' are POLAR opposites. I'm assuming you have some sort of explanation for this, but if you don't, you need one.

Give! My! Girl! A! Race! I don't know why, but this adds another little ~drop~ in the depth of your character. Even if you just put 'European mix' or something, it's nice to have. Oh, and I love how you use 'asparagus' as a color. It really helps me picture her eyes!!

Okay, to nature… I mean, everything is ~technically~ fine, just a little shallow. Yes, she loves food, hates those who don't try new food, etc., etc. That's all fine; it all works. Just…. she's still human. Even if her character context is 'Gluttony,' she should have human flaws, prejudices, etc. Also, you didn't include a personality type, so although I can sort of understand your character, I have no idea how she acts!

Ok. Religion, food. Lol, ok. If it's not important to the story, go right ahead! However, when it come to politics, I find it helpful to rate my characters on a scale of liberal-ness. Just how open-minded are they? Also, you mention that her weapon is 'running;' okay, fine. BUT! You mention that she's curvy and a glutton, so I'm assuming she's not overly athletic on top of that. Now, she could be; if she is, put it down under hobbies or something!

Ok. Um. You NEED a backstory!! You've got all these traits, this fun character, something called a 'virtue–' none of which I understand, because there's no basis for her. Backstory acts as the support system for the entire character. Be creative!!

I hope that this helps you!!! :DDD